Advisable to pay for childcare for 1 year old if dh on 70% pay, i am on 40k and we have mortgage £1250 in London

[Oneanddonemum2025]

Dh is on long term sick leave for complex medical reasons but he does care for our son now- changes his nappies, takes him out to give me a break, cooks his meals. He is on 70% of his previous income (75k) which works out to 50k. I was made redundant just before i got pregnant, worked a contract role during pregnancy and just got a new role paying less than what i previously earned (40k). Not happy with it but the job market is terrible and we have dipped far too much into savings due to dh's sick leave.

2 days at childcare would be around £300 with free hours (employees on sick leave qualify). Our mortgage is £1250 for a 2 bed flat. No student loans so take home around £5900..

Aibu to think we could save on childcare during this tight time or am i being stingy? Or is baby better off with his dad than a nursery worker though it may contribute to burnout. One thing is baby is still boob obsessed so one benefit of his father caring for him is dh says he will take him to my office during lunch breaks.

Honestly, for the sake of saving £300 a month it sounds madness for DH to potentially put his longer term health at risk rather than focus on his recovery and returning to work. Surely the insurance is a workplace benefit and only continues to pay out as long as DH is employed by his company? Unless there’s some indication that he’s going to be able to return to work, I wouldn’t be surprised if they raise the idea of settling him out on incapacity grounds.

Yeah they are like this as babies and get less conveniently portable as toddlers. Most toddlers don't sleep in the morning.

Your baby is 11 months, they will not be the same at 14 months.
DC sleeping a lot in the mornings up until now doesn’t mean that will be the case in a few months, in fact developmentally they likely won’t.
Do you have a highchair in your office?
Your anecdotes about your set up now are very clearly about a young baby, but that’s getting less and less the case.

So strapped in for an hour then 40 minutes for boobs plus a very rushed lunch, another 20 minutes of strapped in and then a delayed and shortened nap.

There's nothing wrong with a nap a bit later - we did nap at 1 or 1:30, but that's not the schedule that nurseries keep and you'll have to fall in line with their timings.

Half days are fine but your plan sounds absolutely crap for both your husband and toddler.

Surely it's better for your husband to give him lunch and then take him to nursery. Or better still, nursery in the mornings and then home for nap and time with dad.

Exhaustion mainly. My dh says fhat looking after our son is much easier than work because at work people can make unreasonable requests and threaten to fire you every hour. And if you escalate to hr they dont care unless its a lawsuit in the making (which is what it has become now with all the diagnosis etc) It brings back ptsd episodes because his mother used to emotionally pressure him in the same way, he is no contact with her now.

So he totally collapses under the abuse. Our son doesnt threaten to fire his father everyday.

I think your suggestions are just nuts and you’re naive to what an older baby will be like. Your DH has already been off for a full year, you don’t seem to suggest he has improved and going back any time soon. His symptoms must be sever enough to be signed off work by so many people according to your posts so carting a toddler to and from central London for nursery sounds completely impractical.

Sign up to local nurseries, you can be flexible with the offerings compares to most people who need it for work so you might be able to slot into a part time place, or be offered a place last minute if someone drops out.

I mean I hate to be that person but if you don’t think a toddler abuses you…!!!!

Oh gosh this sounds like a terrible plan again. What a palaver. Have you checked with the nursery about nap times? Toddlers don’t typically nap in the mornings and are notoriously less awesome about going with the flow.

Really, really suggest you spend some time with some toddlers before you go too far down this thought process. You keep sounding like you haven’t considered the massive developmental changes that will be happening in the next few months.

It sounds like he was in a dreadful workplace

I would have fhought its more stressful braving rush hour on the tube in the morning. Commute on the tube, then lunch at 12 for an hour with some milk from me and then nursery at 1.

Well thats the thing. We live in London so if he cant manage a tube trip on the northern linr, he cant go to therapy either. All his medical appointments are in central london

We managed a year with a baby using only public transport. Our tube has no lift. We live in a walk up flat. We have zero help from family. Baby has been to 3 countries too and to baby classes including a weekly class in marylebone (mandarin class from 6 months).maybe our toddler would be different but many babies have never been on the tube. Our baby was on the tube from 1 week.

Is there not a nursery within walking distance of home? Maybe that's unrealistic in London. Travelling an hour really isn't great.

When a child does half days (especially to make things easier for parents) then the norm is for the child to do mornings as that wears them out and then they come home for a good rest. Afternoon activities are then often more home based, juggled with cooking dinner.

Whether he goes morning or afternoons though, the plan for taking him to work is pointless. He can have milk before work, after work and night.

For your husband, who has been signed off from work and who’s main symptom is “exhaustion” a journey once a week on the tube for a medical appointment is not the same as travelling with a toddler for an hour a day, every day. I don’t understand how you can’t see that.

The vast majority of children in London have been on the tube regularly as babies, you’re not unique. Literally most women on maternity leave spend maternity leave hopping about with their baby on the tube.
You’ve actually had a much easier set up than most given you’ve had 2 parents at home for the last year.

There is but we were on the waitlist despite registering when i was 4 months pregnant. Before baby mumsnet told me it was a bad idea but then after a year of carting baby to and from central london, this is an easy journey.

What is hard is london to newcastle train, stay for 2 days then ferry from newcastle to amsterdam, then amsterdam to utrecht. Then utrecht to bussum. Then bussum to amsterdam. All within a few days with a wedding on top. Then eurostar back to London. All with family pressuring us to attend all sorts of events. That was hard with a teething 3 month old.

The more you post OP, the more it sounds as though there’s no realistic prospect of your DH returning to work, at least not to his previous job where he says he’s stressed, abused, and unsupported. I think you both need to think about the medium to long term options for him generally, rather than focusing just on juggling your DC’s care whilst he’s on sick leave. An employer like his isn’t likely to keep him on sick leave indefinitely, without indication of his likely return.

But my husband goes on the tube irrespective of medical appointments. He has to. We dont live so centrally that its an option to skip the tube.

Your just strap a 3 month to yourself and get on with it surely? Travelling with a tiny baby is as easy as travelling gets with kids.

But that wasn't your everyday commute was it 😂

You're just not looking at this practically. Why do you want him to do a pointless hour long journey which massively restricts what he can do with the toddler. Who is gaining from this? Certainly not toddler.

I honestly think the sick leave is the only reason why he has stayed on.

Which, again, is not the same as commuting for an hour daily for a toddler to do a handful of hours at nursery, only for you to have to return with toddler at rush hour.

Sick leave doesn’t last forever. The company will want indication that he can return, or will begin the process for incapacity settlement. If his job is as bad as he says, and exacerbates his ill-health, he can’t realistically return anyway. He needs to think through his options rather than just seeing this through a childcare lens.

Yet he was too ill to work while you were doing all this gallivanting?

Yeah they sound pretty well off even on the " reduced ' income which is 90k per year. Plus child benefit and free nursery hours.

If its near my work i can do pick ups even if i work later. He needs to do mornings and then drop him off. If it was near our home he would be doing pick up as well.

It.would be so much better for his long term prospects if he were to focus on finding a job he can do
I work full time with a debilitating condition that is often misdiagnosed as FND. The key is a supportive employer and the ability to WFH when needed

What is the point in this silly lunch time plan? Who does it benefit?