Advisable to pay for childcare for 1 year old if dh on 70% pay, i am on 40k and we have mortgage £1250 in London

[Oneanddonemum2025]

Dh is on long term sick leave for complex medical reasons but he does care for our son now- changes his nappies, takes him out to give me a break, cooks his meals. He is on 70% of his previous income (75k) which works out to 50k. I was made redundant just before i got pregnant, worked a contract role during pregnancy and just got a new role paying less than what i previously earned (40k). Not happy with it but the job market is terrible and we have dipped far too much into savings due to dh's sick leave.

2 days at childcare would be around £300 with free hours (employees on sick leave qualify). Our mortgage is £1250 for a 2 bed flat. No student loans so take home around £5900..

Aibu to think we could save on childcare during this tight time or am i being stingy? Or is baby better off with his dad than a nursery worker though it may contribute to burnout. One thing is baby is still boob obsessed so one benefit of his father caring for him is dh says he will take him to my office during lunch breaks.

As we all know the job market isnt easy at the moment. Which is why i am working 5 days in the office with a 1 year old on reduced pay.

If he was to lose that new amazing job we would be much financially worse off. And no one would care.

Toddler gets milk, we avoid morning rush hour, i can do pickup. Toddler can see mummy. We can have a short period of family time.

Your 14 month old will be able to have milk in the morning and evening, which would be more than sufficient for them. They should be on a full solid diet.

Is this a new role?
How are you going to guarantee you never have meetings or obligations at midday? It’s not really what most people could class as lunch time.

I think it sounds disruptive for everyone. It seems like a lovely idea now, but a fractious toddler who’s been carted across London on public transport when they are tired / cranky / just being a toddler may not settle on arrival, and do you really want to be coming back from your lunch break upset because you’ve just seen your baby upset and had to leave them whilst still so? Meanwhile, your DH whose principal symptom is exhaustion, is having to wrangle said fractious toddler out of the house and onto the tube and then on to nursery, then travel back home. It’s not going to support his recovery.

I could be wrong but my baby is really chill. He hardly cries and he loves the tube, he tries to make friends wifh everyone.

😬

Your baby misses out on socialisation, spends large swathes of time stuck in a pushchair or sling, and has a crap rushed lunch, followed by half a nap, and then a late night (by the time you get back).

It's very disruptive for a few minutes of mummy time and some boobs. It's not to his benefit at all.

Practically speaking, how will your husband be transporting your toddler? If it's pushchair, then he's single handed managing that with a lift less tube station - tricky with a baby, FAR harder with a toddler. Or a sling, which is much easier in general with London, but when your little one transitions to 1 nap, he'll probably fall asleep on the way to nursery. How experienced is he at decanting a sleeping baby? If your toddler ends up with a v short nap, as all the other (noisy!) toddlers will be waking earlier, then he'll be knackered on the way home at pickup, and you'll have danger naps, with the consequent really late bedtimes. There are solutions to some of these issues, but I'm not sure you've thought of any of this, as all you see is a largely immobile, light, pliable baby. Not the toddler who is hangry, and you carry in one arm, whilst he goes rigid and hit and kicks you, whilst simultaneously dragging a pushchair up the stairs!

I don't think the OP is going to change anything y'all. Like with lots of our pre-baby fantasies, she'll just have to experience it for herself. I just hope nothing terrible happens with a poorly, exhausted man dragging his toddler around for no purpose.

'Family time' while in an office is another odd one to me. Where exactly is all this lovely family time happening? Are you meeting at a cafe every day?

Genuinely the standard will be a nap just after lunch - that is what pretty much any nursery will do after the baby room. So your toddler will get to childcare just in time for a nap and will likely spend this entire journey exhausted and hungry. it is just all backwards and very faffy for everyone. Very much respect anyone's right to breastfeed as long as they like, but this scenario is ludicrous.

There must be a nursery nearer home. If your husband isn't spending two hours visiting you at work and dragging a toddler around, he can do pickup and dropoff.

Yes we will meet at a cafe daily. Dh doesnt need to go straight home either, he can hang out in a cafe or in british library (he has membership) until he recovers

There are cafes near my office. The childcare is near my office so he will get to childcare just in time for 1 pm nap. And i will pick him up at 5:30

You'll spend a fortune at the cafe every single day - wouldn't that money be better spent on £200/month for another day of childcare?

Usually naptimes are earlier than that at nursery but guessing you checked that. My kids were in full-day so probably different for ones that run half-day slots.

