What do your classes do that give you the rage?

[friendswithacat]

Mine are, in no particular order:

Get a tiny little knock from the kid next to them (by accident) or bump their arm on the table. Yell in "agony" wincing, clutching their arm (or whichever body part was 'injured' ) looking around accusingly. On the pain. Fuck. Off. Man up (and it is always boys!)

Ben at the back needs a pen. I go over there and give Ben a pen. I resume speaking. Ryan also at the back needs a pen. Repeat. Ellie then also needs one. Did it not occur to you to ask at the same time, feckers???

Say loudly in front of the SLT grass teacher 'Ohhhh, miss, I love your lessons cause we never get homework!'

Someone spilled tea in the staff room. My white top was covered in tea. Every. Single. Kid told me my top had 'brown stuff on it, ugh!' Giggle giggle. My smile was strained.

It's not the date, title, OR objective. It's all three. Because I said so.

You want to move seats? Okay. Back goes the chair, fall to the floor. BOOM, crash, clatter clatter scraaaaaaaape. Don't mind me, I'm only teaching.

A phone beeped. It's an iPhone, you all have one although you don't have pens stop looking around, gasping in pretend-horror accusing one another. And plus kids, it was mine! Ha. Oh and it was me who farted lesson 4. Sorry about that, Taylor from year 10, but you looked a likely culprit ...

Love em really! But share yours.

[holidaysaregreat]

• Sit chatting while everyone else is writing title/date/obj & then get stressy when we move on too quickly for their liking.
  
• Losing book and accusing me & then 'finding' it a couple of weeks later.
  
• Asked to mark partners work & then noticing they are marking their own.
  
• Asked to do feedforward or feedback or whatever and then 10 minutes later haven't written a thing & then seems surprised when asked what they have been doing.
  
• Wanting to sit over the radiator with no windows opening when the room stinks of BO
  
• Taking blu tack off the corners of my posters so they flap about and tear

[OneOfTheGrundys]

Oh and the farting...

[ladygracie]

ph0ebe - could he not say that he's broken his foot but has a note? That would be simpler. Unless I've misunderstood your post.
It's the tapping or pulling clothes for me. Drives me mad.

[OnTheUp13]

I've just left teaching but I taught in a PRU for 8 years- one of my most remembered students
EVERY SINGLE MORNING used to ask me what was for lunch. He had several lunch plans at home, one in his communications book (WHICH HE WOULD BE HOLDING!!!) and one stuck right by his desk. But he would still bloody ask!

And another much younger chap would greet me in such a cheery way and then cry when he had to go past me as he didn't want to leave me. Even though he would be in my class for at least 3 lessons of the day. And in those 3 lessons he would literally follow me round. Now as horrid as I sound when I had morning sickness I nearly puked on him several times.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Ah, I know what Phoebe is on about, but from the other end, so don't take it the wrong way(and I'm sure it's not your dc). Me "X, where is your blazer/school shoes/tie?" X, instead of saying "I've seen Mr Y and I have a note Miss" doesn't think that in a school of 700 messages about uniform might not be the priority, yells "IVE GOT A NOTE" or "IVE SAID IVE LOST IT"
And continuing the uniform theme. "Why don't teachers have to wear a uniform? That's soooo unfair/an infringement of my human rights." I've taken to smiling widely and agreeing, "yes I'd love not to have to think about what to wear everyday, so liberating" argument over.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

Oh god yes.

"But you don't wear a uniform"
"But teachers are allowed nail varnish"
"Well why do you have a scarf on?"

Because I am a teacher. You, my special snowflake, will gain those rights if you choose to teach.

[leccybill]

"But teachers are allowed their phones"
"But teachers can have Lucozade"
"But teachers can wear scarves"

Yes, because we are grown-ups.

Also - "OK, let's mark the answers. Use a different coloured pen IF YOU HAVE ONE, if not the one you're holding is fine"
Cue 25 voices - "Miss, can I borrow a green pen?", several rummaging in bags, some out of seats forraging from others, one chucking pens across the room at others...
Arrrghhhhh!!

