I’m going to upset people with this.. tell me your thoughts.

[Jingle23]

I just need to get this off my chest and see if others feel the same.
I work full-time and do everything I can to provide for my children. We don’t have much spare money, I bring home just over 2k and partner just over 3k a month. We have a mortgage but we often feel like were going without so they don’t miss out.
What’s been bothering me is seeing how different things can look for other families, even when they’re not working. I know someone personally who doesn’t work and isn’t relying on family for financial help, yet still seems able to manage a car on finance, holidays abroad - taking 3 children to Spain in the 6 weeks holidays, and everyday costs that I struggle with.
I’m not judging them at all, and I know every situation is different. I just feel really frustrated that I work full-time, pay my way, and still don’t feel like I’m any better off.
It’s made me question whether working hard always actually translates into a better standard of living anymore.
Does anyone else feel like this, or am I just having a wobble?

Have you completed a budget form, OP? There is a free one on Moneysupermarket. It accounts for everything and you’ll be able to see where all your money goes. I stopped buying coffees years ago as was spending almost £50 month in Starbucks! I now get my hair cut and coloured at home and I do my own nails. It’s all the little things that add up.

Go for it hun!

I get it OP, we’re both working FT. Mortgage and bills, 1 car between us that we use about twice a week. Shop at Lidl. No Netflix or Disney or streaming.

Weve had 1 holiday to the canaries this year.

Our neighbour with 3 kids and no official job in a council rental is off to Barcelona next month for her second holiday this year. Says the dad pays nothing. She childminds off the books from what we can see. No idea how she manages it.

I have 2 cousins who seem far better off than us with no jobs in long term HA housing and UC.

It’s confusing when people say I’m lying for saying this. I see it with my own eyes and hear what they tell me. Apparently several people I know are better off not working and on UC in council or HA housing.

We both work and have a mortgage with zero additional help and we have far less than they do. I can’t get my head around it.

How much is your mortgage? Can you not save a little every month and go on a holiday over the summer or one of the half terms, whenever you can get a better deal.

I think the difference now is that even on a household income of 5K a month you have to budget when in the past you could have easily gone on holidays etc. And that is annoying when you work full time! Especially if it seems others can have the same without working for it.

Well I didn’t say HTH so I’m not sure why you quoted me but it means “hope that helps”.

Only 18?? Us PIP queens in Chavsvillle are never home on Benefits Street.
We are largely sunning ourselves aboard on the mobility scooter highway in Benidorm and Alicante at least 19 months of the year- keep up!!

But you’ll own a house at the end of it and they won’t.

I'd say there's some factor at play that makes the difference. Do you have debt you are servicing? Maybe they don't. Subscriptions that add up, expensive activities for you or the kids, higher mortgage?

I often found that we were poorer than friends in the early years. I suspect a big part of the difference was that I had my children very young, they waited another decade. They had ten years more financial 'setting up' than we did. That's huge.

We take home less. Both work full time and come out with £4000 a month.
Difference is I don’t spend, no nails, no hair, no beauty treatments. All adds up. Don’t buy clothes. No expensive toiletries. We go away 3 times a year because that’s what we prioritise.
Other people prioritise different things. A new kitchen. Or home decor. Expensive beauty treatments. Expensive cars etc. We have none of that so we can afford the things that matter to us

Insta life is fake why don't you know that.

Reform/Tory bots out and about again I see

Fucking hell.
How do these people feed themselves?

Whoever Reform paid they'll be asking for their money back after this thread.

They could be in a lot of debt
They may also just prioritise holidays instead of hair/nails etc
They may budget very carefully
They may do cash in hand work

It's impossible to tell when you're on the outside.

I think this nails it. It's not just about this summer's holiday, it's about working towards meaningful financial goals in the long term, and that takes time and sacrifice.

But you don’t have less. You have a mortgaged house which will one day be an asset. They will never have that.

The thing i notice on mumsnet which is the biggest difference between people on benefits and not on benefits is the lifestyle that is not taking in to account and just seen as a given and not a luxury kids in multiple clubs and lessons. Taking the kids out every weekend and through the holidays, paying for uni, paying into a pension. All these things cost a significant amount of money if you did none of these things you may be able to afford a holiday but its what you want to prioritise.

Agree, our local farm costs a grand total of £1 per child entry, £2 per adult. I don’t spend money on having my nails done but guess they’d cost £40 ish? This would cover the farm and numerous Costas

You can't really define 'normal' because everyone's situation is different. Just because someone is on benefits doesn't mean you know everything about their income - perhaps someone else pays for them to do things, for example.
I've never earned even half your income and I am a single parent, but I always took my children out on lots of days out and a holiday abroad every other year. I am lucky to have low housing costs, but it didn't feel like it at the time particuarly. It was a struggle but I don't like spending money on lots of 'stuff' and I never get my nails done and only get my hair done around 3 times a year. To be honest, I often felt I had more money after I separated because my ex wasn't that careful with money even though he had a decent income.

You’re bringing in way more than them, so if you can’t afford to live ‘like them’ then it’s obviously a you problem. Their outgoings mustn’t be as high as yours, and if they are, then welp. You’re clearly not budgeting like they are, or you’re prioritising things they’re not, and vice verser.

It really is that simple.

Have you considered growing up?

This has never occurred to you?

Are you dense?

Are you saying that the person has the car on finance while on benefits? How on earth would they have passed that credit check? Are you quite sure you have all the facts, here?

This is annoyingly vague. How much is your mortgage? How many kids? What job do you do? At least give us a few details and commit to the bit.

I think that I agree with your first sentence.