Having your children adopted

[altarego]

I know this is very taboo but on balance I think this may be best. I’ll try to explain as best I can.

I cannot cope with my children. Ordinary child behaviour panics me. I start to feel stressed and overwhelmed very, very quickly and feel short of breath and the blood rushes to my head and I feel furious. This is frightening for them, they see my face.

From time to time it tips over and I lose it with them. I scream and swear and say awful things about them.

Things are fast getting out of control and I don’t want that.

Talk to your doctor sounds like you are stressed possibly depressed, they may refer you to something like cbt.
Then phone social services and explain the situation to then. Explain exactly what you've said here. Well all get stressed at times but to call your kids names isn't really fair on them.
There's a dad by me that does this often to his kids and it could be for something simple as wetting the bed. I know its wetting the bed because he shouted it on the top of his lungs at 5:30am calling the child names.
If SS don't think your child are in danger then they wont do anything straight away. They are more likely to help you control your anger

OP if you can please let us know the children are ok and that you’ve reached out for some support

Why on earth would you not be interested in support?

Are you on the autistic spectrum by any chance, or do you suspect you might be? Getting very overwhelmed is something that can happen to most mums at some point, but help is available and you can come out of it the other side, in a much better place. Please don't give up just yet.

You need to contact your GP urgently, or your health visitor if you still have one. If you want to put your children up for adoption then there is no way to do it without going through a multi-agency approach where SS would want to speak with your children's nursery or school, health visitor and GP anyway so there is nothing to be gained in trying to avoid going to your GP. There is absolutely no easy route to simply giving your children up for adoption.

The very first thing they will do is try to get to the bottom of why you are not coping, and to support you in any way they can. Depending on the severity of your mental health crisis (and that's almost certainly what this is) your children MAY be removed into the care of social services while they offer ongoing support and treatment to you. But even then, your children are highly likely to be put up for adoption, even if they can never be returned to you. It's more likely they'd be in long term foster care with supervised visits by you, unless you refused to see them altogether.

1 hour and 20 mins.

Over an hour ago now so theres been time to read some of the helpful advice and make a phone call, I was one of the first people to respond to the post

Is the dad on the BC? Do you know where the dad is? Perhaps the best option for you is to go and drop them off with him or his family.

OP I know I was cross earlier but it I think you are clinically depressed. A two and four year old are hard work and if you have no real respite it can be awful. Planning helps as does routine e.g. meals always at the same time, a bedtime routine to calm DC down. Activities during the day which you can do with them. Painting, jigsaws, playing with toys (the housework doesn't really matter as long as there is not actual dirt like unwashed plates for a week in the sink and no clean clothes), going for walks, going to the library, reading books with them (make them sit down and listen, which may take some doing but read the story engagingly with voices, actions etc, so that they want to pay attention). Limit screen time and let that screen time be TV and not tablets etc (don't have these at all). Check DC are not allergic to some foods, that you are not feeding them stuff that makes them hyper, too. And get some anti-depressants from your GP. Ask about support groups in your area etc. Find some friends in that way. Love your children. They will grow up and be lovely people (but they will be teenagers first, unfortunately).

Oh sweetheart, you sound so despondant and you desperately need help.
Maybe it is the right thing to put your dc in the care of others.You certainly recognise that you are all in a shitty situation.
All hope is not lost!!!
Please contact your local sw dept. today
Keep us posted op, just to offload, most of us on here do really, really care
🌺x

Because she didn't realise she'd get PND, but that's obvious.

is there any mum friends from the childrens nursery’s that would be able to help for a few hours Op?
I genuinely would help you if you reached out for some help even if it was just a couple of hours to break the day up

I was ready to be very sympathetic to you OP because honestly I can't think of anything harder than rearing very young children completely alone as you have been but your responses are troubling me. You don't even want to try any intervention and support as people have suggested, presumably you haven't even looked into this which I think if you really love you're children you would try there first rather than palming them off (and suggesting that they should be separated WTF!!), even going so far as to say that you'd sooner break up you're family unit then try and improve their lives and yours together
I hope things massively improve for you and youre children, they're preschoolers, how they are treated now will have a huge impact on them as they grow up

Right, just caught up with all your answers. Go back to the GP. Discuss medication for depression or anxiety and if you are already on it, ask for the dose or type to be reviewed because it's not working.

