Masterchef. It's back. Go on, you know you want to. Thread the 1st

[Halsall]

New series, starts Monday the 13th (unlucky for some?) on BBC1 at 9pm. Starting on a low gas now so the Greggggg 'observations' can build up gradually to a nice rolling boil.

THANK YOU ❤️ to @MrsTommyBanks for spotting the date and sending out the Mastercheffians bat-signal

@SchadenfreudePersonified
@ellenanora5
@RomaineCalm
@GrouchyKiwi
@Wolfcub
@Taffeta
@fourquenelles
@whatashower
@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow
@PencilMuseum
@jay55
@ilovesooty
@iklboo
@shirleyphallus

Apologies to anyone I've missed and I trust you'll see the thread. We need the equivalent of an email group!

56 new contestants to find nicknames for

Ellen - I say that all the time. But I know I will end up shouting for him to go away and never darken our TV screens again. I know myself too well. I shall think of you whilst wishing him away to the far side of away

She looks like such a Good Girl in that photo, but she can be very cheeky. She's calming down a lot now, thankfully, so we're mostly getting on well.

Basilisk Shouting at Gregg is about 25% of the enjoyment of the show.

I'm here Basilisk! I didn't get a personal message but tracked you down - you can run, my dears, but you cannot hide!

So glad I found you, my little nest of culinary vipers!

Am very excited to see my name at the top of the "get-yer-arse-over-here" list.

Am even more excited to see how big and stunningly beautiful Grouchypuppy is now - what a gorgeous girl!

56 new contestants to find nicknames for

This will be a labour of vindictive, spiteful love!

Get ready for the tsunami of relatives posting saying "How dare you call X "Jug-Lugs" - don't you know how hurtful that is for his aged mother who is reading these posts from the confines of an ironing?" etc etc etc

Friends and relatives of the abused - I will say it now, and I will say it once - if you don't want to be upset, don't read the thread. Comparing contestants to boiled prawns etc is the other 75% of the joy of masterchef.

I have got wine and crisps at the ready, and a box of Christmas Malteasers i found in the back of the cupboard. I was going to keep if for Brexit, but - buggerit! I'm having them next week or even sooner.

Schadenfreudepersonified - I can now breathe safely - you are back in the game.

What a very very lovely looking dog Grouchy just lovely.

So - seriously why do the BBC keep Gregg on board - do they think we enjoy saying he is rubbish ( patronising much? )

Or are the likes of Monica etc just too busy & good to take the job.

I'd take 1. James Acaster ( bonkers choice I know but any time with JA on TV is not wasted in my book ) , 2, anyone with a pulse , or perhaps if the BBC could e actually bothered -3. perhaps someone on radio from e.g. the food programme. 4. Anyone , anyone other than Gregg Wallace. ( a neighbour of mine has a well behaved Jack Russell. Jack Russell's are not my favourite breed but this one ( Sailor) is a little cute one - quite old and well behaved. I vote for Sailor rather than Gregg. He may scoff less.

I'm joining the campaign for Sailor.
We need a photo of the cheeky chap

Hello All
Missed the first two, settling down for tonight.

I vote for Sailor rather than Gregg. He may scoff less

I'll bet he has better table manners, too!

Grinchly - you are fine. It's next Monday (11th) it starts.

Oh wow!
Great news!
Another vote for little Sailor. What a great name.

If Sailor is too busy to do the show, perhaps we could have a cardboard cut-out of a rock or something - you know, something with personality and a bit of charm.

It is a great name, isn't it?

I don't know a "Sailor", but I know a flat-coated retriever called Bo'sun. I must admit, I wouldn't say know if somebody offered me a flattie . . .

(. . . or anything except a chihuahua or an akita - no offence, just not for me)

I already have dibs on Grouchypuppy if she chews up too much furniture for even Grouchy to forgive.

I vote for Sailor too!

Hope you're watching this thread, @BBC.

I know mah sous vides from mah milles feuilles.
Nothin' gets past moi.

Apparently Gregg was a baker, that's a new one on me

Matelot, matelot , where you go my heart will follow
So looking forward to next week.

@Grinchly Your first photograph is pretty much what sailor looks like - fantastic !

Whoop whoop. Thanks for the heads-up Halsall

I reckon sailor with a stop watch round his neck would pretty much cover what Gregg does. Also could put the dishes on the floor and see which one he goes for first. ( Although perhaps they could do that with gregg

"If Sailor is too busy to do the show, perhaps we could have a cardboard cut-out of a rock or something - you know, something with personality and a bit of charm."

I'll speak to Sailor. But if he is busy snoozing yes - I'll vote for cut out of a rock, or a bean sprout , or - what if Chester Zoo would lend a meerkat ? If the BBC wants a cheeky chappie - meerkats can do little smiley chirpiness.

I luffs Ms Monica.
As any fule know
I bited and bited that fat grocer fellow. O deer.
He seyd bad things.

( new to Nigel m)

Hi all. Checking in

Wahay! Really looking forward to this one, 'proper' MC is by far my favourite.

Thank you @Halsall

@GrouchyKiwi Grouchypup is very gorgeous! 💕

put the dishes on the floor and see which one he goes for first. ( Although perhaps they could do that with gregg

Apparently Gregg was a baker, that's a new one on me

Eeew!

I wouldn't want his ham-scented hands anywhere near MY baps, thank you very much!