How to raise villa sleeping arrangements with in-laws during family trip

[cawqa]

Going to in-laws for three weeks abroad for a family celebration.

We paid the flights and staying with them is free. They wanted to go away within the country to the beach while we are there.

This is very expensive so I am very grateful they are paying. But I also feel weird that they are paying that I cant speak up about this issue.

However they haven't booked enough rooms. There are two villas, one with a sofa bed in the living room and one for two people. There are 3 couples going, BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL ,DP and I.

PIL are paying for everyone.

I am just not someone who could ever agree to sleep on a sofa bed wiht others in a separate room and not be really bothered by it. It's 7 days and I feel miserable.

I am also very quiet and the others are loud and grab the best rooms. PIL are paying so I guess they should get the best room? But then were fighting with BIL and SIL who may also want the other room.

Im not close enough with any of them to talk to them about it and DP is quiet and awkward. I will be jet lagged and none of them will thinking of us.

To start with I am a later sleeper- 8am/9am and they are all up before me and loud. PIL are up at 5am and BIL at 7am. And they will want to use the living room. They are not the most considerate bunch such as wont get out of the living room if I want to sleep. They wont have a problem with waking me up in the morning.

I already struggle to sleep and get very grumpy if it's interrupted. I just don't know how to bring this up without being really selfish.

I feel like I don't want to go anymore and feel rubbish about it. I also don't want to be ungrateful. DP thinks I should just suck it up because i'm not paying but this is also my annual leave. What are your thoughts?

DP family is from a different culture where they don't talk about feelings

The trip is July!

I don't care if it's next week, OP.

I wouldn't go if I had to sleep on a sofa bed. BIL is a twonk for booking somewhere without enough bedrooms. I'd skip the entire thing and try and get my money back on flights.

Oh bugger. But there may still be time to swap for 3 rooms. Given BIL did the booking you are 100% at this point expected to get the sofa bed. It’s pretty shitty of him to book like this.

I agree with this person. When we were in our 20s my MIL mother-in-law frequently booked non-optional family holidays for us all ( 4 couples) and we didn’t have the money to change them. But there wouldn’t be enough bedrooms, or enough space and some of us would be on the sofa. Once we were allocated the mezzanine bedroom, and everyone was either up till midnight, or then MIL was up at 5 am. I just said I can’t sleep in a bedroom without a door. I don’t know why people think it’s a reasonable to expect someone not to want a bedroom with a door. I understand why you feel uncomfortable though, you’re not paying for it and it seems like you’re being difficult, but I too did not want to spend my annual leave being somewhere I didn’t want to.

I think you’re better off having a fight, and if need to, let your other half go and you just stay. I would be miserable as hell.

Oh no! And you’ve only just been told about the sleeping arrangements?
DH is less likely to be bothered as it’s his family of origin.
I would be tempted to bail. Why on earth have they not booked enough rooms?
i wouldn’t go. Tell DH he can go on his own and sleep on the camp bed or break into the wedding fund to do an upgrade to a bigger villa if there’s one left.
tell keep pulling this shit if you let them.

I’ll tell DH you aren’t going anywhere without a bedroom and let him sort it. It’s his family.
My tolerance for this is quite low after dealing with my DHs family.
Life is too short for shit holidays, yes they are paying but it will still end up costing you and it’s your holiday time. If you’re not comfortable it’s not a holiday.

I’d be telling DH he must speak up and say you need the room, or I’m not going.

Alternatively, just be ill the day before you go. He can go by himself.

You have to put your big knickers on and say so not enough bedrooms And can’t sleep on the sofa bed

You could mention that you go to bed early and that you don’t want to ruin everyone’s evening so one of the bedrooms would be better

Ideally, if the in-laws are up at 5 am, they should have the sofa bed, but I know it’s a lot harder giving it to old people

There was a post similar to yours awhile back saying not enough room had been booked and a Couple on the sofa bed. I can’t remember the outcome.

If you’re not paying anything towards it and others are, then you are going to end up with the sofa bed. I wouldn’t want to sleep on one either when your sleeping patterns are different. When I have people stay at mine, I take the sofa bed as I get up mega early, and don’t want to be locked out of kitchen / lounge. I’d probably pull out, as it won’t be enjoyable.

