Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

Or put them in her school bag 😁

Hi, new here 👋 It's mildly consoling reading that I'm not the only one experiencing this kind of behaviour but it's so depressing walking on eggshells, getting verbally abused all the time and having an explosive child. Tonight's debacle was a shouting session because I'd washed his hoodie because it had sick on it 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Back for some more support. I have been up all night binge watching Netflix. I had gone to bed and was about to turn off my tablet when I noticed my 14 year old daughters ASD reports had been sent - at 8.30pm. Anyway I read them and they confirm that she does meet the criteria. Poor her. She has been out of school with EBSA this term and now we know why. It has been a lot to take in. She is still my beautiful and clever girl, and for those wondering , yes, we have already applied for an EHCP. Long road ahead....

I wrapped so of DD's Christmas presents yesterday even though I felt like sending them all back due to her current attitude. She's so nasty to her younger brother and me. I know she's unhappy but no matter what I do that doesn't change and she has to be responsible for her own happiness when she lives in a loving household. Her unhappiness is down to her treatment of others and her high expectations of what her life should be like. I'm sorry I can't afford a horse or regular riding lessons and fancy holidays but I do my best for her and go without to give her things. There's been many times I've had toast or porridge for dinner or walked miles in the pouring rain rather than get the bus to make sure there's money for what she needs or wants. Being a single parent is hard. Her dad is a single parent but has a constant stream of girlfriends to do his parenting for him so he gets to be Disney dad who treats her like a princess. There's been times I've wished I were dead due to how she treats me. Yesterday though she was lovely after school. Well just what I'd expect on a normal day from anyone so that's how low my bar is there. It's very sad. That's no screaming and shouting or abuse or being rude and ungrateful.
Hugs to you all

I am so sorry, this sounds really hard.

I am struggling with various teen issues but I am trying to add small moments into my life where I am taking care of myself. This looks like being a longer haul than I expected and I have centred my DCs for such a long time! They are still the centre but I am trying to carve out a bit of time each day for me.

And good parent does matter, you've done everything you can for them, maybe it's even stopped them doing worse things. You won't know til later.

I’ve been thinking about you all today - hoping Christmas has some quality time in it and that stress is kept to a minimum 😞

Thanks. Hoping for a calm Xmas. That’s all I really want.

Hats off to you all. Teenagers are like TRexes on drugs - thug like when they want something and even when sleeping have the power to scare you.

regarding the plates - tell her she’s on paper plates and plastic cutlery until she can sort her waste out! Little madam! 🤦‍♀️

Ah this thread has saved my sanity. Just had two arguments in 20 minutes - one with eldest DS (20) about vaping weed in his room. Thinks we are unreasonable to not allow that in the family home. Wants to go back to uni. Feel like telling him to do just that. I AM FUMING. Second one was DS (16) asking me about his curfew then telling me to 'WAIT' whilst I tried to answer.

DD is 12 and hormonal the poor thing but I can see the sullenness kicking in all ready. I think I need a mantra 'This is not them, it's just their brains being weird'.

So hard to try to preserve a relationship so it's all okay in 10 years time

Solidarity in this festive period everyone!

Hear hear to solidarity

can I make you laugh ?!

today is one of my kids birthdays
the rudest teen waited until all the presents were open then said ‘how come HE got Colin the caterpillar and I got cuthbert’

its fucking 8 am - who even notices that crap when they’re all treated like royalty 😂

Which caterpillar cake they got depended on which parent was nearest which supermarket.

I despair
😃

god help me at Christmas 😂

@Mumofteens4892 did yours go to a local state school? I think it's too easy to get into weed in local parks. The drug dealers hang out there and it's just too easy.

I agree with this. It's all over snap chat too.
A lot if the dab pens don't smell either so some are taking them into school sadly.

Sending positive thoughts to anyone struggling over the holidays. My 13 year old DD is just so distant from me right now, I don't really have the energy to say much but I feel like I'm losing her. My 16 DS is good company at the moment, at least.

It's been a hard day here. to all that need it.

Today was fine. We didn’t see DD after lunch. In her room. Always in there. She never wants to spend time with us.,it was a calm day at least.

It was pants here. We have an old poorly dog who’s heading out. Son (only child ASC, 14) barged past me on the stairs and I lost it with him. He’s permanently vile to me like he hates me in spite of all I try to do to support him. Just discovered I’m anaemic too which doesn’t help me cope with all the crap.

