Having your children adopted

[altarego]

I know this is very taboo but on balance I think this may be best. I’ll try to explain as best I can.

I cannot cope with my children. Ordinary child behaviour panics me. I start to feel stressed and overwhelmed very, very quickly and feel short of breath and the blood rushes to my head and I feel furious. This is frightening for them, they see my face.

From time to time it tips over and I lose it with them. I scream and swear and say awful things about them.

Things are fast getting out of control and I don’t want that.

@Diamondsareforever72

The op is deep in the mire, and really needs a support. Sometimes when we are very distressed, when emotions are running high, we say things we don't mean.

Ive had some difficult times with my son, sometimes in the heat of the moment I've really disliked him - until things were calmer and of course it was his behaviour that I didnt like, not him. And I never ever stopped loving him.

Oh I can assure you that I COMPLETELY understand that and have said some dreadful things to my son.
Dreadful. (We are now in a very good place and spend a lot of time together. He knows that he is the most precious person to me.)

I just really hope that the OP actually seeks the support that she needs so that several lives aren’t ruined, including her own.

I know that I wanted to run for the hills many times.

@Diamondsareforever72

I think we are all hoping that the op can find the support she needs.
My son is 22 now, at uni. He has a good life, not without its issues but he had aspirations and determination.
I look back sometimes and think how could it have been so bad, and am thankful for how far we've come.
I hope you can carry on building your relationship with your son - it sounds very positive

Thank you. I could weep at times when I think of how intelligent he is and the opportunities he’s wasted, tbh.
However, we did absolutely everything we could.

He’s 19 now and I am grateful that he enjoys being with me so much.

Not every adopted child has trauma, I think we need to move away from this blanket assumption.

Largely depends on their age and how much they remember / understand of their life pre-adoption.

How are you doing OP?

That’s irrelevant to this thread.