Tell them how desperate you feel and that you felt dismissed and unsupported last time. DEMAND not to be dismissed because your children's wellbeing is at stake here.

Ask for some social services intervention urgently.

Consider whether you need an assessment for ASD and if your children do.

Ask to be referred for parenting classes in person urgently.

Ask about having a Home Start volunteer to be assigned to you. If you've had one in the past and you don't think it helped, never mind. Try again with a different one.

Speak to your children's nursery and see if there are any concerns about their behaviour there, or whether they are just triggered at home by you because they feed off your stress and bad energy.

Call the NSPCC helpline and have a chat. They will have heard it all before. You will not shock them, they will not judge you and they can help you.

I'm sure you love your children and I am sure that they love you. You just can't see the wood for the trees. This can get better, it really can. You just need to be brave and take the first step. If it turns out that the best thing for your children is to be removed from your care then that is what will happen. But we are a long, long way off that road yet.

Ring social services and go from there.

It could be that they are placed in foster care temporarily until you are ready to have them back/confirm that you can’t have them back.

Putting their best interests before yours is not selfish.

Its a brave parent who says that they're fed up being a parent or dont enjoy their kids or being a parent and want out

I suppose men do it all the time except they just walk out, they dont have to use the words

It sounds like classic depression and anxiety to me, based on poor attachment of your own OP so you may not be able to develop safe and secure attachment modelling for the children

When you refer the children to social services to request adoption they will need to work with you first of course, and also see what other family is around as the children should be placed with birth family if possible. When you say 'no father', they of course do have a father and he has family somewhere. Thats what needs to be explored.

Ideally you will get better, it is possible and like many others on here I believe you need medication. Ive seen this plenty of times. You're not that unusual. People just dont talk about this.

You’re coming across as though you don’t even want to try. You’re just accepting of how life is now, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s still so many suggestions people have given you but you don’t seem to want to do any of them. If you want change, the only person who can make that happen is you.

@GrammarnutYou know she can’t just shove them back up there, don’t you, so wtf was the point of that?! Unless you have a secret Time Machine you can lend her I assume you just felt like putting the boot in. Overall a really nasty, sneery reply, I hope you’re enjoying your superiority complex up there looking down on her.
I see you must’ve been deleted since I started writing that as I could no longer quote your post…good.

I think the OP is in crisis and cannot respond logically or think rationally. Don't be hard on her. She genuinely thinks it's for the best that she just gives them up. She believes she's damaging them and that they are damaging one another. She thinks the only way for them all to heal and be happy is to be permanently separated from one another. She's just at the end of her rope. I know what she is saying sounds alarming, but it's just her desperation talking. Please be kind.

What could be helpful is perhaps short term foster care whilst the OP gets medical help. By knowing the children are safe, and with ability to do short visits, the OP may be able to get any additional medical help she needs.

Even contacting SS may trigger some extended family to step up and assist so it may not be foster care it could be family.

That just isn't true. Anti-depressants can really help you cope. They calm you down a bit and stop that immediate fight response. This then has a huge impact on the child.

Depending where OP lives the children could be separated and may not be placed together, they may be anywhere in the country. Fostering places are few and far between at the moment. That would hugely affect contact and the work needed to build secure attachment between OP and the children, let alone their sibling relationship

They would contact the father and his family first. Unless he’s no longer alive he should be contacted. Even if he’s not a fit parent he should be informed about what is happening.

Yes we would, its a requirement.

I was answering the point about foster care.

Thanks all. @kkloo that is very helpful. I don’t seem to be able to have a proportionate response sometimes to what is annoying but really probably normal kid behaviour, it sends me spiralling and then I get worked up and we end up almost working one another up. I’ll look more into that when they are in bed. Really, thank you.

It seems a bit pointless for posters to quarrel about foster care and who is and isn’t going to be contacted, it seems I can’t do this anyway. Ideally I think I’d have some respite but that’s probably not a good idea either. I was very desperate earlier.

I do understand home start and the like do great things, it’s just even if I DO have some time away from the kids the whole thing stsrts again once they are back!