Advisable to pay for childcare for 1 year old if dh on 70% pay, i am on 40k and we have mortgage £1250 in London

[Oneanddonemum2025]

Dh is on long term sick leave for complex medical reasons but he does care for our son now- changes his nappies, takes him out to give me a break, cooks his meals. He is on 70% of his previous income (75k) which works out to 50k. I was made redundant just before i got pregnant, worked a contract role during pregnancy and just got a new role paying less than what i previously earned (40k). Not happy with it but the job market is terrible and we have dipped far too much into savings due to dh's sick leave.

2 days at childcare would be around £300 with free hours (employees on sick leave qualify). Our mortgage is £1250 for a 2 bed flat. No student loans so take home around £5900..

Aibu to think we could save on childcare during this tight time or am i being stingy? Or is baby better off with his dad than a nursery worker though it may contribute to burnout. One thing is baby is still boob obsessed so one benefit of his father caring for him is dh says he will take him to my office during lunch breaks.

This mostly depends what DH thinks rather than us doesnt it?

Typically it would be better for a 1-yo to be with a parent but it’s hard to say without understanding your DH’s condition. If he’s off sick from work, can he mange to look after a child all week?

He thinks we should save money but as baby has been on me breastfeeding and cosleeping for most of his 11 months, the time he has spent with baby has been limited.

It depends on your DH health really? And what the future is likely to look like.

Its hard to say. He has functional neurological disorder (just diagnosed). The workplace would be far too stressful for him at the moment but one way i coped with being main caregiver (when baby was crawling) was to take him to softplay or playgroup. Dh could do that too.

Are you working 5 days?
Being unwell enough to be on long term sick and already doing 3 days of childcare seems like a lot, I don’t think many people would want to be on sick leave but caring for an infant 5 full days a week.

Yes 5 days.

It makes sense if he can manage to save 300 per week. Many sick and disabled people look after children, they’ve no choice.
Can you hire a student to help?

I'd be researching his condition/talking to doctors and finding out whether rest is likely to aid his recovery

Is it really better for a child to be with a parent 24/7? Lots of research suggests children thrive in communal environments, develop better communication and social skills and adapt to school more quickly. Two days in childcare could well be very beneficial for the child's development.

If he is on sick leave I would expect child care to be in place so that he could return at any point.

We have paid the deposit for a place when i was pregnant. We just keeo postponing start date. It was for full time hours as well but of course if we start we will change number of hours

I think at 1yo the evidence suggests a parent (albeit one who is capable of attending classes, socialising them) is better. I could be wrong about that though (I don’t have the evidence to hand but I recall reading studies in the past). I say that as someone who sent both their children to nursery when they were 1yo!

To understand: your DH is being paid £50k a year sick pay as unable to work, and you are suggesting he should care for a baby for three days a week during this period?

How long do you anticipate him being paid like this? I assume it can’t go on forever, and his employer will be looking to move him to statutory sick pay at some point.

If I were the employer and discovered the employee I was supporting was using this time to provide childcare while being too ill to work, I’d be stopping any enhanced pay pretty sharpish.

Same.

What’s his plan to return to work….he won’t be on 75% of his pay forever

His OH has said it can go on for up to 5 years. Its being paid by the insurance company. The only restriction is voluntary work or side gigs. Thats for a new claim

Technically the insurance policy says it can go on till state pension age! Thats not our plan at all

Is this safe? FND can have some issues like limb weakness, is there a risk he could drop the baby or struggle physically?

I sort of feel like someone who is not well enough to work at all is really really going to struggle with full time sole charge care of an active 1 year old. If it was that something about the workplace had made him ill so he was OK at home it would be different but FND is not like that is it.

I would definitely go ahead with childcare. It provides respite for dh, will allow flexibility in case of hospital appts or if he is worse and your dc will enjoy 2 days. You can move on with your career as well knowing you have childcare in place. Its a win win I think, don't over think it. Dc will enjoy.

He does check in with OH periodically. Goes to all the medical appointments etc and therapy. OH says its for up to 5 years for sick pay and so far he has used up a year.

Under the age of about 2-3 the evidence is very clear that absent genuinely neglectful parenting, it is more beneficial for the child to be with a primary caregiver.

After this age some social benefits to group childcare etc kick in but not in infanthood.

The workplace was highly stressful objectively..

You can’t see how someone might not be able to work but can care for their own child? I don’t know any parent on sick leave who can hive off all childcare - what do you think single parents do when their child isn’t in care? What a ridiculous position to take.

FND case cause ‘seizures’/ drops. Is he safe to be caring for a baby on his own. This condition can be exacerbated by stress. Caring for a baby can be stressful. If I were you I’d prioritise my dh’s health and long term recovery and put baby in childcare so that he can recover otherwise you’re just risking his future health.

But is FND caused by stress? I thought its like muscle numbness and limb weakness etc. Has he got positive hoovers sign or seizures etc or speech/memory issues?

If the workplace being stressful is whats making him ill it sounds like he needs a change of job not sole charge if a baby while on sick pay.