Shit shit shit… what do I do?

[lucasnorth]

DD recently turned 15.
Her boyfriend is over to watch TV. Had dinner with us all.
After dinner I went upstairs to put younger one to bed and left them watching tv. With the door open.
I come back down and find her straddling him rocking up and down 🤯. With their clothes on. But still I was 😳
What do I say to her?! How is she not embarrassed?!
Do I need to get her on the pill? Or will that just encourage her? She’s so young 😞

You could try the approach ‘how would you like it if you walked in on me and your father doing that?’ . Her boldness is concerning.

Yeah, I think I’m reluctantly settling on that view, now the shock is subsiding.
I don’t think she could have kept it hidden if she was already on the pill. But then I didn’t think she’d be so blasé either…

Why does your husband need to know?! I doubt my mum told my dad when she took me to the GP to go on the pill at 15. Though I was able to ask my dad about condoms etc when I had a pregnancy scare later that year (thankfully only a scare owing to said pill!).

How old is the boyfriend?

Same school year so either 15 or 16

Sex is fun. At 15 it’s normal to want to experiment with your bf. You don’t normally do it in the lounge with the door open at your mum and dad’s when the house is full though.

Same school year so either 15 or 16

That's reassuring, but don't envy you!

I'm trying to be gentle here OP but it's quite likely they have already either had sex or experimented somewhat.

Definitely have a conversation about what's appropriate but also another sensible discussion about contraception. There are other alternatives to the pill which are more reliable as less chance of user error such as the injection.

I think you need to allow them to be in her room with the door open so they can experiment comfortably (not necessarily actual sex) and you dont need to bleach your eyes. And I'd put her on the pill or buy a bunch of condoms. It's uncomfortable, yes, but it's normal and you don't want to be a grandmother yet. It's not about you giving her permission to have sex at 15 by doing this, it's just the reality that she's going to do that of her own accord and you want her to be as safe as possible in every way.

Pretty outrageous given the door was open/boundaries etc. I'd have been grounded forever more. He wouldn’t be allowed back, he’s demonstrating a total lack of respect too.

I would think contraception would be sensible as it sounds like they could be already. I think I would be talking about privacy and appropriateness in your home. But I wouldn’t want them doing it outside either!

Understandably, you don't want to think about your little girl having sex, however, she's 15 & will have raging hormones making her want to! You need to have the conversations about safe sex, boundaries, & all that AGAIN you can never reinforce it enough!!

talk about 15 being very young (and illegal)* but help her to get contraception sorted & condoms.

Thinking they won't be having sex because there's always an adult at home is naive. It's harder these days with so much CCTV, but I had a lot of alfresco in my day and babysat a LOT.

if they want to, they will. Best do it safely.

My mum pounded into me don’t be common don’t be common don’t be common over and over and over again.
But she never explained what “common” was.
When you have your convo with your daughter, make sure she understands what’s acceptable and unacceptable - and that she comprehends everything you’re saying.
Good luck.

Yes, have the conversation so that you can also be sure she is also not being put under any pressure by her boyfriend.

She’s 15! I lost my virginity at 15 (almost 16) and I was one of the last in my peer group. It’s completely normal. Obviously dry humping in the lounge is not ideal and I would talk to her about keeping that behaviour private and not when other people can walk in. I’d also get her on the pill

I think 15 and the fact they’re in the same school year is the best case scenario here (other than waiting until she’s a bit older but it seems that she’s beyond that).

When I was younger everyone aged 14 had older boyfriends 17/18 and it was normal. People would do it at school, on the way home from school or anywhere they could.

If they want to have sex, they will.

Weird that she isn’t embarrassed though!!

I would talk to her like an adult otherwise you risk alienating her or pushing her away! Which is what my mum did with me and it was horrible. It harmed our relationship forever.

Completely agree. Recently turned 15 too. I’d be fucking furious.

But Mumsnet is so weird. In real ifs I don’t know one parent with a 15 even 16 year old that would take this lightly.

I know from a previous thread on MN about people having sex from the age of ten and eleven upwards and I found it such a sad and depressing thread okay that’s made me feel nauseous

This is so disrespectful. You should rein her in or expect to be a grandmother soon..

I don’t think thats very nice. Or true

You don't need to tell her dad, just get her told. Boundaries. No grinding on anyone in my living room and you're going on the pill if you want your boyfriend anywhere near just to be sure.

Serious talk about safe sex and what's actually appropriate behaviour.

I’d have kicked the boy out immediately and he would not be permitted in the house again. As PP said it is a total lack of disrespect knowing you were in the house!

Would they do that at his house with his parents there? Does she go over there?

I certainly was not/won’t be the kind of cool Mum who says ‘better you do it under your own roof than outside’ to my DC. I’m not facilitating a child getting pregnant in my house.

They can take the risk of doing it outside if they’re that desperate. Not as much fun then.

I’d also be insisting DD start taking contraception too.

"They can take the risk of doing it outside if they’re that desperate. Not as much fun then."

You sure about that? I remember having parents within earshot being much worse than a bush in the park.

I agree with the clamping right down on her though. Mother not best mate

Sex is a normal bodily function. Teens have raging hormones to boot!

Id have a chat with her.

If they want to have sex - yes best to wait until older but if they won't wait - make sure theyre in a safe place and taking precautions.

It's one of the first things I spoke to my kids about when they became teens.

15 is not young, but she needs to understand the boundaries of what is appropriate. I hope you discussed contraception ages ago!