What do your classes do that give you the rage?

[friendswithacat]

Mine are, in no particular order:

Get a tiny little knock from the kid next to them (by accident) or bump their arm on the table. Yell in "agony" wincing, clutching their arm (or whichever body part was 'injured' ) looking around accusingly. On the pain. Fuck. Off. Man up (and it is always boys!)

Ben at the back needs a pen. I go over there and give Ben a pen. I resume speaking. Ryan also at the back needs a pen. Repeat. Ellie then also needs one. Did it not occur to you to ask at the same time, feckers???

Say loudly in front of the SLT grass teacher 'Ohhhh, miss, I love your lessons cause we never get homework!'

Someone spilled tea in the staff room. My white top was covered in tea. Every. Single. Kid told me my top had 'brown stuff on it, ugh!' Giggle giggle. My smile was strained.

It's not the date, title, OR objective. It's all three. Because I said so.

You want to move seats? Okay. Back goes the chair, fall to the floor. BOOM, crash, clatter clatter scraaaaaaaape. Don't mind me, I'm only teaching.

A phone beeped. It's an iPhone, you all have one although you don't have pens stop looking around, gasping in pretend-horror accusing one another. And plus kids, it was mine! Ha. Oh and it was me who farted lesson 4. Sorry about that, Taylor from year 10, but you looked a likely culprit ...

Love em really! But share yours.

[PolarBear63]

God yes the date thing! And they do this with the title too. "What's the title Miss?" It's the thing in the centre of the board, emboldened and underlined like it is every lesson!

I also hate it when one kid asks to go to the toilet/move to sit with their friend/something else stupid and you say no. Then another kid asks straight away if they can do the exact same thing. What do you think makes you more likely to be allowed to do it than the other person I just said no to?!

And when they say they didn't understand the task and you wouldn't help them so they couldn't do the work, even though the task was explained 4 times, on the board and you went over to them 12 times to see if you could help. At no stage did they ask for help and instead decided to chat to their friend.

Pass me the wine!

[MiladyThesaurus]

I had a student recently (a final year undergraduate) who interrupted a lecture I was giving with:

'Milady, what's the difference between a lion and a tiger?'

The worst thing was she seemed to think this was completely appropriate.

In response I think I pulled the face and said 'They're entirely different species but it's hardly relevant, is it?'

[timeforheroes]

Re: the toilet requests. Someone asks for the toilet, you say no. Another child asks for the toilet, you say no. Second child then pulls out a toilet pass and smugly reminds you that you have to let them go. Why not mention the pass to start with you goady ratbag! They usually sashay out smirking at the first child that asked.

Teenage girls and drama, wanting the seating plan to rearranged because they've fallen out, then getting the hump when you remind them they don't need to socialise with one another, just do their work. I usually end up having to move them though because the HOY insists...

[MiladyThesaurus]

And when they say they didn't understand the task and you wouldn't help them so they couldn't do the work, even though the task was explained 4 times, on the board and you went over to them 12 times to see if you could help. At no stage did they ask for help and instead decided to chat to their friend.

They may still be doing exactly that in my class when they're 20. Except that then they'll be able to write it as formal feedback on my classes and I'm supposed to pretend that their claims that they got no help are true.

My favourite bit of unreasonable feedback ever was: 'If you trett us like childs then we will act like childs.' I decided to quote it verbatim in my annual module review as an example of student feedback that I think spoke for itself.

[Puffinitee]

The complete fucking inability to sit still, not flip stuff and be quiet. I teach secondary!

The questions. The bloody questions that either have been answered or to which the answer is on the fucking whiteboard...

The indignant "Whyuuuh?!" because you're being a twat and need to shut up

I'm going to step away from this thread now, it's actually winding me up

[MaureenMLove]

My favourite and source of much amusement when I try to explain it to friends.

'Why are you wearing trainers?'
'I've got a note'
'No, I asked you why you're wearing trainers, not if you've got a note!'

I find myself repeating 'where's your tie?' Or 'put your phone away' about a million times a day! Even worse, I was dropping my DH at the train station the other day to go to an important meeting. He had his suit on. He told me he was ready to go and my first response was 'where's your tie?'

[Puffinitee]

Yep. They never know what the date is, unless the date is wrong and then you have thirty children telling you it's wrong!

This with bells on!

[Puffinitee]

Maureen I've had to stop myself telling DH to tuck his shirt in... And I almost told a bunch of kids from another school on the bus to sit down and be quiet!

[chosenone]

Sometimes the sheer enthusiasm and energy of new Year 7's but alsonthe lethargy and eye rolling of year 9

[youarenotkiddingme]

These have made me laugh.

I only have 4 in my class! They are actually lovely.

But they can NEVER seem to be as distracted as they are when I'm doing something important when I do something wrong

[missmapp]

Meerkat children who look up instantly at any tiny sound ...Except your voice of course

Smuggle blinking pencil cases

School shoes always being lost but never trainers

Bottle flipping gives me the rage.

