How do I ask a friend to stop sending baby photos?

[Onesidedfriendship]

I have been friends with someone for around 20 years, we are the same age but I had my children a little earlier so mine are now almost teens. Friend has recently had first child. We have always got along really well and her and her husband are very close to my children but I always remained quite respectful of the relationship and continued to talk about other things, went out without children for meals, spa days etc. I would occasionally send photos (if a big event at school or if child was wearing/using a gift they had bought) but again didn’t overload with pictures of kids. Now friend has had child the relationship has totally changed, she only messages me if it’s something related to the child or spam me with pictures. Can be up to 10 pictures a day on some days. If I message her about something else, she will reply but then will turn the conversation back to the baby and send more photos. I’m just finding it all a bit exhausting. Additionally, I had very bad feeding journeys with my children and didn’t breastfeed either which I always found quite upsetting. I have no problem with breastfeeding/bottle feeding and have always remained mute on the topic with other family/friends as quite frankly it is none of my business! But now this friend has also taken to sending me quite graphic photos of her breastfeeding her baby and I’ve just hit my threshold limit, it’s dragging up old triggers and quite frankly want it to stop. I’ve tried the ignore tactic or change the subject but she continues to do it. I have to tell her as it’s really affecting our friendship but don’t quote know how to do it. Am I being unreasonable for wanting friendship to go back to the way it was or at the very least stop the graphic photos?!

Id find that boring as hell to be honest, I don’t want 10 photos of anything sent to me every day, how overwhelming! I’d mute the chat and just clear it once per week. I also think it’s weird to send breastfeeding pics, She sounds dull as dishwater.

Are you going to say anything to her, Have you decided how to handle it?

My WhatsApp is somehow set so that any photos sent aren't downloaded & appear blurred. I can only see them if I tap on a photo to open it. I very often choose not to as my phone photo album gets clogged up with unwanted photos. See if you can find this setting, it's very empowering 😅

Hm you could remind her that bf was difficult for you and that you've found it's actually a bit of a trigger still, but that won't stop her from sending all the other photos!

I think after she sends the next batch you could say ,"adorable! I can't figure out how to stop my phone automatically downloading what's app pics and my memory is nearly full! Are you ok to pause on the pics until I get on top of that?"

And do change your settings but don't let her know!

You'll see how the friendship pans out but yanbu to get this mad photo bombing under control.

If she does want to be baby focussed for a while, is that a deal breaker for you? If she's close to your kids it mean she has put time in with them so your relationship can't have been a completely kid free experience until now?

As someone who doesn't have children I find it fairly boring when friends do this who have babies. Don't get me wrong I was always so happy for them, loved seeing their babies and love them now they're older kids, they're like my nieces and nephews. But the spam overload is frustrating and I'd prefer to talk about other things too.

However, because I love my friends I understood it was the centre of their world and all they could think about so I'd have never said. I just continued to say Ohhh so cute etc etc whilst talking about non baby related things and knew the ott phase would pass. They're now back to being themselves and chat about all manner of things including their kids but other things too. So whilst I do relate to your problem I'd let it pass and not say anything, I don't think you can without majorly hurting their feelings and ruining your friendship.

I think i would give her a pass on this and change the settings so the pic is blurred and doesn't store on your phone

My god, I'm glad I've never had kids as so many people on this thread seem to think that this is perfectly normal behaviour. I thought that we were past telling women to 'be kind'!? Dire.

I mean it is rather a lot of photos but it that hard to receive some baby pics? Just needs a heart and an ooh cutie. We all choose to spend our time in places like Mumsnet scrolling utter shite from strangers anyway - she’s just excited

Change the whatsapp settings so photos are not automatically downloaded in your camera roll.
On a daily basis you can just scroll through and comment « how cute » etc from time to time.
No need to mention anything. It will pass.

