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Original poster

Bridesmaids/guests leaving early

136 replies

Sarahc90 · 29/10/2022 17:05

Hi, I got married a few months ago and it was so lovely (uk wedding). We had 70 day guests and 30 more for the evening. We had 10 not show up for the evening do. I had 7 bridesmaids who all stayed at the venue the night of the wedding and night before the wedding. I got married at 12:30am and evening guests arrived around 6:30pm till 12am. So we had 90 guests in total.

At around 9pm I noticed a few guests saying by and leaving. Two were my close friends and their partners and a few older family members. Then two of my bridesmaids went up to their rooms with their partners about half 9 after the evening pizza food. I had another bridesmaid go up to her room with her partner at 10pm and then two more bridesmaids and partners leave by 11pm. Two of my bridesmaids stayed till 11:45 with their partners. We had around 60/70 guests at 10pm and about 40 at 11pm.
my husband didn’t notice as he was dancing and having fun with his friends but it was mostly my friends who left earlier. I know weddings are long days but feel a little bit disappointed by the ones who left early especially bridesmaids. Has this happened to anyone before and is it normal? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 29/10/2022 17:53

That is not leaving early.
Leaving early means missing actual wedding events. No one is obligated to stay up just because you want a late night.

Guessie · 29/10/2022 17:54

From the time they probably started getting ready to the time they left they'd probably been there 10+ hours! You don't own them. I know you were the one getting married but they can leave whenever they want. Would you rather they stayed out of obligation and were bored stiff/knackered etc, or that they had a lovely time and left when they were ready? 40 people left at the wedding that late is pretty good going I'd say...

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/10/2022 17:54

I think that 9 or 10 is an absolutely fine time to leave when the wedding started early, as your's did. Don't over analyse, I'm sure everyone had a lovely time.

MissMaple82 · 29/10/2022 17:55

Because weddings are boring as hell.. its a big deal to you, but not that much of a big deal to others! They stayed all day and most of the night, stop being a drama queen!

OliveKitten · 29/10/2022 17:56

It's a really long day, possibly a lot of pressure to make everything 'perfect' for you. They were with you from 6.30am to late evening. Maybe they were just tired and not having as much fun as you.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 29/10/2022 17:56

Why on earth weds you up at 6.30 if you didn’t get married until 12.30? How can getting ready take 6 hours?!

and yes, if they were up with you at 6.30 am then you are very unreasonable to moan that they only spent 15 hours of their day on your wedding.

rookiemere · 29/10/2022 17:56

Yes you are being very unreasonable.

They stayed the night before and they got up at 6.30am. Yes they were Bridesmaids but people get tired and it's unfair to expect people to stay up until midnight just because you want them to.

mondaytosunday · 29/10/2022 17:58

So? Frankly 12 hours is ridiculously long for a wedding. I'd have left yours about 9pm too - earlier if possible. A bridesmaid possibly should have stayed in, especially if they were sleeping there that night.
And the fact you even noticed? I certainly didn't notice who got to mine late or left early (one bil missed the ceremony and neither of us realised til he told us). Get over it.

Eggygirl · 29/10/2022 18:00

Who paid for the brudesmaids to stay two nights in wedding venue? Waa their expectation to do 'activities' night before wedding too and then get up at 6.30am? Why did you have to start getting ready 6 hours before ceremony? Why are you fixating on this now, months down the line? Why were you not on dancefloor with your new husband instead of counting guests? Seems like you're concentrating on the wrong things. You married the man you love surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends for the whole weekend. Does it matter what time they went to bed - sounds like an exhausting weekend to me

Upsidedownagain · 29/10/2022 18:02

It seems sad to me that you made a note of all these departures rather than having enjoyed the company of the people who were still there.

Would you rather they had forced themselves to stay once they actually felt too tired or maybe had just had enough socialising for one day? They were there for you for the main event.

I also find it interesting that only two thirds of the evening guests turned up. I understand why people invite more guests to the evening 'do' but it doesn't sit well with me. Those guests know they are 'lesser' and have missed the key part of the day. Seems 10 of the 30 may have felt like that.

I think you should move on. Get rid of those lists of people who didn't turn up or left early, whether you have them written down or they are only in your head. People are entitled to make their own decisions - just because it was your wedding day doesn't mean those decisions related in any way to you.

