Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Shit shit shit… what do I do?

210 replies

lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 20:54

DD recently turned 15.
Her boyfriend is over to watch TV. Had dinner with us all.
After dinner I went upstairs to put younger one to bed and left them watching tv. With the door open.
I come back down and find her straddling him rocking up and down 🤯. With their clothes on. But still I was 😳
What do I say to her?! How is she not embarrassed?!
Do I need to get her on the pill? Or will that just encourage her? She’s so young 😞

OP posts:
heartbroken22 · 12/07/2024 20:56

9 o'clock and I'd say right time for you to go home 🤣

I'd call her down and have a word with her. What if one of the younger kids came down?

Original poster
lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 21:04

Will definitely be having a serious word with her

was going to wait for them to finish the programme and him to go. I’m frightened if I’m too tough they’ll just go somewhere else and do worse? But maybe I’m being a pushover?

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 12/07/2024 21:06

Honestly if they want to have sex they will, whatever you do. Try and keep an open dialogue, make sure she knows she can talk to you, yes talk about contraception. No point being draconian about it.

BuffaloCauliflower · 12/07/2024 21:07

Clicked post too soon. But yes absolutely right to tell her you saw, and that it’s not appropriate where someone will walk in on them. Thats just a courtesy to others.

ObliviousCoalmine · 12/07/2024 21:11

If they want to, they will. Make sure she has the knowledge and access to birth control to make her as safe as possible.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 21:12

Thanks both.
I’m nostalgic for the days when a difficult conversation was why can’t we eat chocolate buttons for lunch

OP posts:
Username1010 · 12/07/2024 21:18

Personally I would chat to her and tell her that she is too young to have sex. She's just a kid and should be focusing on studying and sports etc. Having fun with her boyfriend does not have to involve sex at all.

I would be disappointed if my DD had sex at the age of fifteen for it would mean the loss of her childhood. Perhaps point out young mothers to her to try to put her off? Talk about her health, her future, her uni and travel plans and all the time she has in front of her to pursue serious relationships.

I know from a previous thread on MN about people having sex from the age of ten and eleven upwards and I found it such a sad and depressing thread.

Cas112 · 12/07/2024 21:19

You wouldn't accept any children of any age straddling there partner in the living room

Julyshouldbesunny · 12/07/2024 21:19

Can you be sure clothes were actually fastened??

TiredCatLady · 12/07/2024 21:22

Probably not what you want to hear but are you sure they’re not already having sex?

NotkeepingupwiththeJones · 12/07/2024 21:23

lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 21:04

Will definitely be having a serious word with her

was going to wait for them to finish the programme and him to go. I’m frightened if I’m too tough they’ll just go somewhere else and do worse? But maybe I’m being a pushover?

You are not a push over, you are a concerned mum.. sex is not embarrasing, it is a part of life. Talk to her.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 21:24

I’m sure their clothes were on, she’s wearing joggers so would have been clear if they were off

Im not sure they’re not having sex. I don’t think they’ve had opportunities; there are always adults in the house we don’t leave them on their own. But if they’re not at all embarrassed maybe outdoors? Argh

OP posts:
isthesolution · 12/07/2024 21:25

You tell her that's not appropriate behaviour in your living room and you thought she'd know better. She wouldn't want you behaving like that in a family area where others could walk in.

Personally I do not understand the issue with teens having sex - if they understand what they are doing and it is consensual and safe. I do know I'm in the minority with that view though.

If she's going to have sex she will and my priority at this point would be making sure that sex is safe sex. And I'd also be telling her what is and is not acceptable in your house - set clear boundaries.

Inamechangedjustforthis · 12/07/2024 21:26

*She's just a kid and should be focusing on studying and sports etc. Having fun with her boyfriend does not have to involve sex at all.