Putting 'accidentally' in front of everything. Sorry miss , I accidentally hit him/ threw it/ slapped him. I am very old and have never accidentally done any of those things ! ,

And breathe ...

[TudorHouse]

This thread has given me such a laugh, thank you!

[GlennRheeismyfavourite]

When you're looking for quick answers and some child puts up their hand and starts 'I've got three things....' and the next starts 'well, my auntie's neighbour once.....'

[Shannaratiger]

I'm a 'lunchtime supervisor' dinnerlady. Every little bump:-
"I've fallen over can I go to the office?"
Me is it bleeding? No? there's your answer.
i might be wrong but i feel the office staff have enough work without constant interuptions for falling over with no visible injury!

Playing 'pushing each other over' and then crying when someone pushes them a tiny bit harder and it actually hurts! All end up standing by the wall for 5minutes, still waiting for an expected parent complaint.

[ladygracie]

My Year 8 son has informed me that bottle flippping is over. Sadly dabbing is not.
When I first started at my school I had a class who used to ask if they could start every piece of work. It drove me mental until I found out that their previous teacher had literally made them sit & wait for her to say - you may start. They were 8.

[DandelionAndBedrock]

YES to bursting into tears just as you try to send them home.

One of my year one's put their hand up on the carpet and sat patiently until it was their turn to speak, then announced "[the boy behind] is annoying because he KEEPS BREATHING."

Not breathing on her. Not blowing bubbles or making silly noises. Just breathing. Like he had been doing all year whilst sitting behind her.

[temporarilyjerry]

When the bell rings at the end of break, the kids have to stand still, then on the second bell they line up. Every single time there will be at least one kid who is balancing precariously on one leg. And the ones who creep forward when they think you're not looking, like you're playing Grandma's Footsteps.

When you find a jumper, pair of socks, shoe etc. and ask, "Whose is this?" Someone always has to say, "Not mine." Not helpful.

When I stop teaching because someone is talking and someone tries to finish my sentence. No, you do not have to guess what I'm going to say. If you listen, I will tell you.

[letsgomaths]

I give home tuition to teenagers, so mine are slightly different:

Interruptions from the dog or cat. (I love meeting their pets, but they can be distracting!)

When they claim to have no recollection at all of what they did in their lesson on the same subject at school, the same day.

When they have to keep dashing to their bedroom to fetch stationery. I instruct them to have all this ready!

A pupil whose stomach rumbled throughout the entire after-school lesson, because she hadn't eaten since breakfast.

The doodlers; although sometimes to keep their attention I get them to illustrate maths problems that need diagrams, as my own artwork isn't great.

One (very nice, possibly with ASD) lad who was a starer. I would explain something to him, and he would always maintain unblinking eye contact throughout, while speaking very little himself. It could be quite unnerving.

One girl who'd often glide into the room on one of those wheeled platform things (and who tried to persuade me to ride one). Guess what she had for Christmas last year?

If I gave morning lessons, not so amusing was to find them one minute out of bed. I learned to anticipate this and give them strict instructions to be ready and breakfasted before I arrived.

Those who are so good at mental arithmetic (some of them better than I am ) that they try to solve complicated problems without writing anything down at all. You have to show working to get the marks!

If they're unusually attired: I've seen quite a few onesies and jammies, especially at weekends or during school holidays. I don't mind them as long as they're decent (I know some home tutors insist on pupils being properly dressed), but I did have one lad who was bare-chested. He didn't have many lessons with me. The usual dress code for home tuition seems to be still in school uniform, but barefoot or with slippers.

[Rickandmorty]

Or if I say 'put your hand up if you haven't got your homework' at least two people will call out 'I've got mine'

[timeforheroes]

Noises. A whistle or a stupid noise, that others then copy, and it's a ballache to pin point every one.

The inability to use a computer without accessing the internet, despite knowing it flags up a notification on my PC.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Ah yes Heroes, we have Impero, it is a human rights violation that needs to be flagged up to The Hague if I disable the Internet. Then they all send me a message saying "hello Miss" (or on one memorable occasion "Miss you're dawters hot" I corrected the grammar and put it on the whiteboard.)
"Can we go yet?" "No, when the bell goes" "when will that be?"

[Ditsyprint40]

Constant head injuries. Constant headaches. Constantly asking for water despite being continually reminded to bring a water bottle. Not filing water bottle at break and waiting until they're being sent up to lesson.

[therootoftheroot]

Yes to primary

Humming
Tapping me and repeatedly saying "Mrs root, Mrs root, Mrs root, Mrs root, Mrs root" regardless if what I am doing or who I am talking to.

[pieceofpurplesky]

All of these!
Year 7s who have no awareness of personal space and stand right next to me.
The obsession with brushing /combing hair. 'It's not a hairdressers'. Boys at the moment are bad at this as the perm has made a return to get that quiff big!
Oh and eating in class 'but miss I had detention at break and I am starving'

[BizzyFizzy]

I used to get very annoyed with bottle flipping (or anything flipping) until I decided to issue sanctions.