The villa isn't big enough. It's nice to pay for everyone but if you are going to, don't skimp on the rooms so it's awkward for someone.

Whilst I empathise, someone has the rough option, so it’s to be discussed with BIL , but you can’t demand it.

Hi, with regards the villas, it appears there’s only two bedrooms, just wondering who has volunteered to take the sofa? Hopefully you haven’t volunteered us.

You'll either get a list of why it should be you, or “we’ll decide when we get there”. Either way you reply with “Oh that won’t work for us, we’d rather not bother if we are on a sofa”.

You don’t have to go into any details. Just that you aren’t prepared to stay on a sofa for a week.

It’s up to them if they want to stay on the sofa, but you have to mean it & pull out of the trip if they insist it’s you. Either pull out of entire trip or change flights to come home after first part.

I would be insisting that DH texts or speaks to his brother. ‘Hey, looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Can I just check on the villa arrangements in terms of bedrooms? Has there been any thoughts on who sleeps where, we’d need a bedroom but doesnt look there are enough?’

I would lead with faux innocence. And throw the problem back to the organiser to fix.

”Hi guys, I’ve just looked at the villa booking and we only have 2 bedrooms and 3 couples! I can’t imagine any of us would be ok with sleeping on a sofa bed in the shared living room for 7 days? Is there anything we can do to change the booking to somewhere with 3 bedrooms?”

It would be very hard for them to come back and say “Oh we just presumed you guys would have the sofa bed”.

Will you all be travelling to the resort at the same time/together?

Make the point too that you drew the short straw with the mezzanine last time so can’t reasonably be expected to do the same again.

Ignore my suggestion, I like this one better.

How so?

I would send this.

I agree with this . I would be prepared to sleep in the living room in this scenario provided it was treated as a bedroom and others kept out. I usually move sofa bed mattresses to the floor to make it more comfortable and I wouldn’t want to be moving that every night. However you aren’t in a strong negotiating position so I would focus on what is most important and to me that is protecting your sleep.

This is what I got from copilot.

Hi,
I’ve been thinking about how we can both use the living room in a way that feels fair and still lets me get the sleep I need.
Would you be open to splitting the week so we each get half the evenings/nights in the living room? That way it’s predictable for both of us and we don’t have to negotiate it every day.
On the days when either of us is using the living room, it would be available from 10am–10pm. After 10pm we’d switch to quiet hours so I can sleep properly.
This feels like a simple, fair way to make sure we both get what we need without stress or confusion.
Let me know what you think.
Thanks

Can’t understand the logic of booking two villas neither of which accommodate the group. In addition neither will be set up for you all to sit comfortably together, or eat together. I bet a decent three bed would have been cheaper! If they were booking a hire car would they book a four seater and expect two of you to sit on laps?

Stick to your guns OP. If nothing else your FIL will have to think hard before doing this again.

Hmm, no I wouldn’t lead with offering to split. I’d just say

Hi BIL,
Can you let us know where we are all supposed to sleep? Because there aren’t enough bedrooms. I go to bed a lot earlier than the rest of you so it wouldn’t be possible for us to have the sofa bed. Can we change the booking to 3 bedrooms if you’re not willing to take it either?
Thanks, cawqa

edit. Used the wrong quote and can’t edit it out. Sorry, @MrsAga!

Hi op this sounds like hell you won’t get any privacy for 7 days and no real rest. Can you ask if there is a villa with proper bedrooms rather than sleeping in the living room it’s not practical for a couple even as a single person it’s not ideal. It might be a free place but not enjoyable it isn’t fair they have just looked after themselves with no thought for your space. I hope they can resolve this or it is going to be a nightmare for you and dp.

Have you sent a message yet OP? This sounds like an awful situation and I would be leaving OH to the sofa bed and staying at home if I were in your situation.

It doesn't sound that good a deal.

You are paying for very expensive flights, meals, spending money, etc.

All you're getting is a sofa bed in a villa.

You would have been better off paying for a cheaper holiday with a guaranteed room.