Shit shit shit… what do I do?

[lucasnorth]

DD recently turned 15.
Her boyfriend is over to watch TV. Had dinner with us all.
After dinner I went upstairs to put younger one to bed and left them watching tv. With the door open.
I come back down and find her straddling him rocking up and down 🤯. With their clothes on. But still I was 😳
What do I say to her?! How is she not embarrassed?!
Do I need to get her on the pill? Or will that just encourage her? She’s so young 😞

Are you sure your DD knows what she’s doing? Because most 15 yr olds would be mortified to get caught like that. Is she clear what’s happening and her part in it? That’s the conversation I’d be having.

😂😂. Allow them to experiment comfortably? Dear god 🙄

Your daughter is fifteen, it’s perfectly natural and normal for her to have sexual feelings and to want to experiment with those.
shaming, or embarrassing her will just encourage an unhealthy relationship with the extremely important aspect of herself.

talk to her about safe sex. Talk to her about consent and what to do if she feels pressured, changes her mind etc. talk to her about appropriate place and time e.g not on the sofa when mum nips to the loo…. Talk to her about your boundaries/comfort e.g not doing it in your home when your home.

your daughter will have sex either already or soon- what tools and information she has to do that in a healthy and safe way is your responsibility

Really? It’s so normal (the door being open aside) for teens to experiment sexually. Much better to get them on the pill and make them understand they can always come to you than create a weird hangup by being controlling and authoritarian about it. You can only control them so much at 15

DON’T suggest the pill, suggest the implant. The pill can be easily forgotten.

😂

Better than in the park 🤷‍♀️ I don’t get parents who stick their head in the sand over teenagers having sex. It happened when I was a teenager and it happens now, might as well be somewhere safe!

Definitely contraception. There's a 14 year old at my DD's school who has just had a miscarriage. And boys need reminding that they could be paying child support for the next 18 years.

Show her how to use condoms properly.
Ask her to wait till she's a bit older nearer 16.
Ask her to keep the door closed!

Of course teens experiment but Encouraging your under age child to experiment sexually is not normal. and with the door open? Ffs . Also the other underage child in this scenario isn’t your child to make those decisions for!

And what do the rest of the family do? just steer clear of the room so they can “experiment”in comfort. Literally never heard anything as ludicrous in my life.

I have 4 kids, 2 girls one 18, one 33. They can and do come to me with everything , they’re polite snd respectful. I’m not controlling or authoritarian just a mum laying down boundaries for her kids.

Its absolutely normal to be constantly gagging for sex at thst age.....you can talk about boundaries etc and respect but I just remember being thst age and it was what we all thought about constantly

Why do people think if they lay the law down and get "livid" their kids will just fall in line? When we were 15 my friend was sexually active in parks! Her parents were uber strict so she just took it out of the house. They also never found out that she fell pregnant and had a termination at 16 because she was too scared to tell them. Your kids don't stop doing stuff because you say so. They just hide it.

Don’t worry, I didn’t bury my head in the sand when any of mine were 15.

i don’t get parents that think it’s ok to let your underage child and someone else’s underage child “experiment” in your house!

That’s your experience. I had boyfriends at 15, we were all boy mad at 15, I don’t remember anyone “gagging for sex” at 15 ! Yes some of my mates had lost their virginity but not many.

Blimey, do you have a 15 year old? Childhood is long gone by that stage, sex or no sex. Unless she doesn't mix with any other 15 year olds she is going to be far from an innocent kid by that age. There is probably a discussion to be had about whether that is right but there's no point being unrealistic.

I agree. I don’t understand not being embarrassed. It’s not the usual reaction to getting caught by your mum!

Or, presumably, anyone at all.

I would have been straight into the room and told her off and he would have been sent off with a flea in his ear as well. Wouldn’t be having that.

Obviously you know your own family dynamics and what will work best. But as a general principle I don’t know that a teens Dad does need to know if shes going on the pill, or what her contraception decisions are? If she’s comfortable talking about it with you then that’s great, many teens wouldn’t. But if as you say Dad is likely to freak out, will telling him not potentially alienate her and stop her confiding in you, if she feels you will not keep her confidence? I’d say 15 is old enough for her to be allowed to make have a choice on who knows about personal decisions like this.

Because it’s better than somewhere potentially unsafe/public.

100% need to get her on the pill. My mum didn’t speak to me about safe sex when she knew I was having a sexual relationship, and of course I became pregnant at 16. My son is 30 now, I adore him but it’s not been an easy ride. I’d be upset if any of mine had kids that young (only DD who is under 20 now so that thankfully won’t happen). Don’t sweep that conversation under the carpet as it certainly sounds like their relationship is moving along towards sex, and we all remember how we felt when we were teens. I’d point out that’s she’s underage and the age is set at 16 for a reason, blah blah, and also as you’ve already mentioned, discussed consent.

Everyone I knew at 15 who was in a relationship was allowed to stay at their bf/gf’s house. Some were allowed to share rooms, others weren’t but would still sneak in when parents were asleep. We also had parties where adults weren’t present, went camping, went to festivals. Sex happened. “Not in our house” parents were prettt rare, actually, usually religious conservatives. I don’t understand how you would stop it from happening.

Given lack of boundaries - I would discuss waiting until 16 and see if she is being manipulated into sex and if so, give her an exit. Also, contraception, STI's and ensure she realises the impact of being filmed or photographed.

Parenting is so complicated at this age - they are still children, it is illegal but you don't want them being unsafe. Hope you find a balance and way forward.
.

It sounds to me like they are probably already having sex.

I don't think you need to involve her father. You do need to have a very open conversation about safe sex, consent and contraception though.

It's normal for a 15 year to be interested in sex they become interested in and aware of their bodies and feelings younger than this.

No parent wants to see their child doing this at 15 or even 25 you just don't want to see some things but if they want to have sex they will find a way, all you can do is tell her about keeping safe and tell her to not do this in your house where you can see it.

There's no point banishing him from the house like a pp stated or go mad about it you'll just push her away, this is the age you need proper communication and to build a relationship with a young adult to be

Talk to her about how she might be interested in sex but the emotions that come with a sexual relationship at that age is not something she may be able to deal with.