Advisable to pay for childcare for 1 year old if dh on 70% pay, i am on 40k and we have mortgage £1250 in London

[Oneanddonemum2025]

Dh is on long term sick leave for complex medical reasons but he does care for our son now- changes his nappies, takes him out to give me a break, cooks his meals. He is on 70% of his previous income (75k) which works out to 50k. I was made redundant just before i got pregnant, worked a contract role during pregnancy and just got a new role paying less than what i previously earned (40k). Not happy with it but the job market is terrible and we have dipped far too much into savings due to dh's sick leave.

2 days at childcare would be around £300 with free hours (employees on sick leave qualify). Our mortgage is £1250 for a 2 bed flat. No student loans so take home around £5900..

Aibu to think we could save on childcare during this tight time or am i being stingy? Or is baby better off with his dad than a nursery worker though it may contribute to burnout. One thing is baby is still boob obsessed so one benefit of his father caring for him is dh says he will take him to my office during lunch breaks.

I remember those lovely cafe trips with a BABY. They became a lot more stressful with a toddler.

I don't know why we bother though. Every single parent here has told you your plan is stupid and detrimental on your child and husband. But you've got fingers in your ears.

At the same time, you're complaining a out being almost minimum wage at 2.5 times the average household income, and your 'very meagre' savings which are far more than many families could dream of.

You're oblivious to your privilege.

Well won't be much socialisation if he's only there at nap time

I’m trying to imagine the misery of a toddler throwing their lunch in a cafe every single week day 😂

As a baby i ate out every single day as i was born in a country where people have maids or eat out or both. My grandma didnt like maids so i was just taken out. I think my parents survived!

Survival isn't in doubt. You actions being in the best interests of a toddler on the other hand...

How can you be applying for schools that follow 2 different religions> surely that’s totally hypocritical?

Why? Both are state schools that accept taxpayer monies. C of E esp, most c of e schools have non christian children, they just give priority to kids that attend the church cos they are oversubscribed. Anyone can attend the church for 2 years.

Many jewish kids do attend c of e schools. Less so now but my own rabbi attended a c of e primary school. Most get in via distance.

Its different if its an orthodox jewish school and you lied that you keep shabbat and kosher. Or a catholic one that needs baptism. But no jewish school i am applying to requires such a statement of faith.

I’m guessing this is not that country.

And a baby is not a toddler.

And a husband too sick to work isn’t also a husband who would benefit from
dragging a cranky toddler round in circles.

And £24K is not meagre.

And £90K is not minimal wage.

This is such a strange post. I’m now wondering if it’s just a bizarre wind up. You are very uninterested in suggestions or logic or learning from other people’s experience of having actual toddlers. What were you hoping to gain here?

OP that routine sounds very stressful for all involved! Especially 4 days a week.

Definitely not ideal for someone signed off work with ill health with the primary symptom being exhaustion. I’ve traveled with babies and toddlers, they get harder from age about 1 to 3 and then they start getting easier again

Forget the cafe, not daily anyway, just have DH drop them off and you pick up. Can the nursery do mornings? You take toddler in and then DH picks up at lunch time. Toddler can sleep in buggy on the journey home. Or just do full days and you do the drop off and pick up.

@Oneanddonemum2025why are you saying you’re on not much more than minimum wage? You have 90k combined. Are you so stupid you don’t know how much more than minimum wage that is?

Crack on, it’s clear you don’t want any opinions from your own.
Toddlers love doing a 2 hour return journey every day, being strapped into a buggy or carrier for extended periods of time with no freedom in between.
They love eating quickly and neatly in a cafe, they’re never loud or a nuisance to other people. They never cause an unholy mess when they eat.
They love seeing their primary caregiver for a very short period of time and they always understand when they swiftly leave and they definitely don’t make their displeasure known by screaming and crying.
They love being woken early from a nap because they’ve been put down late.
They love their long commit home, every day , and being squashed on the northern line every day at 5.45pm between all the incredibly annoyed passengers.

They love all of this and your parents survived your grandmother taking you out to eat so it’s proven really.

Op,

when I was ill and we had twin toddlers my husbands employer got them into nursery near where he worked.

for a couple of weeks while I was in hospital he commuted to central London and back with two 18 month olds. Because that was where the nursery was.

we lived in Cambridge at the time.

it was 1.5 hours travel in the morning and the same back again and when I was well enough we didn’t have to do it any more he was so, so happy.

three hours a day of trying to keep toddlers entertained and fairly quiet on a commuter train and then the tube into Moorgate.

not fun.

maybe your schedule will work, maybe it won’t but have back up plans and be prepared to use them.

Is no one else reeling at the man who's been on 50k sick pay for a year due to "exhaustion"

Honestly this stuff is why this country is fucked. This money is never free. What insurers have to pay out they pass on as higher premiums to everyone else.

Op just be really careful. This stuff is obvious if your DH ever asks for a reference. A lot of employers are not going to touch him with a bargepole in future.

It is what it is. The company recommended he go on sickness insurance and it was recommended by the doctor. The doctor also knows he has a young son. He went on paid paternity leave, and the insurer knew and he went off sickness insurance for a few months. Did they think he was doing nothing during paternity leave.

Its 50k cos its 70% of your salary. The cap is something far higher like up to 500k salary or something.. he isnt the only one in his department in this situation, lets put it this way. He is the lowest earning by far though

It sounds like his pay is coming from his insurance policy and like he has a brain disability or chronic illness. The whole point of insurance is that they pay out for things like this or else what would be the point of them? Why would we feel sick that a man and his family haven’t been left to topple into financial difficulty because he got sick?

So you are worried about saving money but DH is going to pay to commute into London every day and then you will both pay for a drink in a cafe? Nothing about this makes any sense!

How many cafes (especially in central London at lunch time) are going to be happy with a toddler eating a packed lunch, with the associated mess, noise and general carnage, all for 2 cups of coffee? 😂

I bet they can't wait to mop the floor under your table daily for zero financial gain.

The only symptoms of illness op has given is brain fog & exhaustion. Its not clear how this has qualified him for a FND diagnosis and situations like this are why people question if FND is real.

By that criteria shall we take all working parents and perimenopausal women out of the workforce on sick pay?

It sounds like the issue was his job, not him. His employer/team was shit and he just needed to move job.

I agree, nothing about this makes any sense.

Ridiculous. You think that to get a sympathetic response on Mumsnet or be treated by society you should have to detail every symptom of your illness and let people with no medical knowledge diagnose whether or not you deserve a pay out from the insurance policy you've been paying into and then they can decide if your case is worthy or not?

People get ill. That's life. The responsibilities of life don't disappear when you get ill. If you're receiving less money to manage the responsibilities of your life then you manage it differently. If you're lucky enough to be insured against getting ill then you use that money to pay for being alive and manage the other essentials how best you canb given your circumstances. Key point: it's nobody else's fucking business how you do that.

Like insurance companies pay out without watertight evidence anyway.

More to the point , that's probably £10 a day minimum for op and her husband (plus husband's travel costs) which doesn't tally with wanting to save money