Cat likes to sleep in my bed, dp doesn't want him there

[Userwithoutaname]

Just wanted some opinions really ... my Siamese likes to sleep in my bed. He hates being shut downstairs but scratches the carpet if I shut the bedroom door. My bf stays over most nights (nearly always) and doesn't want the cat in bed with us.

It seems out of proportion to put the cat before my bf, I'm sure he thinks so anyway. But I feel sorry for my cat. He likes to always be with me. I have two other cats and he will curl up with them but they like to be out at night and tbh he'd prefer to be with me.

Wwyd?

Tell him you and the cat come as a package 😬

I've tried that. He knows... just doesn't think cats should sleep in the bed.

The only answer is rehoming.........of the boyfriend

He's a Siamese, the rules are a bit different with them. They mostly bond, preferably for life, with one person and are 100% emotionally dependent on them. Shutting them out or not letting them on the bed is a form of punishment to a Siamese.

From a personal (non-Siamese) cat slave point of view the cat came first, is never going to leave you, and I'm jealous as mine don't even sleep in the same room as me.

I'd let the cat stay on the bed and question why my bf thought he could boss me about like that.

I can see both sides really. I'd hate to sleep in a bed with a cat, I don't like them. However the cat was there first and I can understand the bond between you and the cat and that it would distress the cat the cat to be kicked out.

Is there any sort of compromise like having the cat in a sort of sidecar cot like a baby? Or does he want the cat out of the bed and the room?

Harry doesn't tend to sleep on our bed when we're in it (during the day it's all his!) but if he wants to he can. If DH had a problem with that I'd tell him to sleep on the sofa!

I can see both sides too, I'd hate it if our cats decided they wanted to sleep on our bed, however if they are used to doing so it would seem cruel to stop them. I think your dp is just going to have to get used to it.

Do you mean IN the bed or ON the bed? I have cats that sleep on the bed but I wouldn't want them to sleep actually in my bed under the covers.

Actually in the bed, between my feet. He wouldn't sleep in a "sidecar", if allowed in the room he'd be on or in the bed.

I agree, that's my problem, I feel like I'm making him distressed. There is no compromise it seems, it's dp or cat

A bf that wouldn't accept my cat on the bed wouldn't be a bf long, I'm afraid.

Shut your dp downstairs and sleep with the cat

He's never had a cat, only a dog once as a child, that wasn't allowed upstairs.

Buy a trundle bed for DP. Cat comes first.

Maybe offer to get the cat a blindfold??

Lock dp downstairs and go to bed with the cat.
More room for you and the cat then

Love me love my cats.

Cat comes first.

So you're all suggesting he has to put up with it?

How much rent/mortgage does the cat pay vs your bf? Depending on that I'd decide whether or not your bf gets to share the bed.

Yes.

Neither pay rent.

I have two Bengal cats and had them for several years before I got together with DH. They were my family (sounds ridiculous I know but I'm NC with my actual family so I'll take what I can get!) and still are a huge part of it even though I now have a husband and children.

That said, DH was not a 'cat person'. He has allergies and had never had a pet. I love him and so we agreed a compromise - the cats were not allowed in the bedroom any more. They affected his allergies and he just didn't like sharing a bed with an animal. I think that's fair enough to be honest and the cats had the run of the rest of the place. Over the years he has grown to love them and spent considerable time and money building them a huge outdoor run (they are indoor cats for medical reasons) to make up for them losing the bedroom. They are happy and so is he but they don't come in our room at all.

In my opinion, you have to compromise! Yes the cat was there first but really, I would hope that you love your partner enough to consider what they want or need in their home. It's not 'my way or the highway' in most relationships and in my experience you can easily suit everyone. For me, I love my cats so much and they were here first, but my DH is the father of my children and deserves as much consideration.

I would not sleep with a cat on the bed, never mind IN it.

I would definitely not spend the night with a partner who wanted a cat in the bed.

So, you have a difficult choice on your hands.

Cat comes first! Bf will have to get used to it - it's not like it impacts on his sleep if cat is cuddled up with you.