I would be disappointed if my DD had sex at the age of fifteen for it would mean the loss of her childhood*

Plenty of people start getting the raging horn around 15 TBF, I did!

cloudy477654 · 12/07/2024 21:26

I don't think she's done anything wrong really, sex is normal. I would rather my DD wait until she's older than 15 or even 16 but also I would rather have had a good first time experience with a boyfriend at 15 than a bad experience at 17/18 like way too many of my friends did!
Just talk to her, make sure she knows about contraception, consent and all that.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 21:27

isthesolution · 12/07/2024 21:25

You tell her that's not appropriate behaviour in your living room and you thought she'd know better. She wouldn't want you behaving like that in a family area where others could walk in.

Personally I do not understand the issue with teens having sex - if they understand what they are doing and it is consensual and safe. I do know I'm in the minority with that view though.

If she's going to have sex she will and my priority at this point would be making sure that sex is safe sex. And I'd also be telling her what is and is not acceptable in your house - set clear boundaries.

We’ve spoken about safe sex. But the attitude where she’s doing that with the door wide open makes me worry how sensible she’s being or how much self control she has

OP posts:
Whippetlovely · 12/07/2024 21:29

Have a conversation with her as a pp said you won’t be able to stop her but at least if she’s sensible about it use protection ect. It’s sad it seems so young but it’s very common, I was at the swimming pool the other week and heard two girls must have been 14/15 talking about anal sex!! I thought Jesus Christ but I think kids now are more sexualised. Although I remember some kids were having sex in years 10/11 at my school 20 odd years ago. I think we forget what it was like at that age. You want your child at least to be safe and careful. My child is too young yet for this conversations thank the lord!

Beginningless · 12/07/2024 21:29

Jeezo, I hadn’t understood til pps post that this actually happened in the living room and she hasn’t acted embarrassed. I think this is a starting point, that she’s not understanding what is appropriate in your home or in front of other people, as a starting point, let alone the other implications.

I think you need to try and have as calm a conversation as you are able, ask open questions allowing her to feel able to tell you what’s going on. You must be freaking out, no wonder, and want to tell her your mind. But I first had sex at 14 and I so wish my mum had been someone who knew what was happening and that I could speak to.

thequeenoftarts · 12/07/2024 21:30

Tell her next time you see them at it, you will join in lol then give them a score out of 10, if nothing else she will die of embarrassment, Might curb their passion in your house. All you can do after that is condoms, the pill and talk about consent and pregnancy

bfrgggdsryvfg · 12/07/2024 21:30

I think the bit that’s out of order is the fact she would have known you were coming back downstairs as it’s early evening. It’s a bit 🤮. I get that it’s their age, but it’s very disrespectful when there are other kids in the house too. I think she needs to know that she can’t do things like that when anyone could walk in, otherwise next time you might find they aren’t clothed!

Goodwitchglenda · 12/07/2024 21:31

I wouldn’t be worried about them dry humping, I’d be worried about them thinking it was ok to do it with the door open. It’s normal for teens to be sexually curious and to fool around. What’s less normal is not seeming to want privacy or not being embarrassed at the thought of getting caught. I expect what happened is they took their chances thinking you were upstairs but a conversation should be had for sure.

I’d also ask her if she wants to go to GP and get on the pill.

anon2022anon · 12/07/2024 21:34

Do I think the pill is encouraging her? No chance, I think it's a sensible precaution. If she's at the point where she's straddling him, then sex is either already happening or other stuff is and it's on the way. I would rather risk it possibly happening a month earlier that they might do ordinarily, than a surprise pregnancy at 15. Don't be surprised if she's already on the pill though.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 12/07/2024 21:36

Thanks all. I definitely need to talk about appropriate boundaries. But given that I don’t let them hang out in her room, she’ll probably come back with that one…
Will also have the condoms and consent conversations again. Hopefully not too many worries on the latter, they’re the same age and she was on top of him (Wash my brain out!)
And need to talk about contraception. Although DH will totally freak out and can’t not include him in that decision 🤯

OP posts:
PalmelaHanderson · 12/07/2024 21:36

Bucket of cold water

Busywithsomething · 12/07/2024 21:37

I think it's embarrassing for you OP but I guess when hormones are in full flow, then it's what they're going to get up to. TBh 15 isn't that young these days I expect. So yes a convo on birth control would be worth having.