Advisable to pay for childcare for 1 year old if dh on 70% pay, i am on 40k and we have mortgage £1250 in London

[Oneanddonemum2025]

Dh is on long term sick leave for complex medical reasons but he does care for our son now- changes his nappies, takes him out to give me a break, cooks his meals. He is on 70% of his previous income (75k) which works out to 50k. I was made redundant just before i got pregnant, worked a contract role during pregnancy and just got a new role paying less than what i previously earned (40k). Not happy with it but the job market is terrible and we have dipped far too much into savings due to dh's sick leave.

2 days at childcare would be around £300 with free hours (employees on sick leave qualify). Our mortgage is £1250 for a 2 bed flat. No student loans so take home around £5900..

Aibu to think we could save on childcare during this tight time or am i being stingy? Or is baby better off with his dad than a nursery worker though it may contribute to burnout. One thing is baby is still boob obsessed so one benefit of his father caring for him is dh says he will take him to my office during lunch breaks.

Why does the child need to go to nursery when its father is home?

Thank you for this. My mortgage isnt huge for london so i thought worth mentioning it. Its 20% of combined take home.

Tbh its because we dont have any financial support from family thats why dh ended up on sick leave. He is genuinely ill but i bet a lot of people out there trying to hack it. But for us the risk is too great of being 1 income down with the job market being the way it is.

Even with capability to work processes it will take months. And also protected under equality act, need to offer reasonable adjustments before termination. Dh has been there since 2023 so protected from unfair dismissal. As for redundancy, payout at least 3 months.

I’m 😳😳 that you think someone who has been deemed unfit to work (hence receiving the insurrance payout) can look after a toddler tbh.

I oersonally have an issue with FND (because I feel it’s more likely a misdiagnosis - ie the ‘rigut’ tests haven’t been done). But it doesn’t change your dh is UNWELL.
Yes he can try to look after baby. But what will be the consequence on his health ??

I do qualify for it. Its £300 per month for 2 days

I am shocked that any company could and would pay sick pay of £50k a year for 5years 🙀🙀🙀

but be fine with them doing fulltime childcare

if finds the job stressful maybe look for a different role or what will change in 4yrs time and the pay stops tho at £250k that’s pretty amazing

what is his long term plan

equally if that wasn’t the sick pay and was on ssp would dh manage to do some work each day ……

I think on that sort of money carry on paying for childcare for 2days a week to give your dh a break and so dc can socialise as doubt dh will be taking dd out every day doing stuff /seeing other toddlers etc

as he will be doing 3 days by himself anyway. Is that right ?

You don’t see a difference between being on sick leave and just not working?

YAt. But that’s tge reality of being a couple where one oersonally is chronically ill.
Your dh won’t get better just because numbers don’t add up.

fwiw I’m the one who is chronically ill.
Ive looked after my dcs when they were little despite being ill. I would not recommend it to anyone. I lived on survival mode all if that time and, as a Result, have no memories of my dcs childhood. I was literally concentration too much on puttimg one foot in front of the other. Not just struggling iyswim.

I think people with a baby underestimate how hard work a toddler is. This is one of the reasons that “granny day care” often fails.

Granny thinks that she will be fine taking on the sweet little angel that stays still in their cot and demands nothing more than food, nappy changes and cuddles.

Instead by the time mum goes back to work Granny is left with an adorable hell-demon who seems fully able to eat the cat food, draw all over the walls and scale the bookcase like it is a ladder in the time it takes for Granny to attempt to pick up the building blocks that have just been thrown across the lounge.

He does take the baby out regularly. Mainly to cafes and playgrounds. Often did that to give me a break.

I think it will definitely vary from child to child, from parent to parent and from nursery to nursery!

I don't feel remotely guilty about sending my kids to nursery at 1yo, it was necessary and they are very happy kids (and very lucky kids in my humble opinion!)

I think it's fine to acknowledge that a certain set up is optimal for the child on a population level (ie. at home with an engaged, capable, happy parent) but also to make compromises and choose something slightly different for your family. Either because you think your child might benefit from slightly different things, or indeed just out of necessity.

I found being at home with small kids very challenging and I was perfectly healthy so I can imagine the OP's husband might find it difficult.

So you’re proposing to put the child in full time? Can’t you put the child in nursery for 3 or 4 days and your DH can pick up the rest?

If it’s £300 for two days on top of the free hours and tax free childcare you’re going for an extremely expensive option, and there will be cheaper ones around.

Yes thats what i am worried about. My baby is pretty active now so i take him to a community centre near me which is £5 from 9 to 4 ( with free soup) and has a huge room with lots of toys.

It really isn't feasible for somebody on long term sick leave to be forced to care for a young child full time. Sick leave is to aid recovery and give the mind and body a chance to rest and recover and I doubt this will. Its a mad idea.

I went for that one as its near dh's work and if he does get called back into work, we can manage that easily. I havent included tax free childcare. Its £240 per month under that.

Both work in central london and need an easy place for pickup if both working till 6

I read it as the DH would be caring for the child for 3 days and the £300 is to stretchy the funded hours into 2 full days?

You can change providers if and when he goes back to work though.

I think it’d be better to use (cheap) childcare now and let him focus on his recovery, at least a few days a week.

Difficulty with finding places

1 year olds are A LOT more difficult to care for than a baby, physically. They run run run and climb and throw themselves of high surfaces. Seriously, the dangers that toddlers can get themselves into are mind-blowing.

I would not expect a sick man to be able to keep him safe.

He's on long term sick leave. It isn't something like flu which is horrible to deal with whilst doing childcare, but you know will get better after a week or so. He needs proper time to rest and recover before his generous sick pay ends, so he can get back to work.

I would use childcare.

Taking the baby to the park the give you a break is not the same as looking after a toddler all day every day. It is tiring.

I was a sahm (and in full health) and we paid for toddler to go to nursery 2 mornings a week for my sanity. Presumably it doesn’t have to be full time childcare? but surely if your DH is too ill to work then he’s too ill to care full time for an active child?

Would you be able to look at having nursery for a half day every day, and your DH could then rest that part of the day and have your/ his child in the afternoons?

I think the issue here is his health and the actual practicalities of looking after a toddler full time - it's much harder than a baby in a lot of ways, and I'd be really concerned about the safety aspect. I don't think that's a great plan for recovery if you have literally any other option.

You're in a pretty amazing situation with his salary for not working and I'd very much want to prioritise his health - for your life if not for returning to work.

Why would you or dh think this is ok? A baby is so utterly dependent. You can’t be letting him care for your baby alone when he’s has brain fog and he has memory issues and seizures? Put baby in nursery then you work.

You may be able to look after a baby, but what about the toddler or a preschooler?

It's far more active, far less downtime and often far more stressful. If you have brain fog and forget where you've put the baby, your baby will still be there (or nearby). Do the same for a toddler and it might well be wandering along a main road.

Toddler having some nursery time and some time with your husband is the more sensible plan. At least try doing half and half for a few months, reassess when your baby is 18 months, so much more toddler and your husband has had six months of doing 50% child care. If he finds toddler's fine, if it's not making his illness worse and he feels that he can up the hours, do it then.

We also need to prioritize the roof over baby's head. We only have 24k in savings due to sick leave and me being on maternity allowance for a year so it was eroded. So every bit of building up savings helps. Our mortgage is 1250 m, not huge but still a consideration. Its 20% of post tax income (including sick pay) which is now massive with a baby on top.
He hasnt had seizures for years.