How do I ask a friend to stop sending baby photos?

[Onesidedfriendship]

I have been friends with someone for around 20 years, we are the same age but I had my children a little earlier so mine are now almost teens. Friend has recently had first child. We have always got along really well and her and her husband are very close to my children but I always remained quite respectful of the relationship and continued to talk about other things, went out without children for meals, spa days etc. I would occasionally send photos (if a big event at school or if child was wearing/using a gift they had bought) but again didn’t overload with pictures of kids. Now friend has had child the relationship has totally changed, she only messages me if it’s something related to the child or spam me with pictures. Can be up to 10 pictures a day on some days. If I message her about something else, she will reply but then will turn the conversation back to the baby and send more photos. I’m just finding it all a bit exhausting. Additionally, I had very bad feeding journeys with my children and didn’t breastfeed either which I always found quite upsetting. I have no problem with breastfeeding/bottle feeding and have always remained mute on the topic with other family/friends as quite frankly it is none of my business! But now this friend has also taken to sending me quite graphic photos of her breastfeeding her baby and I’ve just hit my threshold limit, it’s dragging up old triggers and quite frankly want it to stop. I’ve tried the ignore tactic or change the subject but she continues to do it. I have to tell her as it’s really affecting our friendship but don’t quote know how to do it. Am I being unreasonable for wanting friendship to go back to the way it was or at the very least stop the graphic photos?!

thanks everyone good advice, the baby is now 8 months old so as you can imagine that’s a lot of photos! And by graphic I mean no top/bra pictures not that breastfeeding is graphic 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Ironically she was the friend I always turned to for non child related chat as everyone else would always bring the conversation back to the kids and I just wanted a friend to chat to! She used to say she would always want to keep her identity post children and didn’t want to become child obsessed herself but that unfortunately hasn’t happened!

I would tell her your husband saw the photo of her BFing as he happened to be on your phone when it came through, so could she please hold off on those

Just say this. It is to the point but not rude.

Is it the feeling obliged to respond which is exhausting? I can relate to that as I run out of things to say when friends keep sending pics of their small children. Don’t feel guilty about not responding / massively reducing your response rate. She’ll get the hint.

Maybe a short message along the lines of "DH was surprised when he saw that one". It may get her to be a bit more circumspect about what she sends you.

Breastfeeding is not graphic. It's feeding and nourishment.

My brother and SIL did this. A hundred photos and videos a day of their then-new baby in 2017, to the point my phone filled up to its limit and stopped working properly.

I just deleted them, but kept a few that I liked. Eg her first day of nursery, singing happy birthday to me.

I would probably say something like ‘it’s great that you are having such a good time of breastfeeding - it was awful for me! I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t send quite so many pics, it’s a bit triggering! Baby looks gorgeous xxx’

she’ll be a bit taken aback; which is the point.
Id have gone insane by now op so hats off to you. I had a friend who chose Xmas day to send a message to annonce she was pregnant.. I was shocked as it’s something that is very painful for many women and I don’t think she stopped to think twice. I found it really crass to do a big announcement on Xmas day when people are focussing on their families etc xxx

I'm the new mum in this scenario, although I don't think I've sent any naked ones 🤣.

I am besotted and I am sending a lot of pics to people, but the ones I think is are happy to receive them. If this was how one of my long-term friends felt, I'd want to know. Gently, so something like adore Baba, can't wait for in person cuddles but so many photos are making me feel sad for my kids getting older - or something like that- her hormones are liable to be haywire 🤣

My elderly aunt sends me photos of her great grand children quite frequently over the years. My cousins or their children can barely be bothered to acknowledge me on the rare occasions I see them so I have no interest in seeing photos of their grand children.

I've always responded with how lovely etc, but have to admit the last batch of photos I got I didn't respond to.

