I’m going to upset people with this.. tell me your thoughts.

[Jingle23]

I just need to get this off my chest and see if others feel the same.
I work full-time and do everything I can to provide for my children. We don’t have much spare money, I bring home just over 2k and partner just over 3k a month. We have a mortgage but we often feel like were going without so they don’t miss out.
What’s been bothering me is seeing how different things can look for other families, even when they’re not working. I know someone personally who doesn’t work and isn’t relying on family for financial help, yet still seems able to manage a car on finance, holidays abroad - taking 3 children to Spain in the 6 weeks holidays, and everyday costs that I struggle with.
I’m not judging them at all, and I know every situation is different. I just feel really frustrated that I work full-time, pay my way, and still don’t feel like I’m any better off.
It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just having a wobble?

No wonder you’re skint getting your hair and nails done so often. Those are luxuries aren’t they?

You don't know all the ins and outs I guess. My cousin has all the latest stuff for her house from Next. Everything is new, replaced every few years etc while I shop at Primark and get furniture second hand, kids clothes from Asda etc.

My cousin has never had a holiday since having kids 20+ years ago. There are lifestyle choices at play there. Two mates are sahm. One is fully topped up her UC via her very responsibility ex and father of her kids. The other has a well off parent. People don't declare these things to the world. So you don't know the full picture and can't know for sure.

Good post. I think this sums it up. I might feel like you are working for nothing, but it will be worth it.

Why is it so many people on MN seem to know the in and outs of the finances of their benefit claiming neighbours/family/person in pub?

I could not think of anything more boring to discuss with other people.

People never check facts of their imaginary friends and neighbours on benefit bashing threads

People on benefits can have cars on finance. Mortgages too. I've moved house twice in the time I've been on UC.

Why can't people discuss this? I don't understand stand why its off limits?

Because its not a discussion its people spreading misinformation

If they have a job. Who op is talking about doesn't

Looks like Nige will regret dipping into his £5 million for this sad effort

I honestly don't understand these threads. Or maybe I'm missing something, I don't know. Encouraged by a thread like this, maybe 6months-ish ago, I went on to use the benefits calculator (I think it's called 'entitled to').

So I'm a single parent of one, I do work, earn well, and we live fine, no benefits. But in the calc I put in the same, just unemployed. It told me I'd be entitled to £1100 if I remember correctly + child b, which is what, £108? Out of that 1100, 400-ish was for housing, 400-ish or so 'child element' and the rest 'personal element' or something like that.

Average rents where I am are about 900-1000 for a 2-bed. So do the maths. Ok, your 'friend' has more children, so they would be entitled to more, but still, not that much more. For the sake of the argument, let's presume they're entitled to 5k, just like your wage (they won't be). So how is it then that they can afford holidays abroad (multiple, I presume), beauty treatments, air con, costa coffees, etc and you don't?

I dont know much about it apart from what I read on here. Which part is misinformation?

why not demand better wages from your employer ? many roles these days are under paid and under valued,

You are in a much better position than OP because you do not work, so you have more time to do things (ends up being cheaper), don’t need childcare; and all the costs that come with having a job (commuting, work clothes, etc)

Aw ok. My brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders tonight 😂 I wasn't working when we sold/bought the houses but my husband was. So that's different.

I think we’re all angry at the wrong people. If we are disabled, carers, sick, or looking for a job, why shouldn’t we have a safety net that provides us with a decent standard of living.

Similarly if we’re employed, our employers should pay us enough to provide at least the same. But most of us (yes, yes, small businesses exist) are employed by people and businesses who are paying us as little as possible and dodging their taxes.

Because it’s unaffordable and many people are taking the pee out of the system.

Many things at play OP.
Where in the country are you? 5k in London will give you a lot less than somewhere else. I'm on my own with DD6. I bring home your partners wage-ish. We're going to Greece in the summer, went to another European destination at Easter. I only paid for flights/supermarket shopping/modest outings as visiting friends & family. I get my hair done regularly. Have a reliable old banger, mostly shop at Lidl, don't have high travel costs. Yes, I watch the smart meter whilst this weeks electricity is pinching and have been closing curtains/windows in the day to keep costs down but I know which I'd rather.

Everyone who has neighbours and friends who they know all their finances and medical history for a start (blatant lie). That people are choosing not to work (not possible) that everyone on benefits get free housing, free council tax, free days out, free cars, dental, opticians, prescriptions etc (not true). That people not working get more money then people working (not true). That you can go to the gp tell them your anxious and then you get given pip ( this one's just laughable)

Presumably you weren't unemployed, though?

The hair and nails are big costs. My colleague gets her nails done regularly (long and sparkly, with patterns to match the seasons) and has the ones where you can't remove them yourself so every new application also has a removal cost added on. She also gets her hair done regularly and says between the two things it can cost as much as £200. That's a chunk. And if you did get coffees, they can be £5 a pop. Not saying at all that you shouldn't have those things, but they will be at the expense of other things.

Huge debts they will never pay off and will just get written off. These people are leeches

pp doesn't work because she has a disabled child. She doesn't necessarily have more time to do things and has all the costs that come with having a disabled child which DLA helps with but likely doesn't fully cover.

The people saying they are better off on benefits than working probably aren't people who would be taking home £5k a month between the 2 of them.

We've just had our annual pay rise, and I'll be taking home around £1800 per month. For that I work bloody hard in a financially and socially responsible local council role. It's taken them a year to recruit for one vacancy in our area and the workload has increased a fair bit over that time so I get home mentally exhausted every evening. By the time I've paid my mortgage, insurances, commuted 30 miles round trip a day, fed the cats etc I don't have an awful lot left. I indulged myself with a MacDonalds the other day (small cheeseburger & small milkshake), my first take away this year. Haven't had my hair cut professionally for over 3 years, never had my nails done.

OK I'd be much worse off in a way if I quit to live off benefits only as you don't get any help with housing whatsoever if you have a mortgage, not even something towards the interest payments - even if that would be lower than a 1 bed flat in my area by about 50%. I'd be expected to sell the house & live in rented accommodation from any proceeds until those ran out before I got any housing benefit, then have to be on that benefit for the rest of my days as I could never afford to get my own house again.

As a single adult with no children I know I would never be eligible for more than the basic £80 odd per week UC plus my mahoosive £110-120 a month or so PIP.

i think if they are on benefits and have so much money, then they definately have not declared job cash in hand and have extra few K each month. People on benefits would never ever afford what you described your friend has.
But people on benefits who officially dont work but secretly do cleaning/other odd jobs - can top up their benefits substancially and afford all that you described. But thats cheating.