How to raise villa sleeping arrangements with in-laws during family trip

[cawqa]

Going to in-laws for three weeks abroad for a family celebration.

We paid the flights and staying with them is free. They wanted to go away within the country to the beach while we are there.

This is very expensive so I am very grateful they are paying. But I also feel weird that they are paying that I cant speak up about this issue.

However they haven't booked enough rooms. There are two villas, one with a sofa bed in the living room and one for two people. There are 3 couples going, BIL, SIL, MIL, FIL ,DP and I.

PIL are paying for everyone.

I am just not someone who could ever agree to sleep on a sofa bed wiht others in a separate room and not be really bothered by it. It's 7 days and I feel miserable.

I am also very quiet and the others are loud and grab the best rooms. PIL are paying so I guess they should get the best room? But then were fighting with BIL and SIL who may also want the other room.

Im not close enough with any of them to talk to them about it and DP is quiet and awkward. I will be jet lagged and none of them will thinking of us.

To start with I am a later sleeper- 8am/9am and they are all up before me and loud. PIL are up at 5am and BIL at 7am. And they will want to use the living room. They are not the most considerate bunch such as wont get out of the living room if I want to sleep. They wont have a problem with waking me up in the morning.

I already struggle to sleep and get very grumpy if it's interrupted. I just don't know how to bring this up without being really selfish.

I feel like I don't want to go anymore and feel rubbish about it. I also don't want to be ungrateful. DP thinks I should just suck it up because i'm not paying but this is also my annual leave. What are your thoughts?

DP family is from a different culture where they don't talk about feelings

Great news! Make sure your reply with thanks to confirm and lock-in the arrangement, so that he cannot do a U-turn when his wife finds out!!

Aren't you planning to offer to split the week with them? That seems fairest really!

Dimwit bil booked 2 rooms for 3 couples. He can live it up on the sofa.

I'd acknowledge the bedroom in 'public' so no one has any 'surprises' when you all arrive at the villas

Are you seriously asking this question!? This is her DH's family….He should've spoken up for his wife as soon as they realised the lack of a third bedroom! OP therefore has a DH problem

Yes, don't let this one go without a reply! And I'd screenshot it too, just in case

Make sure you reply being really effusive about how grateful you are and how much it means there’s a load off your mind since you like to get up late and go to bed early and you’ll be a nightmare if you don’t get enough sleep. Really lay it on thick so they can’t back down once you’re there and you’ll have a ‘paper trail’ of how important it is to you

One would hope that OP would be effusively thankful anyway. There's no need to add a layer of smarm in order to slyly set the arrangement in stone.

OP likes her brother in law. He's done a good thing. There's no reason for him to weasel out of it and no reason for OP to be anything other than appreciative.

Well that’s wonderful news 😊

What exactly are they paying for when it comes to OP? Not flights. Not spending money. Not food. Not money for everyday living. The sofa bed would be there anyway!

Maybe he read Mumsnet!

That's fab news OP. It gives some hope for the future that they're capable of compromise. Hopefully they'll consider your needs properly going forward.

That’s great news! Are you having the smaller villa?

Did we ever find out if the bathroom in the bigger villa is an en-suite? Will the couple on the sofa need to enter the bedroom to use it?

Great. Hopefully two weeks on a sofa bed will remind the BIL to book enough rooms in future.

This is great news. Hopefully this can now be the way forward with all trips.
enjoy your holiday!

Don’t go. Let your DH spend time with his family while you stay at home on your own.

Whooooooooooppppp!!!

See how speaking up for yourself reeps benefits?

I hope your DH learns something from this.

Well done, OP! Now you can look forward to the trip.

‘Hi PiL,

Thanks for arranging the villas. We really appreciate it - but to let you know a sofa bed for a week isn’t going to work for us, so we have booked an alternative at a nearby hotel. Looking forward to it.’

I have no idea which bedroom and I don't mind which either! Just glad I have one!

Well done! Enjoy it now, and don't feel bad about it.

I would not sleep on a sofa bed on holiday. No privacy or place to put your stuff. I would find a single room or studio somewhere. If they get offended too bad,

They're not married.