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Original poster

Will people hate our wedding, and do I really care?

166 replies

QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:04

Getting married in a year, so many stupid family politics that have actually stopped us eloping and doing it in secret (not worth the fallout from mil) that we've now decided to do the below, I just don't know people will really hate it ....I also can't work out if I'm passed caring or if I still want more myself too.

1:30pm register office - myself, dp, ds and 2 independent witnesses (not family, 1 friend each)
2pm - we take the witnesses and their partners for a nice meal and wine somewhere
5:30pm - party for 150 guests with bbq and arrival drink, 2 bottles of wine on each table. Party to 11:30pm.

Will it still feel special enough to us but relaxed enough to not have the stresses do you think?
Opinions welcome, also ideas on my dress as I cant think of anything casual enough for a small restaurant meal but bridal enough to welcome guests at the party.

There will be a photographer at the evening to capture some memories.

OP posts:
ilovekitkats · 14/04/2018 18:44

OP, I don’t know what sort of dress you are thinking of but google tea dresses. There are some lovely ones on there that would be suitable for your style of wedding.

It sounds lovely to me and I’m sure the party will be special enough for you.

Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:45

random I hadn't even considered getting changed! That's a great idea and means I won't feel too overdressed. Thankyou.

The numbers for just dps parents and both sets of siblings at ceremony and meal comes in at over 35 people, with divorces and people nc with each other it's just too intimate a space to even consider.

Id love to have a relationship with my family, I've not asked that though - for good reason, even my own mother isn't fussed that I'm getting married and however heartbreaking that is it's something I'm aware of.

So the situation is as above.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 18:45

Sounds ruddy MARV OP.. Flowers

BackforGood · 14/04/2018 18:46

Do you want us to be honest ?
I presume so, or why ask the question.

You ask if people will hate you. If you were my dd, or DiL, or sibling, or any other close relative, I wouldn't 'hate' you, but I'd be incredibly sad, and upset. To me, the wedding ceremony is the important bit. I'd be very hurt that you didn't want me there.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2018 18:47

Sounds lovely!

Slievenamon · 14/04/2018 18:48

The numbers for just dps parents and both sets of siblings at ceremony and meal comes in at over 35 people

you both have over 10 siblings?

Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:51

Slievenamon 3 each, each with spouses and min 2 children per couple. Then dps parents and their partners (they're not together) including us and ds yes that's 30 people for a quiet register office and restaurant lunch.

OP posts:
Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 18:51

So apologies I miscalculated slightly

OP posts:
Slievenamon · 14/04/2018 18:52

Not if you only had parents and siblings, and not all their partners and children though.

Anyway, you can do as you like as its your wedding.

MadeinBelfast · 14/04/2018 18:54

I've been to a similar sounding wedding, the bride wore a dress a bit like this:
uk.monsoon.co.uk/view/product/uk_catalog/mon_40,mon_40.1/4400004622

MadeinBelfast · 14/04/2018 18:54

Oh, and it was a brilliant day!

Ickyockycocky · 14/04/2018 18:55

It sounds lovely, enjoy.

RandomMess · 14/04/2018 18:55

I'd be sad if I couldn't see my DC marry BUT it's their day and I love them and accept that it's their choice especially if they are paying!!

Room for more than 6 at our local registry office was £500 during the week more at weekends.

BirthdayKake · 14/04/2018 18:57

Congratulations Cucumber! (BeautifulLiar from the March 2016 board)

I'm also getting married this year and terrified about what people will think! Ugh it's a minefield

eggsandwich · 14/04/2018 18:58

That’s absolutely fine, your feeding your guests, providing a drink on arrival, plus couple of bottles of wine on the table, anything else they can pay for.

Hope you have a lovely day and enjoy.

Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 19:01

Resister office is expensive, my own mother won't be there and dp knows that's hard for me so doesn't want to push his mum onto me as she can be very full on (and snide comments about how I don't have a normal mother/daughter relationship etc he doesn't want her upsetting me the morning of our day)
We are funding it all, and this way can afford a big celebration with all of the people we want to celebrate with - yet somehow missing a 10 minute ceremony is the be all and end all rather than joining to celebrate it happening.

Noone but dp was there when I gave birth but everyone joined us at home the next day to celebrate 😉

OP posts:
Original poster
QforCucumber · 14/04/2018 19:03

BirthdayKake congrats to you too! Hope Nancy is doing well, blinked and they're 2.

You're right it's a minefield, we didn't want the party but if we are having one we're doing it our way Smile

OP posts:
fairislecable · 14/04/2018 19:03

You could start off the evening with a friend as master of ceremonies- small speech saying we are here at the bringing together of Q and DP - glad you could join us etc

If wanted you and partner could make a pledge or reading to one another so there is a little ceremony that everyone feels part of.

FrancisUnderwood · 14/04/2018 19:04

It doesn't sound fair that DP's family won't be there just because yours don't want to be. Aren't you marrying into another family now? (If you wanted that, sounds like you don't)

Try not to isolate from everyone.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/04/2018 19:04

Sounds really lovely, Q. I had a small wedding myself, not quite the same but we had family politics to deal with too. Your day will be wonderful and quite frankly, if anybody thinks otherwise then their opinion just doesn't matter.

Congratulations to you. :)

OliviaStabler · 14/04/2018 19:04

Sounds lovely.

Fanciedachange1 · 14/04/2018 19:05

We eloped (my dream Las Vegas wedding!) and then had a "reception" once we were home, just close family.

To be fair though we "got away with it" because nobody knew in advance so it wasn't as though they were missing out because once they knew it had already been and gone. Our family were pleased for us that we did what we wanted so I don't think there would have been any issues anyway.

In your situation if you wanted to elope I would say just do it. Your plans at the minute don't involve guests at the ceremony so either way the outcome is the same surely? A reception party for guests sounds ideal and everyone is a winner!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 14/04/2018 19:05

We want to bugger off somewhere alone, find strangers as witnesses and have a private celebration but apparently she will never speak to us again

Isn’t that a win/win?

Don’t let someone else dictate how you both want to get married.

What does DP want more for himself? The day like you want, or to have his Mum there? IF he wants to do plan A, then do it. IF he wants his Mum there then I think actually you should allow her to be at the Registry office instead of his friend (if she can be a witness?! Not sure about that).

Baubletrouble43 · 14/04/2018 19:05

Its your day, do it how you like. Sounds fabulously relaxing to me. i'm guessing its a summer wedding (bbq) how do you look in a maxi style dress? I look atrocious in them but when someone pulls it off I think they look fabulously relaxed and boho yet dressy. Congratulations xx

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 14/04/2018 19:05

Sounds great from a guest point of view. I assume there is a good reason for not having soon-to-be DH's parent(s) at the ceremony? Because you could do that without having to invite all the siblings (I couldn't attend my brother's wedding ceremony because there was only room for six guests, and quite understood).