What do your classes do that give you the rage?

[friendswithacat]

Mine are, in no particular order:

Get a tiny little knock from the kid next to them (by accident) or bump their arm on the table. Yell in "agony" wincing, clutching their arm (or whichever body part was 'injured' ) looking around accusingly. On the pain. Fuck. Off. Man up (and it is always boys!)

Ben at the back needs a pen. I go over there and give Ben a pen. I resume speaking. Ryan also at the back needs a pen. Repeat. Ellie then also needs one. Did it not occur to you to ask at the same time, feckers???

Say loudly in front of the SLT grass teacher 'Ohhhh, miss, I love your lessons cause we never get homework!'

Someone spilled tea in the staff room. My white top was covered in tea. Every. Single. Kid told me my top had 'brown stuff on it, ugh!' Giggle giggle. My smile was strained.

It's not the date, title, OR objective. It's all three. Because I said so.

You want to move seats? Okay. Back goes the chair, fall to the floor. BOOM, crash, clatter clatter scraaaaaaaape. Don't mind me, I'm only teaching.

A phone beeped. It's an iPhone, you all have one although you don't have pens stop looking around, gasping in pretend-horror accusing one another. And plus kids, it was mine! Ha. Oh and it was me who farted lesson 4. Sorry about that, Taylor from year 10, but you looked a likely culprit ...

Love em really! But share yours.

MaureenMLove

You can set the ppt to auto update the date.

I'm currently retraining, the school I'm at all children must have a pen, pencil and ruler - this is checked in form and if they are missing one they have to borrow from the school, not having pen, pencil and ruler in a lesson is a detention. I thought it was a bit harsh but I'm appreciating it now.

I did a few years supply and have pens with 'stolen from Ms sashh' on them.

Year 10 - you are taking GCSE Computing, and you really don't know

a) what a program is?
b) how to use a mouse?
c) how to log on?

I have a couple of stock phrases

"It's the cleaner's job to clean not pick up after dirty children"

"Miss are you calling me dirty? I'll going to get mum/dad/gran/uncle bob to call the school"

"please do, then I can tell them how you stuck chewing gum under the desk because you couldn't be bothered to walk to the bin and said it's OK someone else will clean it up"

Also holding out the bin, "Whatever you are chewing spit or swallow" - ignore giggles from year 10 - pretend I do not know the phrase is used in any other context.

Can someone please explain bottle flipping and dabbing?
And lol at teachers not controlling the weather :)

See pic for dabbing.

Bottle flipping is getting a half full bottle of water and trying to flip it so that when it lands on your desk it stays upright. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Why are you wearing trainers?' I've got a note'No, I asked you why you're wearing trainers, not if you've got a note!'

the note will tell you why ds gets asked this a thousand times a day by teachers errr read the note 1st . hes broken his foot same as yesterday

So is he sneezing? Or waving his arms about?

Sashh, we had a teacher who had a smarties tube with him for each class. Caught chewing? 20p in the tube, name written down. When the tube was full he used the coins to buy sweets for anyone who hadn't been chewing .

Reeeesult! Year 11 dabbing. I looked a bit and said isn't that a bit over? "Yeah, Mr X was doing it..." "Over then?" "Yeah, over"
I remember something that the boys in my school used to do that drove teachers bats. Head down and they used to used to shake it from side to side fast. This being the 60s I remember teachers grabbing their heads still and shiuting "for gods sake, stop it!"

School admin here. We have the head's room next to our office. Pupils are sent to see her for both good things and bad. If she's in a meeting, we have to check why they are there. Good things are written down, and we pass it on and the head goes to see them in class. Bad things and they have to wait for the head to be free.

"Why are you here?"
"Teacher sent me"
"Yes, but why?????!!!!"

Mine is being told 'wait wait waaaiiitttt' when they have spent 5 mins talking and have missed part of the lesson, so want us all to wait before I change the slide... Nope.

I also hate being penned in by Year 7s, kids having no pen, Jordan and his crazy long, badly timed story, left behind coats, dropping my equipment on the floor.

The worst.... Banging on my windows. Noooooo dirty fingerprints!