[Limitededition7inch]

Pen tapping.
Talking when others are talking.
Asking questions like 'should we write on the other side of the paper?'

And my mosted hated new one: asking me a question and then turning to talk to a friend about five seconds in to my explanation. Had three pupils do it this school year. It's fucking rude.

[Limitededition7inch]

Most, not mosted!

[temporarilyjerry]

I don't and have never needed/wanted a broken paperclip, one staple or a minute scrap of card so if you find one, please put it in the bin. Don't try to give it to me.

[Feebeela]

Using tiny pencil stubs or forever sharpening bloody pencils.
Not having the LO (we print them out and the chn stick them in their books) and sitting there for 20 mins doing nothing. Argh!

[70ontheinside]

I feel more and more like a Victorian teacher every day. My Y7s are so bloody fidgety that I now insist on hands on the table, nothing in your hand, eyes on me.
A maths colleague has a desk "map" with designated places for everything. I am tempted.

Also: learning how to tell the time in Spanish class: Oh, you want me to say the time in Spanish, Miss???

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

yy re pencil sharpening - why can't they get some plastic bic pencils like the ones I use...
Also yes re fiddling with pens - I insist on pens down when they are listening, so they pick up a ruler instead.
Also I hate the big furry keyrings that the girls all seem to have and play with endlessly

[greathat]

Ask the class for quiet. Ask again. All quiet except for the last 2. Ask them by name to stop talking. Immediately get "WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME. EVERYONE ELSE IS TALKING?!"

No, they are not. All you need to do it shut the fuck up so the lesson can carry on. But now we will waste even more time while you rant about your "rights"

GRRRRRRRRRRR

[greathat]

Yeah and the ones that sit and do nothing instead of working and then complain when you want to move on. These may be the same children... in year 10.... They know who they are :D

[MsHoneyBee]

I love these. Yy to the marking/green pen thing.
'get your green pens out'
'MIIIIIISSSS X 15'
'just use a pencil'
'i don't have a pencil'
'... How did you do the test?'
'I did I just lost my pencil'
' JUST CUT YOUR FINGER AND DO IT IN BLOOD I DON'T CARE, JUST FUCKING DO IT Ok get a pencil from the tray'

[ginpuss]

As another poster said, I don't feel on my own now.

[Coughandsplutter]

This has made me laugh loads! I'm secondary and all of these have happened I think. I've not read though all posts but here are my pet hates:

• Miss, can I go to the toilet? You've just had break/lunch. Didn't need to go then.
  
• Miss, I don't have a pen. Ok, but I bet you have your iPhone. What?!
  
• Miss, do we need to copy the date, title and objective? Yep, like I've asked you to do ten times already and like I ask you every single lesson.
  
• Miss, can I sit next to so and so today? No, nobody is moving. Next student walks in the room and asks same question, having heard my response already.
  
• Miss, can I fill my water bottle up? Nope. Why not? Because you will not die of dehydration in the remaining 40 minutes of the lesson. But you have water Miss! Yes, that's because I filled mine up at break and/or brought multiple bottles to school.
  
• When you finish the test, please don't keep informing me, just move onto the worksheet and put your test to one side. People start finishing the test, hands go up. Miss, I've finished.......x30. Just do the fucking worksheet!
  
• Preparing for speaking /writing / vocab test. Miss, do we have to say/write it all in French/Spanish? No, Japanese please.
  
• Flipping bottles, glue sticks. Harry glue sticks.
  
• Exploding bastard pens. Never, ever happened to me.
  
• Please empty your mouth Tommy. I'm not chewing Miss. I've been watching you for a few minutes and you are. Bin now. But I'm not chewing. You are, get it in the bin. Student opens mouth, chewing gum balancing precariously on tongue.
  
• Miss, s/he keeps flicking me / calling me / looking at me....FFS.
  
• What's the homework? It's on the board. When's it due? That's on the board too, in red.......... Do we need to take our books home? Yes, you have homework to do. What's the homework? Give.Me.Strength.
  