I fought so hard to get him into a suitable senior school which is independent SEN. I know school can still be difficult for him but he has so much support and a comfortable life and I just despair at his rude, aggressive, self-centred, self- serving, unpleasant demeanour and behaviour. Thanks for providing a safe space to rant! 🤪

Well the boring calm of yesterday when both teens disappeared into their rooms for most of the day has ended. With a bang. Just lost my shit with both of them. DD who was getting a lift to her part time job who snapped at me to ‘stop treating her like a 5 YO’ when I told her to remember to eat lunch. (She skips it occasionally and invariably gets a migraine)

DS who is catching up his sister in teen attitude just visibly showed his irritation when I went in his room to give him a missing cable for his PS. Forgive me for trying to help!

So bloody ungrateful. Barely saw them yesterday. Only thanked me for dinner after being prompted by DH. I don’t expect a medal just a bit of appreciation. They are so bloody entitled. I never envisaged teenage years as being so hard to navigate.

And I know losing it with them is not the right way to go about things but sometimes they need to hear a few home truths. Such as how unappreciated and ignored I feel and how I’m tired of their sulks and seeming phobia to any kind of meaningful interaction with a parent!

(Disclaimer- The 2 issues that tipped me over the edge were minor I know and best ignored but honestly I’ve just had enough of the attitude)

@Bobsledgirl

I hear you. Similarly ‘minor’ things tipped me over the edge yesterday. But it’s not one thing in my case. It’s the constantly being treated with contempt. I’m not handling it right but have decided to meet the attitude with a similar degree of disdain. For the period of the holidays he can do his own laundry or wear dirty, eat what I make or sort himself out, and once he’s eaten all the snacks in the house walk to the shops like I do to replace if he chooses. I don’t really understand how I got to this place. I know life’s not easy for teens but honestly I try and be supportive and get treated like 💩

Just joining, mum of lazy 19 year old. Split up with gf, lost his job and now steals and manipulates people for money. He has stayed home last few weeks, telling me he has changed etc all the while vaping drugs guessing THC in his room. So he was off his head yesterday. He is ND and seems to create drama. He acts like some gangsta it's scary.

@Stuckinarut23
OMG. The gangsta act is like my son. He’s 14 and ND and has this ‘tough man’ persona going on. I’m sure it’s the internet and ppl will say take it off him but he’s an only one and in spite of trying tennis, golf, football, boxing clubs etc nothing’s stuck to make real life friendships so he uses online to socialise but is absorbing lots of 💩 from it too. 🤷‍♀️ what the solution is. He doesn’t want to play board games, theatre, walks, reading, like we do. I feel I’ve failed as a parent.

Fifi very similar and yes he seems to like the likes of Andrew Tate. Although 19, he definitely doesn't have the maturity of a 19 year old. It's the lies and manipulation I can't stand. I just looked at him yesterday and thought who are you! He was off his head and he looked like a drug addict to me. I feel sick and also like I've failed. But I know I am good person and he has been loved and cared for. He was never in trouble in school until he went back after lock down. Things have never been the same since. And although we have moment of calm (of which I m always suspicious) it never lasts. I feel his latest behaviour has been a long game for Christmas and to manipulate us so he still gets what he wants. He obviously has disrespected me and insulted my intelligence thinking I would find out about the vaping. I actually do not like him and it pains me to say it. And today I just thinks what more can I do or give.... I have nothing. I have distanced myself from friends and family because I am so ashamed and emotionally drained to put a fake smile on.

@Stuckinarut23
I’m so low with it all currently I’m in the bedroom sobbing on and off popping on here for solidarity. I hear you. It does distance you from ppl and things whether you realise it or not. Ppl don’t talk openly about these issues. I need to find the strength of spirit to say I’m still a decent person and did my best even though it’s not taking the direction I hoped for. He’s got some good role models around him in teachers, key worker etc and I’ve given all I can. I think I’m actually unwell with it all. The fight to get him into a SEN specialist school was horrendous and our elderly dog is sick at the moment and not long for the world sadly.

Oh Fifi, I just wanted to send hugs your way and to tell you I totally hear you. I know I haven't been the perfect parent but my god I have done my best and my children have always been loved and cared for. I know alot of children who have had it alot worse and have turned out fine. This is why it hurts us even more.

@Stuckinarut23
Thanks. It hurts doesn’t it? I’ve just hit a really low point with it all. I know lots of kids have it far worse and have turned out ok. I know I had a much tougher childhood. Maybe I tried to overcompensate for that. I dunno.