How do I ask a friend to stop sending baby photos?

[Onesidedfriendship]

I have been friends with someone for around 20 years, we are the same age but I had my children a little earlier so mine are now almost teens. Friend has recently had first child. We have always got along really well and her and her husband are very close to my children but I always remained quite respectful of the relationship and continued to talk about other things, went out without children for meals, spa days etc. I would occasionally send photos (if a big event at school or if child was wearing/using a gift they had bought) but again didn’t overload with pictures of kids. Now friend has had child the relationship has totally changed, she only messages me if it’s something related to the child or spam me with pictures. Can be up to 10 pictures a day on some days. If I message her about something else, she will reply but then will turn the conversation back to the baby and send more photos. I’m just finding it all a bit exhausting. Additionally, I had very bad feeding journeys with my children and didn’t breastfeed either which I always found quite upsetting. I have no problem with breastfeeding/bottle feeding and have always remained mute on the topic with other family/friends as quite frankly it is none of my business! But now this friend has also taken to sending me quite graphic photos of her breastfeeding her baby and I’ve just hit my threshold limit, it’s dragging up old triggers and quite frankly want it to stop. I’ve tried the ignore tactic or change the subject but she continues to do it. I have to tell her as it’s really affecting our friendship but don’t quote know how to do it. Am I being unreasonable for wanting friendship to go back to the way it was or at the very least stop the graphic photos?!

I know what you mean about the bf photos - it's the intimacy. I'm not someone who is prudish about bf -I've done it myself!! Someone breastfeeding in your presence is one thing, but sending a photo...a bit of a step too far.

It's not prudishness - I just felt that breastfeeding was an intimate moment with your child and isn't the kind of thing most people want to post publicly.

Just remembered when friend gave me a calendar featuring her dd 😲 I did not want a photo every month of said dd stuck on my kitchen wall!

Unlike a photo on a phone, how are you supposed to get rid of a calendar when they could come round? (Actually they never visited as I did a slow fade on the friendship).

As a pp said, could all new parents be issued with instructions that only you and your spouse/partner and grandparents (hopefully!) are obsessed with your dc. Siblings interested maybe, anyone else’s interest a complete bonus but really quite unlikely.

'Just remembered when friend gave me a calendar featuring her dd 😲 I did not want a photo every month of said dd stuck on my kitchen wall!'

My sister did this with photos of my nephew and I loved it 😊 HOWEVER I think she only gave the calendars to us and grandparents, and definitely not to friends! Some people really do think you're as obsessed with their kids as they are

I have no issues with a mum breastfeeding anywhere, but I wouldn’t want to sit having a coffee next to a woman who was topless….and that’s the difference here. The topless picture is just inappropriate. And you know she’s breastfeeding so why does she need to send that? And this isn’t a newborn, baby is 8 months old!
I would send her a quick message something like….your pictures are overloading my phone and I’m loosing all my storage! Couple a week would be nice…and please don’t send any more half naked ones. DH saw it and so did work colleagues and I don’t want people thinking I’m a pervert….
Hope you are managing in this heat…lots of love

I think most of us have Whatsapp family chats were we delete any photos and videos straight away without comment. I'm not sure why you have to react at all, just delete the photos.

If you are challenged on it, just say you have to delete them after a quick glance due to storage issues.

OP you can stop the automatic download of photos on WhatsApp in your settings. I know I'm not addressing the point, but it will stop photos using up your storage!

Totally get it OP. One of my friend’s is the same. Her eldest is 8 and she has 3 and that’s all she talks about. Her whole life and personality revolves around the kids. My kids don’t get talked about, my life or her life. It’s hard to maintain enthusiasm

Times have changed since you had kids.
It’s much more normal to send photos now.

This would annoy me though.
There’s nothing worse than when people make their kids their entire identity.

But I think you’re being over dramatic.

Just slow the responses and when the chat starts going back to her child then make your replies shorter.

On the photos just put emojis underneath or put short replies like “cute ❤️”

She is a new mum. She is wired by nature to be "obsessed" with her baby. I think you need to take the suggestion to change your settings so that the photos don´t download automatically. Please don´t make any of the mean comments suggested. Yes, sending bf photos is a bit ott, but I wouldn´t rain on her parade.

Crikey, how egotistical of her.

Just reply no more than once per day with a heart emoji on some of the photos. And then tell her something about you/not baby related. Hopefully it's a phase.

Turn on the disappearing 24 hour message thing as well.

She used to say she would always want to keep her identity post children and didn’t want to become child obsessed herself but that unfortunately hasn’t happened!

She may yet! Is she even back at work yet? I think that's a moment when a lot of women get more of their previous identity back.

Tell her the photos are using up all your storage and you're going to have to start deleting them all. Don't respond to any more that she sends.

You don’t have to save all these photos into your camera roll.

If the photos are on WhatsApp go into settings and change it. Then just ignore them. You can also mute her so your phone isn’t pinging all day

If you were struggling with infertility it would be easy to imagine. Plus not all babies are cute.

Couple of tactics you could go with here I reckon:

You could completely ignore the pics until she stops sending them.

You could say something lighthearted "Oh Deidre, I remember those days when my first born was here, I was all loved up and my hormones were all over the place too! Your DC is absolutely beautiful but my phone is starting to get a bit clogged now (and you may regret sending pics of your boobs when the hormones calm down, haha). Thanks though, it's been lovely to see DC but do you mind slowing on the pic sending now please ;) "

There's the truthful but harsh message. "Deidre, you are sending me too many pics of DC now, including breastfeeding ones which to be honest I don't really want to see for personal reasons. Also my husband accidentally saw one and felt really awkward. Occasional nice pics of special occasions is fine but you have been sending multiple per day which is a bit much!".

Just don’t look/reply. It’s not hard.

Firstly, this isn't Reddit.

Secondly, what an absolutely horrible post! It's perfectly possible to 'share in someone's joy' without having to constantly look at pictures of their kid sucking their tit ffs. The friend doesn't seem to be particularly willing to 'share in' OP's feelings around breastfeeding or exercise any sensitivity towards it, why should it all be on OP to be accommodating?

Besides which, why should someone's 'feeding journey' (barf) even be anyone's business besides mother and baby's and perhaps immediate family's? The way you've reacted to this thread makes me wonder if you are a baby bore person who does this kind of thing, or indeed if you are the OP's friend.

I could never be such a person’s friend. How are you friends for 20 years and irritated / exhausted that your friend is in a newborn baby bubble? Whatever feelings poster has about breastfeeding is on her. Her kids are grown, she needs to get over it or have therapy to sort it out.

Agreed. I was terribly upset I couldn't breastfeed, thought I'd dealt with it, but realised years later when I was actually looking at an artwork in a gallery and suddenly started crying that I hadn't. But that is my issue to deal with, no one else's.

Definitely stop these photos being added to your storage.. then turn disappearing messages off.. if you need to, find a text taht says something about how storage is killing the planet and you are trying to do your bit to reduce your online footprint and protect the glaciers!

Might be a step too far to add something about protecting your own children's image and not having uncontrollable images out there in the intersphere - I made that name up ..

I am sure if you search you will be able to find suitable reels / quotes etc..

I saw one the other day.. 'why are there no images of children in our forest school reels'.. for example..

Or just maybe the friend needs to stop constantly sending photos. Are you honestly saying that if a friend did that to you you'd react to each and every photo with a squeal of joy and strings of heart emojis?

I’m glad her friend isn’t my friend either tbf