• Miss, can I go early to lunch/break as I have a detention? Say what??!!! Err no, when the bell rungs, providing you are quiet, you can go. But I'll be late. You have a detention so why are you clearly so bothered about school rules all of a sudden?
  
• Miss, it's snowing / there's a wasp / bee / big spider........there's 10 minutes gone.
  
• Getting 10-15 minutes into the lesson and not doing anything. Why? No pen, don't understand.
  
• students writing little notes on tests: you've never taught us this...../ this was not on the revision notes. YES IT BLOODY WELL WAS KNOW-IT-ALL!
  

I'm sure there's more but breakfast is calling....

[MrsGuyOfGisbo]

But I'll be late. You have a detention so why are you clearly so bothered about school rules all of a sudden?
Oh yes.
This week was exams. Kids all told multiple times before use black pen. Revisions sheets reiterate - black pen. Three days into the exams, I invigilate, and read aloud the rules as per every exam. You must write in black pen. Any questions? Several hands go up - 'Miss I've only got blue'.
Kids know the seating plan is immutable - no point asking. But every lesson, they will ask as they come into the room. No. When I have explained the task - any questions? Hands go up. No questions about the task - that is the least important thing on their minds, even though they won't have listened and don't have a clue what to do.. 'Miss, can I sit with X?'

[mumsneedwine]

Gum chewing. Stare at suspected kid and watch them not chew. Shortly they will start to dribble. A lot. Keeps me amused.
And phones on lap. For my older students only I say 'whatever you are doing under the table is against school rules so put it away'. Usually gets a giggle.
'Sarah put the phone away'.
'Don't have my phone out Miss'
'Then why has your face a green glow while we are watching this video. Maybe you should see a Dr'.

[phlebasconsidered]

Comedy 'Allo 'Allo Frenchman shrugs and shoulder raising when caught red handed doing something along with high pitched "What? What? I haven't done anything!" ( even though you clearly do have Whatsits pen / rubber, have not started work, clearly were flicking stuff. )

Rubber operations. Why do all of my rubbers have pencil holes in them? Why do you persist in excavating these holes with your pencil until the rubber breaks into useless tiny bits, at which point you will wander around looking for a rubber?

Why do you not know what day you are doing which guided reading task? It's on the wall, it's on the window, it's on the table and it's been the same since September. All the same, please do wait until it's settled and quiet and I'm reading with my group to meander up and ask me what you are meant to be doing.

You know what, child with amazing rolodex memory for every type of Pokemon ever, if you tried you could probably remember whether you are packed lunch or hot dinner.

Why do you all turn into that Fast Show character as soon as you get a mini whiteboard and start colouring it entirely black?

Please don't come up to me with a dangling snot candle and ask if you can get a tissue. Just get one.

Yeah, Year six are so grown up. So why are you relaying to me in great detail some apparent trauma you have suffered as a result of someone using the pen that you were using and this one has a different top it does because you'rs had a chewed bit on the end and a scratch and yes you did take the name sticker off but anyway he has it and now you've got this pen and it's had his chewed bit but not yours so you need a new one because it's had his mouth on. No. Here is a pencil.

[derxa]

Yes phleb so well described. I remember it well. I don't know if I miss it all or not.

[echt]

Serial extremely late submitters of homework who invariably ask you at the next lesson: "Have you marked my work, Miss?"

This is in spite of my saying that late work goes to the bottom of my pile of marking.

[Starlight2345]

I am not a teacher but want to add my DS came home from school the other day to tell me one of his teachers had done a dab and it was the best day at school ever ( year 5)

[MaisyPops]

Can I add (10 mins into the lesson when 99% of the class have done thr date, title and starter and you move into the main teaching input)
Student: "What's thr title?"
Me: you copied it when you did thr date, title and starter
Student: what?! It wasnt there? And were we meant to be writing ALL that?!
Me: Same place it has been for thr last year and you're about to sit a 2 hour exam full of essays.
Rest of the class - sighs at the idiot.