For a start I would turn off the setting that automatically saves WhatsApp photos to your camera roll! And you might be able to delete photos in big batches if your phone recognises the baby’s face 🙈. That will stop you having to see them when you don’t want to as it will annoy you. I would also feel weird about receiving photos of my friend’s bare breast/s. Baby on a boob is one thing (although still not that common to send photos of) but the other bare boob is just unnecessary

Just say the baby is fugly

I just tried.
It’s easy

Go into settings on your WhatsApp to stop the photos from downloading and then mute the chat. It will still be there so you can respond when you want but you can ignore it the rest of the time. And stop feeding the situation. I wouldn’t keep commenting on her photos-let it ride. Eventually she will realise-hopefully! And you could ask not to be sent topless photos at all-just say it makes you uncomfortable seeing a friend topless-don’t need to see your tits Julie!

I too had a difficult 'feeding journey' OP. So I can really understand how you might feel on that score. It's okay, I think, to mention to a good friend that the photos can be triggering while still indicating that you think she has a gorgeous baby. She needs an outlet for her photo enthusiasm. Why don't you buy her an old-fashioned real life album so she can busy herself with baby photo documentation - without feeling the urge to send them on to you so much?
It's quite possible she will be cringing later at how obsessive she is right now. But for now, if the friendship means a lot to you, you may have to grit your teeth a little and tell yourself it is a passing phase!

I think it’s really hard when you’re out of the baby bubble to put your self back into it, my youngest is only 3 but I still find it hard to relate to new and especially first time mums.

I also had parts of my pregnancy/birth journey that were a bit rocky and I can relate to the fact that it can still be triggering when people talk incessantly about parts of their experience you feel you may have missed out on. brief conversations in sure you manage but constant daily pictures for 8 months I imagine is draining!

I would give her a chance and maybe next time you meet up, open up about your experience and that it makes you feel sad or you find it difficult sometimes because of your experience. Even if she knew about it at the time, she maybe couldn’t relate if you say she was your non-child friend so it might help to talk about it and let her know how the pictures make you feel

Her response will let you know if there’s still something in the friendship and she’s just in a phase or if it’s a sign that this is one of the natural shifts in a friendship that can happen over time and as we change/grow and maybe you need some space from it

If I were you I would be happy for my friend rather than jealous cause I didn’t share the same journey!

This isn't normal behaviour. I know plenty of people who have had much longed for children slightly later in life and they've still managed not to send 70+ photos per week to their mates. I've never been sent a topless photo of my friends feeding, even the ones who i have seen feeding many times in person and who have seen me do the same. It would drive me potty too. Not sure what you can say sadly but I understand your frustration.

I would just put a heart on the photos or send a simple, “aw he looks cute.” Maybe wait a few hours before opening the messages too. That way you’re acknowledging the photos but not jumping in the air with excitement like she’s probably hoping you will be.

YAB massively unreasonable

This OP!

But it's not the same! Because babies are cute and teens... definitely less so!

OP i appreciate it's annoying but unless your friend is deliberately trying to wind you up, I'd just suck it up?

Just because your past this phase doesn't mean she can't share her joy of being a new mum?

I have a sister who does this. Still, 10 years later. Our family chat is one or two of everyone's else's little ones but this sister spams with 20+, most days. Breastfeeding with both boobs on show (unnecessary, for feeding and the family chat), her in the bath with them, them swearing and then acting faux shocked then laughing about it infront of them, her clearly teaching them what to say then recording it to show how 'funny/cute' they are (she prompts them and it's obvious it's been rehearsed 😐)... I get what it's like to be utterly in love with your own child, I felt that way too. But I don't get the need to overshare and expect others to feel that rush from the cute pics.

I get it OP, it's extremely boring and takes the novelty off when it's constant. Seeing it in real life is completely different, but photos are just so tedious. In my situation, all the family feels it's too much but because she's unhinged, no one will confront her and I'm already NC with her.

Definitely NOT being unreasonable. We're all different 🤷 I'd be muting her and just checking the messages once a day so it's not constant.

You sound jealous and resentful of someone who’s been a good friend to you! Suck it up, ride it out, be the friend she obviously needs for the short time her baby is young!

OP doesn't sound remotely 'jealous'. Her friend sounds insane and a complete oversharer.

Not all babies are cute. Cats are cute, babies are variable.