I wish you luck OP, but I think you’re both being very myopic about this and choosing only to see it through a childcare lens. Your DH is unlikely to keep his job unless he’s able to give his employer some form of commitment about whether and when he will be well enough to return to work, his job doesn’t sound like one he can return to anyway without becoming ill again, and nothing about this proposed set up of rushing across London and back all the time carting a toddler suggests that he’s going to be able to focus on his recovery.

I can almost guarantee nap time is midday. Every single London nursery I’ve ever head of has it at the exact same time. Lunch is 11am, then clean up and nap from 12-2pm.
Your DC is likely to go down super late and wake up early, leading to a cranky journey home at 5:30 stuck in the buggy for an hour.

We. We is you and dh

you say we a lot in travelling or tube or at home

dh will be doing childcare on his own

and very different doing a tube on his own for medical apps/therapy v taking a toddler and buggy and changing bag etc and travelling on tube

toddlers usually nap in the afternoon and as others have said - your son will have to fall into the nursery routine

I’m all for supporting mums who bf but the plan to bring to your work for a feed and lunch every day sounds mad.

More to the point are work happy with a toddler coming every day - hardly looks professional lunch in highchair in your office

choosing a childcare setting more local to home makes more sense. Even look at child minders

We will meet outside in a cafe. I will eat lunch at my desk then pop out.

You didn’t want to spend £240 on 2 full days but you’re going to pay to spend an hour a day, every day sitting in a cafe?
You can’t sit in a cafe breastfeeding your toddler and him eating a pack lunch every day and not spending money.

That’s coz he is a baby

wait till walking and toddler stage and doesn’t went to be strapped into a buggy

Baby will go in a sling. Dh always has changing supplies in his backpack. Our pram is lightweight anyway.

Dh can carry the pram with baby inside for now but as i cant, how i have always managed it is the sling lives under the buggy. Strap baby in just before ticket barrier. Climb up steps. Put baby in buggy after steps are a non issue. Or just baby in sling

Yes, the finances make no sense. DH’s tube fare, plus food and drinks in a cafe is going to add up to pretty much whatever you were saving on childcare.

I am paying for 2 full days bur half day sessions.so dh has downtime on 4 days.

You can just buy a coffee which dh already buys. Plus he doesnt spend a full day separated from his parents. He has time with dad and mum and also some hours in nursery for socialisation (which isnt reconmended at 1 but a half day probably wouldnt have a huge impact).

😂😂😂

You have a baby.

This is a toddler. They don't play by the same rules.

(1) What if (when) toddler refuses the sling for the stairs?
(2) What if being cozy in the sling after lunch means he arrives at nursery asleep in the sling. How good is your husband at decanting?

I've done London with baby in a sling. I've done London with toddler in a sling (and for what it's worth, a disabled older child in the sling). Baby is a very very different experience.

Honestly, it sounds less stressful for your husband for him to be a SAHD rather than the plan you've come up with..

Not one person on here who had been through the toddler stage has thought it's a good idea. Why do you think that is?

But... you won't be doing any of this with a 'baby'.

Where is the child eating lunch? In a cafe every day?

Genuinely this is the strangest plan I've seen today. You will spend a fortune faffing around and making everyone exhausted.

Given you've got a nursery an hour away from home but near your work, a lower number of full days is much better plan

I would suggest your casual attitude about your husband buying a coffee every single day is part of the confusion about your finances. I do not buy a coffee out every day because that adds up really quickly. If he stops that you can easily pay for proper full-day childcare another day a week. It must be £3-4 daily on this if not more so that's at least £100 a month right there. I don't love the 'young people and their fancy coffee and avocado toast' thing that people point to with cost of living but this specific situation is bizarre - you don't want to spend on childcare, but are happy to spend on takeaway coffees every single day??

We will bring food or he can have lunch at the cafe. Its also not set in stone that he needs to have lunch with me daily.

Its just an option if dh feels he needs to hand over baby.

I know doctoes who drive twins all the way to a hospital one hour away because they have on site childcare. Daily. That has to be harder.

The three of you can’t sit in a cafe every day over a single coffee while using it as a space to feed your messy toddler a packed lunch, every day.

At close to 1.5 it’s going to be extremely disruptive to a toddler to be carted an hour on public transport to see mum for half an hour and then be taken away. Toddlers notoriously struggle with transitions, he won’t understand the short visit to you and then immediately leaving. A baby is significantly less perceptive (I know, I know, your mandarin speaking 6 month old is the most advanced perceptive baby of all time) but babies are much more blobby and easily distracted than toddlers.

Theres just no way there isn’t a childminder, a nanny or a playgroup closer to your home that would create a break and be easier for everyone. Child minders have much, much shorter waiting lists.