How do I ask a friend to stop sending baby photos?

[Onesidedfriendship]

I have been friends with someone for around 20 years, we are the same age but I had my children a little earlier so mine are now almost teens. Friend has recently had first child. We have always got along really well and her and her husband are very close to my children but I always remained quite respectful of the relationship and continued to talk about other things, went out without children for meals, spa days etc. I would occasionally send photos (if a big event at school or if child was wearing/using a gift they had bought) but again didn’t overload with pictures of kids. Now friend has had child the relationship has totally changed, she only messages me if it’s something related to the child or spam me with pictures. Can be up to 10 pictures a day on some days. If I message her about something else, she will reply but then will turn the conversation back to the baby and send more photos. I’m just finding it all a bit exhausting. Additionally, I had very bad feeding journeys with my children and didn’t breastfeed either which I always found quite upsetting. I have no problem with breastfeeding/bottle feeding and have always remained mute on the topic with other family/friends as quite frankly it is none of my business! But now this friend has also taken to sending me quite graphic photos of her breastfeeding her baby and I’ve just hit my threshold limit, it’s dragging up old triggers and quite frankly want it to stop. I’ve tried the ignore tactic or change the subject but she continues to do it. I have to tell her as it’s really affecting our friendship but don’t quote know how to do it. Am I being unreasonable for wanting friendship to go back to the way it was or at the very least stop the graphic photos?!

Everyone’s allowed a period of madness about their pfb (I thought ds was utterly marvellous 🫣 ). Likewise new romances. Dh is rather bewildered that his 55-year-old best mate has abandoned any interest in the Worl Cup as he is besotted with his new lady friend. Couldn’t come round for England game as he had to water Cynthia’s plants (not euphemism).

Anyway, the point is that it’s YOUR obsession, and it’s rude not to recognise that and to believe that everyone wants to share every moment of this, particularly if you don’t or haven’t afforded someone the courtesy of expressing interest in their dc.

Turn off notifications. Only check every few days. Give a very generic reply. She'll work it out. You won't need to be mean.

What’s her relationship like with her other half? And how’s he been with the baby? I’m just wondering if she’s looking for validation and attention from you she’s not getting from them

I would be tempted to say it flashed up in front of your family so please can she refrain sending any more. You can reassure her you’ve deleted all other explicit photos she’s sent. Hopefully will be a wake up call for her!

Oh no op your friend is a baby bore you should tell her you phone has no memory for more photos of her baby tell her that you have less of your own kids then delete them. Also each time she brings it back to baby I would laugh and say you remember saying to me you never wanted to be that mum who only ever talks about baby you changed your tune. Try to make light of it first then see how that goes.

OP you are not bu, l have a good friend who sends me lots of photos of her family, meals out and l am not really interested, sometimes l make a comment other times l ignore and get rid of the photos.
Concerning the breastfeeding photos l would say John was looking at my phone and came across your photo, best not to send me anymore.

Give her time op, she will settle down. My youngest is three and I have a life away from my children again, she will get there too. Set your WhatsApp to not save photos automatically and only acknowledge her messages when you feel like it. Then be there for her when she remembers how good it is to talk about/think about/do something else.

If its bringing up old wounds and triggering you, I suggest that is something you should work on rather than expecting other people to change.

Honestly, your friend is just happy and its sad you can't embrace it. I was child free (by choice) all through my 30s and all my friends had babies, I sometimes found their pics and conversation tedious but I wouldn't have dreamt of saying so. Its a season of life and she will probably settle down.

If she doesn't and you don't want to be friends with her that is fine. But it's unrealistic to expect to continue the friendship if you ask her to stop being proud and happy about her own baby.

I would find it really annoying if I had been careful to have been discreet about my own babies and toddlers when she was childfree but she is not repaying the favour. Urgh detest those “when it happens to me it’s really important when it’s you I’m not interested” types. Dreadful.

Abso-blimmin’-lutely.

I posted upthread that I had this exact situation with a former very good friend, whose “I don’t like children” status I had completely respected (not infertility before anyone says). She barely saw let alone heard about my dcs. And then she had a baby…

Same with dog! Bil and sil dog haters. Would not visit us because of our vicious Rottweiler (aka dopey old Labrador). Made comments about dogs being dirty, how could we have that in the house etc etc. Fast forward and their dd gets a dog. Oh my word. This dog is worshipped . 😡

Mine are teens now. When they were born, we didn’t have iPhones/ smartphones and the camera phones that did exist weren’t great. So we definitely didn’t take so many pics. And the decent ones we took on a digital camera, downloaded etc and sent via email. Maybe the odd text. But I’m not sure even WhatsApp existed 16-18 years ago. I’m sure if I was in the midst of the baby years now I’d be taking and sending lots more pics. Go easy on her.

Oh, for crying out loud, op doesnt want to see her friend's boobs! Thats fair enough, the policing of language on here 🙄It's obvious what she meant.

I don’t blame you for needing to stop this onslaught. I’m in a Watsapp group with some friends and one of them is constantly sending pictures of her grandchild. One or two on special occasions fine, but she’s morning noon and night. 🥱

To save your camera roll from filling up make sure you change the setting on the Watsapp chat to
SAVE TO PHOTOS - NEVER

She can be happy without sending her friend pictures of her tits.

Who does that? It's bizarre. I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it or ignoring it so the friend thinks it's normal when it isn't.

"Hi Friend, really wonderful that your bfing journey has gone so well. I'm so happy for you. But actually, this has very much brought back to me that mine did not go so well. I didn't talk to you at the time about it, it was a very private problem, but X and Y happened and I was really upset. Thing is, with things going so well for you now, I sincerely really am very happy for you but the bfing photos keep reminding me of what I didn't have, and they actually get me down. I don't like to fuss and I thought I'd get over it, but I'm not doing, so do you think you could share that part of your new life with someone else? OTOH I loved the one of baby's big smile! When are we next going to meet up in person?"

Mute her, she will see the pictures aren’t being downloaded anymore.

It’s 8 months in!

This would drive me mad. Just because she’s in a baby bubble doesn’t mean the whole world is?! Can’t people recognise that they have their own lives. Send a couple of photos, get the ‘so cute’ response and be thankful. I find it a bit selfish.