What do your classes do that give you the rage?

[friendswithacat]

Mine are, in no particular order:

Get a tiny little knock from the kid next to them (by accident) or bump their arm on the table. Yell in "agony" wincing, clutching their arm (or whichever body part was 'injured' ) looking around accusingly. On the pain. Fuck. Off. Man up (and it is always boys!)

Ben at the back needs a pen. I go over there and give Ben a pen. I resume speaking. Ryan also at the back needs a pen. Repeat. Ellie then also needs one. Did it not occur to you to ask at the same time, feckers???

Say loudly in front of the SLT grass teacher 'Ohhhh, miss, I love your lessons cause we never get homework!'

Someone spilled tea in the staff room. My white top was covered in tea. Every. Single. Kid told me my top had 'brown stuff on it, ugh!' Giggle giggle. My smile was strained.

It's not the date, title, OR objective. It's all three. Because I said so.

You want to move seats? Okay. Back goes the chair, fall to the floor. BOOM, crash, clatter clatter scraaaaaaaape. Don't mind me, I'm only teaching.

A phone beeped. It's an iPhone, you all have one although you don't have pens stop looking around, gasping in pretend-horror accusing one another. And plus kids, it was mine! Ha. Oh and it was me who farted lesson 4. Sorry about that, Taylor from year 10, but you looked a likely culprit ...

Love em really! But share yours.

I'm a PGCE student on 1st placement and this has cheered me up massively! I feel less alone and less inadequate!
Bottle flipping and dabbing gives me the rage. Yet even with consequences, they still try and sneakily do it! Why???

For the date in the PowerPoint thing, use Insert -> Date (select format you prefer) -> click update automatically.

Wonderpants, it is never, ever just you! Believe me!

I would love to see my face when I see someone dabbing. I'm sure I go puce with fury.

Fizzy drinks have been banned at our place. I have a sneaky bottle of Diet Coke in my stock cupboard. You'd think I had vodka in it, seriously.

Thought of another one actually: the boring kid.

They seek you out at the beginning or end of the lesson when you need to be settling children, giving out or packing away books, doing a zillion other things.

'Miss. My nans next door neighbour's daughter has a new puppy.'
'Oh has she Jordan ... That's nice - KATIE, I NEED YOUR BOOK!'
'... It's a staff cross and tonight I am ...'
'... oh lovely - DYLAN, CLOSE THAT WINDOW AT ONCE, IT IS JANUARY!'
'... going to walk it and my nan says ...'
'oh yes, how lovely ... DYLAN! DO AS YOU ARE TOLD! Sarah, I don't know where your coat is. Ryan, hang on. Joe, don't worry about the homework, just make sure you bring it tomorrow, okay? Ashley, do you have ...'
'... that she might get a dog and ...'
'yes Jordan ... your bag? Because I just nearly broke my neck on somebody's ... Right, chairs under ... CHAIRS UNDER, I said! Mr smith is in here next and he does NOT want our debris! It means rubbish, Daniel. I do use proper words, it is you who doesn't! Ok, off you go!'
'... and I said that ...'

FUCK OFF, JORDAN!

Have you written that down?

Are you sure?

• Look at student's book. -

Yeah, you haven't written it down, have you?

For example, I'll be asking the student to copy the date: Tuesday, 10th January, 2017,
and he'll write Tue, and nod his head to tell me he's finished. When I go to mark his work, it's just a collection of 3 letter codes.
So I stand over him throughout the lesson making sure everything is copied in full.

Except there are 11 of "him" in one class.

And 6 of them don't have a pen.

Student has iPhone, iPad, Beatz headphones, Predator football boots, a thousand rainbow coloured highlighters, a fancy calculator, countless bloody Tippex mice, stickers for marking pages, a pencil case the size of Jupiter, etc.

But no pen.

Oh I know Angels - I just wish they wouldn't corner me when I'm trying to do twenty thousand other things!

Haha! Some of these are so familiar!
My pet hate currently is that I get blamed for wet breaks/lunches. I have had to explain to my class that I DON'T control the weather or even make the decisions about whether they are allowed out. I still get sulking every time!

Oh thought of another. (Yes I'm a narky cow)
Kids have been using scissors. First lesson of day, floor pristine..
Ok pick up every bit of rubbish....Harry, that means you, all the paper on your desk (rooky mistake) Paper is brushed onto floor. Smirk.
Harry, all the paper under your desk.
It's not mine. Smirk.
It's under your desk, just pick it up.
Why should I do the cleaners job?
See my head explode.
(We have a Jordan too, but she wants to tell us all the fascinating details of her brother's success at uni...Every single essay.)

Ahhh I hate 'why should I do the cleaner's job?'
It's not the cleaner's job to pick up all your mess, you lazy so and so

All of these!
But especially They never know what the date is, unless the date is wrong and then you have thirty children telling you it's wrong!
and
..a pencil case the size of Jupiter, etc. But no pen.

Y7 space invaders. Not making the rookie mistake of being backed into a corner any more - open retreat space around me at all times. I'm sure some of them would happily sit on my knee!

Also Y7s writing on every square mm of blank paper on a page, making it impossible to read anything. Why? They didn't know whether they were allowed to start a new page.

Give me strength, 5 weeks til half term.

A previous thread similar to this made me chuck a load of cheap pens in dd's bag so she doesn't annoy her teachers by not having a pen if she loses one!

My pet hate is irrelevance. I'm teaching away, children are contributing, I'm writing on the board. Sam puts his hand up, I say "Yes, Sam?" Hoping for an insightful response to my question. Sam responds "Can I go to the toilet?" NO YOU BLOODY CAN'T grrrr

Mainly happens with Y7 -

I ask a question, several hands go up.

Me: 'Rachel'

Rachel: well, it's not about this but my neighbours dog....

Aargh - if it's not about this I don't want to know

Mock outrage when you ask a child to stop talking 'but I wasn't talking!!'.

'Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss' when I am clearly in the middle of speaking to someone else.

Children not having a pen/pencil/ruler but have every gadget/latest craze thing going!

Tale telling - 'Miss, he's got my rubber', 'Miss he's pushing the table'

Thankfully, bottle flipping seems to be dying out

High School TA here, I recognise all of the scenarios above, and I'll add another irritant - chewing gum.

It's on the tip of my tongue so often in my private life to tell adults to spit their chewing gum into a bin!

"But Miss Dot, I'm not chewing" opens mouth wide. Or, this came from the Angel in isolation " chewing helps me concentrate"
You lend them a pen, they dismantle it.
And pen clickers.

"But, but, but I spat it out - see" mouth gapes open.

"It's still there, it's in your cheek. I spent 20 years as a Psychiatric Nurse, if there's one thing I have had plenty of practice of, it's being able to spot if someone has actually swallowed their medicine or has hidden it in their mouth. Now go spit it out, properly".

And the latest, with a class of teenagers whose English teacher is very hard-of-hearing, a low-pitched rumbling noise that moves in cadence around the boys of the room. Drives me mad but the teacher won't deal with it because she can't hear it. They think it's hilarious and smile cheekily at me.

I had to google dabbing. Still no wiser. Sneezing into your elbow? Whyyyyyy?

Teachers are saints. All of you.

They don't have pens. I don't have pens either because they systematically ate, destroyed or stole all of the ones I had in September.

Mobile phones... No one looks at their crotch and smiles kids!

Coolac Brilliant retort mobile phone - no one looks into their crotch and smiles

Mine is the "BUT I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE WORK!" outrage when I tell someone to stop talking.

I don't care what you were talking about, it's no talking! 😡