What do your classes do that give you the rage?

[friendswithacat]

Mine are, in no particular order:

Get a tiny little knock from the kid next to them (by accident) or bump their arm on the table. Yell in "agony" wincing, clutching their arm (or whichever body part was 'injured' ) looking around accusingly. On the pain. Fuck. Off. Man up (and it is always boys!)

Ben at the back needs a pen. I go over there and give Ben a pen. I resume speaking. Ryan also at the back needs a pen. Repeat. Ellie then also needs one. Did it not occur to you to ask at the same time, feckers???

Say loudly in front of the SLT grass teacher 'Ohhhh, miss, I love your lessons cause we never get homework!'

Someone spilled tea in the staff room. My white top was covered in tea. Every. Single. Kid told me my top had 'brown stuff on it, ugh!' Giggle giggle. My smile was strained.

It's not the date, title, OR objective. It's all three. Because I said so.

You want to move seats? Okay. Back goes the chair, fall to the floor. BOOM, crash, clatter clatter scraaaaaaaape. Don't mind me, I'm only teaching.

A phone beeped. It's an iPhone, you all have one although you don't have pens stop looking around, gasping in pretend-horror accusing one another. And plus kids, it was mine! Ha. Oh and it was me who farted lesson 4. Sorry about that, Taylor from year 10, but you looked a likely culprit ...

Love em really! But share yours.

Year 2 here and yes to bumped heads and requests for ice packs!

My favourite quote ever was, "I can't write all that, it won't fit on the line!' Then go on to the next line...

And, 'Shall I go on to the next page?' Yes, yes you should...

But by far the most annoying is the Mum that writes in their kid's reading record everyday that their book is too easy and boring. It's not... and they picked it themselves...

Oh and the Mum that brings their child's bookbag to the door EVERYDAY and hands it to me. So I have to pass it to the child and tell them to put it away. Then on Fridays they take their child's homework out of the bookbag and give that to me instead. Yes well done, your child has done their homework, just like the other 25 children who have theirs in the bag waiting to hand it in when I ask for it.

As you walk through the main door: "What are we doing in English, Miss?"
As you walk through the corridor: "What are we doing in English, Miss?"
As you navigate the yard: "What are we doing in English, Miss?"
As you head upstairs to lesson: "What are we doing in English, Miss?"
In lesson, while facing the board, where an outline of my plan is ALWAYS written ""What are we doing today Miss?"

Or, worse:

"Is it a fun lesson, Miss?"
Well, you know, I hope it won't be boring, but I'm not here to entertain you...

Fun lessons! Fuck no, we're part of a MAT, no fun allowed through these doors.
Like I said-cover supervisor. There's me, logged on, books on desk, stood at front of room. "Miss, miss, have we got you?" Elaborate turn full circle, little jump-"Ooo my goodness, it certainly looks like it."
And today "it's snowing, it's snowing, it's snowing, can we go home?" no, don't be silly, you're the headteacher

'Fun lesson yeah?'

'Yeah, I thought we'd spend today's lesson watching Wreck-It Ralph'

'Really?!'

'No. We're doing algebra'

'Oh.'

'Can we have a fun lesson?'
'Yes! French is fun'

Kids definitely want to say 'fuck you miss'

I need this in my classroom.

Coming to the staff room at lunch
"Is Mrs X in here?"
"No, she hasn't escaped from the photocopying yet come for her lunch yet"
And they take another step in and look round, just in case you are lying or can't recognise a colleague.

Whoever said Tapping You. Yes! Ermagerd, that is so very irritating. Come round to the front of me and I will see you ffs.

The sheer palaver that can be Lining Up. "Is it Register Order, Miss?". If you say yes you have the chunnering and low level shoving from the ones who have memorised who is in front and behind them alphabetically. If you say No there is the mad rush to be stood next to your best friend so a 20 min Assembly can be made sooooo much more interesting as you compare socks or illicit novelty erasers smuggled in in your pockets.

Primary school here, P1 (Reception).

• handing me their pencil/crayon/anything when they are finished using it. Do I look like the pencil tub/crayon box? Just put it away.

• tapping me for attention. I am not a door, do not tap me.

• 'but my mummy said...' mummy and teacher have different rules, mummy says hit that kid harder than he hits you, teacher says we don't hit others.

I'm on a roll (miserable cow). PE lessons - sorting teams that aren't wildly uneven. "Get in a line" then you start counting one, two, one, two. Mad jockeying for position at the end of the line so all the sporty kids can be on the same team. Kicking dodgeballs. Dodgeball. (Stupid fucking american bollox)
French lessons. "Do we have to write the answer in French?" "No, Swahili."
Maths lessons when the use of a calculator would be useless. "Can I borrow a calculator Miss?" "No, you don't need one for this because..." Ten minutes later, why haven't you done anything?" "YOU won't lend me a calculator" glare.

