Having your children adopted

[altarego]

I know this is very taboo but on balance I think this may be best. I’ll try to explain as best I can.

I cannot cope with my children. Ordinary child behaviour panics me. I start to feel stressed and overwhelmed very, very quickly and feel short of breath and the blood rushes to my head and I feel furious. This is frightening for them, they see my face.

From time to time it tips over and I lose it with them. I scream and swear and say awful things about them.

Things are fast getting out of control and I don’t want that.

Oh and if I have any horrible replies I’ll just hide the thread so if you wa t to just don’t bother.

Mumsnet is not the place for help, please call your GP to be referred for the services in your area.

What support have you had so far - have you had any therapy / mental health support? Are you a single parent?

Lots to unpack here - definitely agree the first stop is your GP. Try medication and therapy first.

No SS intervention. I’m not interested in support. Thank you though.

Agree with this OP. There are options before adoption x

Where is there father? Can he share custody

No, no father.

I think you owe it to your children and yourself to try and get support in place before placing them for adoption. That has huge lifelong implications for them. How you feel could be temporary but doesn’t feel this way right now. Social services have a lot of different types of support. I doubt an adoption would go through without stringent checks and support beforehand.

Well you are doing your children a huge disservice to not even try.

Putting them into care will significantly negatively affect their life, children in care often have more health problems, more behavioural problems, less educational attainment and lower prospects as adults on average. To sign them up to that without so much as trying to avoid it is pretty awful.

How many children? How old are they? Have you always felt like this?

I doubt its as simple as just placing them up for adoption, have you taken steps to calm yourself, therapy? Medication? Can you pay a child minder for help if your overwhelmed to give you a few hours break

SS won’t take your children away without being convinced they need to. You might need to see your GP in order to get evidence that you’re not mentally coping.

Child protection is a small part of social services. They largely have different teams and services for support. Not just protection.

I think it’s called relinquishing parental responsibility and as far as I know it’s quite hard to do. It’s not just done quickly. Have you googled it?

How old are they

How many children and what ages? Is this new or something that you struggle to cope with recently? How was it when they were babies? Is there anything that has changed in your life to mean you are more stressed?

How old are they op? Adoption is a very permanent solution to what maybe a temporary problem. Loads of women find being a mum tough . There's lots of things you can try before making such a drastic choice. Tell us more about their ages and behaviour and what's going on

I'm honestly not trying to have a go at you, but it seems like you have a (medical?) problem which affects your ability to cope.I've been there.

If your children are taken into care or adopted, you may well struggle to cope with that too. So I think it is well worth trying to address the coping problems before doing something so drastic.

How many and how old are they? Has something changed recently that has made you feel this way? Do you have any support - parents/grandparents/siblings?
what about the father? He may not be involved but if he is on the birth certificate you need to reach out to him.

Social services will not just take your kids, unless they think they are in serious danger. They will want to work with you first to try to help you cope.

So you may need to consider support and things you can do to help you cope, even if you’re not interested.

Bear in mind that unless your kids are healthy babies they may never be adopted and will more likely be in foster care.

What have you tried so far? Anything?
Do you work and are they in childcare/school?

If you want to give your children up for adoption then you need to contact SS. There is no other way to do it.

Contact social services and tell them this. Regardless of whether your DC end up in care or not this is your only route.