My drama llama kid yelled in "agony" today because "ah ... AHHH ... She knocked my leg ... ooh ..." Holding leg with agonised expression.

I am writing reports.

"Connor has a very theatrical side to his character and likes to draw attention to his acting skills on a regular basis, particularly in regard to minor injuries and ailments. However, Connor does need to be frequently reminded that small knocks and bumps do not elicit sympathy from the class at large by loud and over zealous yelping: in fact, this is both an irritant and a distraction. Connor would do well to remember next year to react to knocking his arm with some sense of decorum and appropriateness."

Man the fuck up, Connor.

Jordan is a friendly and sociable young man, but does need to be reminded to stay on task or indeed to leave the lesson along with his peers.

STFU Jordan.

(Above tongue in cheek. I have a soft spot for "Jordan" although I could cheerfully chuck Connor in the school fish pond.)

friendswithacat
fab writing style - are you an English teacher?

I sometimes try to teach English in between bottle flipping, dabbing, yelling "injured" kids, long monologues about nothing in particular (I swear a nuclear bomb could go off and some kids would stand there droning on about their dads mates Steve's new bike) lost pens, lost homework, books in the wrong place (which I overreact to to the point of comedy HOW COULD YOU!) and 'but she looked at meeeee!'

Why do we do it!?

Secondary English teacher here - this is my bugbear:

I thought of you lot today, as I wandered round the classroom, to check everyone was on task.

35mins in to the lesson and after I had explained 15 times what they had to do, one girl who had done nothing said, 'we are we supposed to be doing Miss?'

Followed later, when I happened to be in student reception and a kid said to me, 'my mum bought some stuff in'. I said, 'ah, that's nice, now do you want to form a sentence there, that I might understand and help you with whatever your mum as brought in for you?'

I utterly despair of the yoof of today sometimes!

Today's charming treat was having a sixteen year old groan, 'Oh for fuck's sake.' in my face because I'd had the audacity to tell him to go back to his seat, which he'd left to go and loll on an adjacent desk to talk to someone else.

He was gone in thirty seconds. He disappeared in a poof of righteous indignation after that particularly charming straw broke this camel's back.

Having a go at them for chatting loudly.

"But we woz working/ I'm doing the work"

Yes, but it would be of a much higher standard and would be completed much faster if you weren't yakking about Hollyoaks or whatever.

TheOnly to my shame I am often secretly delighted when my more disruptive ones aren't in.

Respite

Dabbing

Trying to be down wit the kids innit, I asked my y7's to dab if they understood rather than doing thumbs up.

20 minutes later we still hadn't started the lesson. I will not be repeating this process.

School rules: no coats to be worn in class. Do as you are asked the first time.

Every sodding lesson l have to repeat like a mantra to the same kids "coats offcoatsoffcoatsoff" why?

My favourite sarky teacher on seeing a dabber in her class gave that look and said "are you checking to see if you put on deodorant?"
How to deter bottle flipping-maths class, probability, painstakingly recorded in a chart. After an hour they were shit bored.

Friends my heart does a little dance when that happens.

Take your coat off
It's cold
I didn't ask for a fucking weather report, just take it off

Do we write in pen?
No, in fucking blood

Whhhhyyyy? Oh my GOD! This is pure shit.

Yes, well - it's school. Get over it.

I have anger problems
So do I whenever I have this fucking class

This thread has given a new life to my teaching. I thoroughly revel in my personal retort prior to declaring the professional. 'Fucking' occurs frequently and thoroughly and privately savoured.

Yourall Wish I worked with you!

Could you just pick that pencil up that's near your chair?
'I didn't drop it.'
I never said you fucking did!

Put your hand up if you haven’t finished and you think you need a bit more time?
I have I have I have I have I have
I didn't ask that!

Shall we write the date? Shall we write the title? Shall we write the objective?
Yes for the love of God, like you do 5 times a day, every fucking day!

My biggest bugbear though: 'I was just'
I was just asking him a question about the work...
I was just checking it was switched off...
I was just getting my pen...
I was just looking for some paper...
I was just seeing what we had next...
Arrrghhhhh!
Love 'em really