YES dabbing
YES the everything flipping
YES sudden tears when they see mum, over something that happened this morning

Whining about having to sit/work/walk/be within 50 feet of someone of the opposite sex

Me: "Does anyone NOT have their PE kit?"
That One Boy (you know the one): "Miss, I have mine!"

29 children: "Miss, why is she crying/bleeding/being sent out/going home?"

Fucking homework! Year 11, all terribly upset about their mock results, first homework after they got their results. 8 of them have "lost" the booklet, 15 have just ignored the questions they don't like (directly ignoring the instructions to use the revision guides they've been given to look up methods they don't remember), leaving only 7 who have made an acceptable attempt at the homework set (and they're the ones who did quite well on the mocks -who'd have guessed?).

"Why do you always pick on me?" From the few kids who are never doing what they are supposed to be doing. I "pick on" you because it's the only way to get you to do some bloody work!

Me: Have you finished? (Usually aimed at someone wasting time/talking)
Them: Nearly.
Me: That's a no, then.

Second irritant of the day "I was only ."

This thread is really making me laugh! I'm sure at least one of you must teach DS2 as i recognise him in many of these posts! If it's any consolation, they dab/ bottle flip at home too. It is so annoying!

"Have you marked it yet?"

Wondered in here as an ex TA.
Seriously anyone who teaches secondary girls needs a bloody medal.

My girl is well behaved I am led to believe but oh my God the drama and attitude of teen girls.

DD has sen although fairly capable but she is one with a toilet pass but she never brings it
She has overlays which she forgets too.

Not to mention her total lack of ability to sort anything.

I.e dd you need to go to intervention for maths today
I can't Mum you need work to do in intervention
Well go and find the Mr x dd and say they asked you to go to intervention but you don't have work
I cant find Mr x Mum
Go to intervention and explain dd
I can't find intervention Mum
Go and ask at student desk dd and go to Mr x at break.

Home time. Did you go to Mr X dd
No Mum did I need to

Not to mention the texts I get.

Mum where's my toilet pass/homework/school pass/pencil case/money etc etc

I don't know I'm six miles away from you dd have you looked in your bag.

No not yet. bangs head on wall

Seriously much sympathy to you all

Q. What are we doing today? A. Wait until everyone's here and then I'll tell you all. Let's forget that I told the whole class what they'd be doing in the lesson at the end of the last one.

Can we have a fun lesson? A1. All my lessons are fun. A2. We don't use the "F" word in my class, thank you very much.

we don't use the f word in my class

I'm totally stealing that. I usually go for A1 but A2 is brilliant.

Me: x please read question 1
X: I can't read the board
Me: the put your glasses on our move to the empty desk at the front and read question 1
X: oh, I can see it now.

Explaining a task slowly and carefully to the whole class
Giving the whole class a sheet with those instructions on
The task is also on my very clear PP

"What am I meant to be doing miss?"

(From my year 13s....)

The yr3 lad who used to pick his nose until it bled, then wipe his finger clean across the bottom of his page.

"Are we writing today?"
"We will be writing today."
"Oh but writing is baaaaaaare long Miss..."
"Ah well my dearest, loveliest little snowflake, let's start soon and we'll finish sooner."
(I teach in a PRU)

Primary here

Smiggle pencil cases - they are too big to fit in their trays and the cloakroom isn't big enough to accommodate them in their bags. So I now have a special crate for them because they aren't allowed them on their desks. They fiddle with them and they actually don't need any of the stuff in them as the school provides stationery. Grrrrrrrrrr. I am also constantly asked, "can we use our pencil cases?" whenever there is the remotest chance of colouring in. "No, because we are using our colouring pencils in the pencil pots." Every. Single. Time.

Asking to use the toilet the second they come in from playtime. No - you have just had a 20 minute opportunity to use the toilet.

Spend 2 lessons preparing the children for a piece of writing. Watch videos, make notes, brainstorm ideas, talk about it, role play, write a plan, etc, etc. The day to do the writing arrives. I don't know what to write.

Only this week...
'Miss, the writing is too small for me to read' (a PowerPoint by the way).
Me: 'I can read it, and my eyes aren't too good'.
'I can't, I left my glasses at home.'

Arf @ smiggle. DS came home yesterday and said it was soooo funny that Josh's pencil case had a recorder in it and it went off when they were doing silent work and said 'Porsche'!!!!
Sooooo funny!
I did little 😏 and 😱 for their poor teacher.