Cat likes to sleep in my bed, dp doesn't want him there

[Userwithoutaname]

Just wanted some opinions really ... my Siamese likes to sleep in my bed. He hates being shut downstairs but scratches the carpet if I shut the bedroom door. My bf stays over most nights (nearly always) and doesn't want the cat in bed with us.

It seems out of proportion to put the cat before my bf, I'm sure he thinks so anyway. But I feel sorry for my cat. He likes to always be with me. I have two other cats and he will curl up with them but they like to be out at night and tbh he'd prefer to be with me.

Wwyd?

I too would no way have a partner who wanted their cat to sleep in their bed. I suspect you might get dumped anyway over this, so problem solved!

Cat comes first. You can get another boyfriend but have made a lifelong commitment to that cat.

I've always said I wouldn't have gone out with DH in the first place, let alone married him, if he didn't like cats! Luckily he's as soft as me!

Is there a spare room for the boyfriend to sleep in?

No way would I kick my cat off my bed for anyone. We have three cats - normally one or two will sleep on the bed at any one time. There will also, invariably, be a cat balanced on the window (it's slightly open at night and the cat likes to look at and see what's going on in the neighbourhood).

DP has only ever had dogs - he's never said a word about the cats. He's happy to sleep with them on the bed, he knows how much I love them and he's happy for them to be around.

I'd have to re-consider the relationship if I were you.

My cat sleeps in our bed with us, DP's cat cries at 5am so she sleeps downstairs!
I felt the need to draw a diagram for this, I'm pink, he's blue, and cat is green. She has a little folded up blanket she sleeps on. I may have underplayed how far onto DP's side I encroach though...

Did you also underplay how much room the cat takes up? :)

Exactly the same for us too IHeart, except I am over a foot shorter than DH so the cat sleeps in the space below my feet. DH is jealous that I get her all night.

Ah, I misread, thought you meant on the bed. I think your DP has a point if the cat is actually under the duvet, I'd never be able to sleep with a cat actually under the duvet with me and DH. If your DP really can't sleep with the cat I think they might have to reconsider whether they want to keep staying overnight at yours.

LTB

The Siamese is bonded to you, you can't make the cat sleep downstairs.

I think you need to find a bed-cat tolerant DP.

The cat is part and parcel of who you are, you care for it and its welfare, this caring 'quirk' is part of your personality - its a good characteristic imo. If he doesn't get that, then perhaps he's not the right person for you, find someone with similar attitudes to animals as yourself.

I guess you could compromise a little and put the cat outside for some parts of your relationship, or buy it a blindfold as someone else has already suggested but it's your home and your bed, if he doesn't like it then he needs to go. Thin end of the wedge imo.

This sums it up!

Cat was there first, you and kitty come as a package so your boyfriend should accept that if he wants to stay over!

(And yes, based on my user name I am biased towards cats )

Xx

How serious is the relationship and how old is the cat?

YetAnotherSpartacus Possibly... this is pretty much why we have a king-size bed, but she still sometimes ends up in the middle. Poor DP then only gets a tiny sliver on the edge!

Real cats sleep in the middle diagonally :)

Cat every time. Your house your rules (and obviously the cat) tell dp to like it or sleep elsewhere

Haha yes! Even if they're tiny (mine is just under 3kg) they should be able to occupy at least a square metre.

DCat1 sleeps in the middle, just below pillow level, curled up in a neat circle that touches both of us and makes us roasting hot, the great hairy monster. DCat2 sleeps exactly where I'd most like to put my feet, no matter what position I'm lying in.

The bed belongs to the cat. You're lucky it allows either of you to share it.

I love my 2 cats but one room they are banned from is my bedroom! They are so hairy I'd find it gross and rightly so!
If he knew this was what you did before you met though it's for you to decide

Of course she made a lifelong commitment to her cat but... it's a cat. And I say that as a lifelong cat lover and owner.

And yes, she can 'get another boyfriend' but what if he is the person she wants to spend the rest of her own life with? Are people really suggesting she sacrifice that by dumping him that so that a cat can sleep in her bed?

I love cats, I love MY cats more than I can say, but humans are more important.

As I say,

Sorry, as I say the key here is compromise.

I could only compromise so far and being with someone who didn't feel the same way about animals would be a step too far.

I never wanted or cat on our bed but dh was having none of it and the cat sleeps on his side, wrapped up together like that pic up thread. They're completely besotted!