Guessie · 29/10/2022 18:07

Upsidedownagain · 29/10/2022 18:02

It seems sad to me that you made a note of all these departures rather than having enjoyed the company of the people who were still there.

Would you rather they had forced themselves to stay once they actually felt too tired or maybe had just had enough socialising for one day? They were there for you for the main event.

I also find it interesting that only two thirds of the evening guests turned up. I understand why people invite more guests to the evening 'do' but it doesn't sit well with me. Those guests know they are 'lesser' and have missed the key part of the day. Seems 10 of the 30 may have felt like that.

I think you should move on. Get rid of those lists of people who didn't turn up or left early, whether you have them written down or they are only in your head. People are entitled to make their own decisions - just because it was your wedding day doesn't mean those decisions related in any way to you.

Yeah I hate when I just get invited to the evening bit and never go. Always seems like they'd like my gift and a bump in numbers on the dance floor.

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 18:08

They drag on soooo long

Ragwort · 29/10/2022 18:11

Hope it wasn't the wedding we went to earlier this year ... it was a lovely day but I had really had enough by 9ish so we left ... (we were old family friends - not the B & G's generation). It's such a long day to be making small talk ...we didn't know many people there, both DH and I are happy to chat but not for hours and hours. I do think many weddings are far too long - ceremony, meal, speeches (short) and cut the cake is enough. Not everyone enjoys dancing.

bumbledeedum · 29/10/2022 18:12

NC12345665 · 29/10/2022 17:38

Am I overreacting?

Yes.

This.

Two kids and 4 years of sleepless nights, there's no chance with the best will in the world you'd find me still going past 10pm. I think you're expecting a lot of your friends

Cavagirl · 29/10/2022 18:12

Sorry to be brutal but if you were expecting everyone to stay dancing til gone midnight you should have had a 2pm wedding at the earliest.

That's an incredibly long day I'm not surprised they were knackered.

Lemonlady22 · 29/10/2022 18:13

I was in bed at 21.30 at my sons and his brides wedding, after a long and tiring day I took their toddler up to bed so they could enjoy their evening reception.👶

Littleelffriend · 29/10/2022 18:17

Last wedding I went to I went upstairs at 10. Very close to the bride and groom. My dd2 had never slept through, I was like a zombie. They understood

RNBrie · 29/10/2022 18:18

If you married at 12.30 then guessing people had their first drink around 1.30pm? That almost guarantees people will be tired earlier than they normally would. People need a later start if you want them to party into the night, you wouldn't have had to get up so early either!

HyggeTygge · 29/10/2022 18:19

OP you say you "managed to stay till the end" at the one you attended - you sort of acknowledge it's a bit of a slog! I really wouldn't worry, it's not a slight or anything.

Prescottdanni123 · 29/10/2022 18:21

Sorry but YABU expecting people to stay up until whe,? Past midnight? Why exactly are you disappointed that they didn't do this? They agreed to be your bridesmaids, probably happily, which would have been at a financial cost to themselves, supported you and celebrated with you throughout your wedding day which included getting up at 6:30am.

Chickpea17 · 29/10/2022 18:22

You've got married extremely early and I imagine they was just really tired and had enough. You had a nice day don't understand why you're over analysing it now.

Badnewsoracle · 29/10/2022 18:24

Either it was a bit of shit party atmosphere or you're over reacting.

sanityisamyth · 29/10/2022 18:31

My own mother didn't stay over for my wedding. We had booked out a small hotel and had reserved a room for her (and absorbed the costs) so she could have a drink etc and not worry. She said she was grateful and looking forward to it. When it came to it, she went home early (without telling anyone) as she hadn't bothered to get anyone to look after the dog. She then turned back up again in the morning to have a free breakfast.

Kite22 · 29/10/2022 18:32

Yes it was an early start about 6:30am

Might have been helpful to put this in the opening post.

That is a loooooong day. I'm not surprised they were shattered.
Not unreasonable that people want to go to be before the early hours.

But you have said you had a lovely day. Just think about that. There is no need to start analysing people's bedtimes after the event.

NancyJoan · 29/10/2022 18:37

You had an early ceremony, and a very early start for your bridesmaids. 10pm is good going, in my opinion.