It’s hard! She sounds very annoying but also as well as how obsessed you are with them at that age it can also be very very lonely and isolating so you want to be sensitive to that. Maybe she’s just trying to connect with you but doesn’t have it in her to produce anny other content right now! Could you say “oh wow marvellous to see how much little Beatrix is changing all the time! She is such a character! ❤️ now please dont be offended but I get a bit overwhelmed by so many photos, I love to hear your updates but could you cut back a little? I’m really busy with work and I’m finding the volume of phone stuff I’m receiving a bit much”

I wouldn't want to see a photo of a friend topless either, my friendships aren't like that, but each to their own I suppose...

@HollyGolightly4 honestly there will be friends who aren’t interested and find it annoying and are too polite to say so 😂 sorry to be blunt! Don’t send more than one or two pics a month. Only send when asked. Unless it’s to your mum or grandparents; most other people really aren’t invested x

Agree with this. Personally I don’t like any kind of nudity on my phone, whether that be breastfeeding or kids playing in the garden paddling pool. Phones get hacked or stolen. Remind her you never know who could end up getting those photos!

So you had kids and used her as a space to escape the kid stuff, but now you can’t afford her a bit of leeway being a new mum. You just want her to keep being your space to talk about other things.

I don’t think you’re much of a good friend. I’m glad I can share my photos with friends and I love seeing their kids and ours are all 3-7 now.

Mute her, check your messages in the evening, and respond once a day with a thumbs up message to one of the pics.

I would mute the chat and then check into it once a very couple of days, scroll through the photos/messages then, reply to anything you want to etc
If you don’t respond everyday she’ll hopefully realise and stop bombarding.
I BF my youngest after not be able to with my older ones, I didn’t take pictures and send them to people. There are pictures of him feeding, I treasure them but I’m not sure anyone else needs a picture other than me and my husband, I may appear I’m a few family shots discreetly feeding at parties etc but that’s it!

'Ironically she was the friend I always turned to for non child related chat as everyone else would always bring the conversation back to the kids and I just wanted a friend to chat to!'

You've had lots of sneery responses but I completely get why this is all a bit much for you OP. Sounds like your friendship has changed massively and that's really tough. You've had some good suggestions on here about what to say. She's gone from sharing to bombarding you and I think it's fine to ask her gently to ease off

And yes it is graphic to send your friend photos of you naked from the waist up, even in the context of breastfeeding 🤦🏻‍♂️ I mean, is nothing private any more?!

Only grandparents want lots of photos of your child.

8 months is still quite young- she's still in the throes of being a first time mum which can be all consuming particularly if any issues like no sleep etc. I'd give her more time and in the meantime don't engage with any baby photos sent to you.

Absolutely not true! I didn’t send people nearly enough out of fear of bombarding them, I decided to just wait until I was asked and I was constantly asked for them! I was quite surprised

Same, 20 years of friendship I would probs let her off. The baby won’t be a baby forever, and looking back I think I was probably a bit annoying with my first born. You do kind of lose self awareness, or at least I did in retrospect.

Or just post a heart and move on without looking at them.

I'm not sure you can say anything without it ending the friendship?
I'm no longer in touch with someone who kept sending me videos of their child. It just faded away over time. They weren't interested in me at all, just talking about themselves and child. So you may need to make a decision here.

I'm trying to get past that you find breastfeeding "upsetting". Did I read that correctly?

I would leave the messages on unread , or delete them before opening . I do this. Occasionally, I will just do a thumbs up.

It is tiring - I get this with family members . My own kids are quite a bit older than their cousins . I thought it was just me who felt like you do.

I was probably like it to a degree, but the parenting style adds to my grievances too - child led / gentle BS . Plus, the sing songy voices when around them (from the adults I mean)

I have digressed. Sorry.

Either

• Do it in a jokey way but still making the point ("Woh, stop with all the photos" type thing)
• Be direct - as you have here (I wouldn't mind this personally) OR
• Mute the conversation, make sure photos aren't saved to your camera roll and ignore