Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

I think the world is also a scary place and there are so many more influences, like social media. Alot if kids have mental health issues and do not have the resilience like we had.

@Stuckinarut23
Yes, my son has said the world’s a scary place. But currently it feels like he’s hell bent on destroying the respite and security we’ve tried to provide at home. I don’t know. The poor dog isn’t helping matters, not that it’s his fault or the time of year when it’s supposed to be all happy and I’ve completed lost it.

Fifi I've lost it today too, I've said horrible things in hurt, anger and frustration. But we are human, I've cried all day today. Always free to message me. This is the hardest and most loneliest time of my life. And mother nature has thrown in some peri hormones to add to the mix. 2023 has been shit and I'm absolutely dreading what 2024 has instore for me 😢

Don’t isolate yourself- find one of your friends who you trust and offload to her. I have and am not ashamed. People are very understanding, although our problems can be more extreme, a good friend will understand and it helps. You are a good parent. I am a good parent, despite making some mistakes with my ND daughter- but we have done our best and some of it is now up to them to become the person they want to be. Our children our not 14, they know , ND or not, right from wrong and they must make choices. I have taken a massive step back for my own sanity and it is what was needed for my child and myself. Good luck x

@Stuckinarut23
Thanks. I sent you a PM. I’m feeling a bit unhinged with everything currently and hoping to somehow get back onto an even keel.

hugs

@Stuckinarut23 and @Fififizz that all sounds very difficult.

Can I ask for suggestions to any on this thread, how your every day demeanour with your teens. I try to be neutral and move on quickly from arguments but sometimes I am just so hurt and cross that I just withdraw. Keep communication minimal. Others size I’m just putting it on, I’m fake, chasing DD’s interactions like a desperate boy with a crush on her.Grateful for any conversation. No. Had enough of that.

I’m done with my teenager. She has broken me.

I’ve spent all day in bed crying at myself as I’ve totally messed up with her. I’m such a terrible parent. She’s incredibly rude, disrespectful and manipulative. Swearing, screaming, constant drama.

Currently looking at flats to rent to get a bit of breathing space from her. I just can’t deal with it anymore.

@Brokenchristmas
Sorry to read this. It’s been a difficult and tearful Christmas for me. You’re not on your own. It sounds as though you have a sensible plan to move forwards.

Thank you for your support. I’m feeling very low.

Oh brokenchristmas I am so sorry , I know how you feel I am sat in my car around the corner from my house in floods of tears. Just wanted to say you are not alone. I wish there was more support for parents like us, parenting teens these days is a mine field so many other influences and entitlement. Nothing like this when we were younger

And you are not a terrible parent. I know we blame ourselves but there many outside influences these days that impact their behaviour. Please keep talking and offloading it will help.

@Brokenchristmas @Stuckinarut23
Solidarity. This Christmas has been especially hard. Life in general is difficult with an ASC teen. Hang on in there and keep posting on here for support.

I am a single parent of 3. My youngest daughter is autistic. I have two older children who hate each other and physically attack each other when not psychologically abusing or insulting each other. I don’t know how I cope but I carry on as well as trying to work and care for myself.

@MadeleineMummy
Welcome. It’s not my thread but I don’t think OP will mind. It’s a very supportive place. I’ve been hopping on a lot over the last few days as I have been needing emotional support. You sound like you have a lot to cope with in your daily life. I’m sure you’ll find support here.

Hugs to everyone posting on or reading this thread - we all need it. Our circumstances are different, as are the ages, particular issues and numbers of teen children we have, but I bet that all of us have felt inadequate or out of control more times than we care to remember.
I'm wishing everyone peace this last week of the year.

@Brokenchristmas I am so sorry to hear this, sending hugs and strength. Can you do something nice for you either with a partner, friend or just on your own? I find things much easier to deal with when I get out away from my dd.

Hugs to you all.

I felt so low today, depressed even. It was a real battle in my mind.

It took all I had to get up and do it all over again.

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom
Hugs back to you. Sorry to read you’re feeling so low. Can you do something nice just for you? A hot chocolate, early night, hot bath or maybe just offloading to us on here? x

Just wanted to send hugs to everyone. Some days are even tougher, and you have to cry it out or detach yourself from it so you can reset and pick yourself back up. Please look after yourself easier said then done I know. I've just spent the day alone, crying on and off in my bedroom. Hopefully I will feel stronger tomorrow and more positive. Today I wanted to give up and admit defeat and tell D's to leave. It's such a lonely time so glad I've found this thread.

Sending you all huge hugs, sounds like people are having a really rough time.

Joining in as I am sure that I’ll need a space to cry (DD, 16; DS, 13; DD is autistic. They can be lovely but can also be a struggle)

I cried tonight after a particularly difficult meeting with my mum, and my teenager who can be a real smart arse, invited me into her room ( usually off limits) and dried my hair for me. That was after washing my hair when I sat in the bath crying . My mum says I’m a shit parent. I spoil the kids and that they speak to me like shit. I do spoil the kids,probably guilt at working long hours and not giving them enough time. And as difficult as it is at times I want my kids to have opinions, and debates about things, and so yes they challenge me. When the kids have overstepped the mark they always say sorry quickly. I have a great relationship with the teenagers. Is it Tiring? Yes at times. Are they messy in the house? Yes. But when it matters do they look after me? Yes. Are they prepared to hold a line even when it’s difficult? Yes. My teenagers are hard and exhausting, but I bloody love them. I look after them, and they look after me.

@Broken123 Sounds as though you’re getting it right to me from that description. Grandparents are from a different time/generation of parents. I’m an older mum too and often feel my own experience of childhood bears no resemblance to today and hasn’t really helped me parent in today’s world.

@Stuckinarut23
Sending hugs and solidarity. I hear you!

@BlueyDragon
Welcome to the support thread.

Last night dd15 got angry with me that I had the audacity to watch tv in my own house because I'm always watching tv in the evening. Over Christmas I've stayed up watching stuff but am usually in bed by 9 and rarely watch tv in the evening. She wanted to watch a film on her own to have some me time. I'd already planned on watching something and started to watch. She came down in a right huff. I offered to watch the film with her the next day even though it's not my kind of film and she said no she needs her me time. At gone midnight she wanted to start watching the film after having a go at me for watching a whole 90 minutes of tv. I said no and she kicked off and told me I was unreasonable to watch what I wanted when she wanted to watch a film by herself but how she'd let me do so. Let me! She's had most of the day having me time in her room ffs and I'd been busy all day entertaining her younger brother, cooking, cleaning and doing laundry. Me time indeed.
The entitlement is astonishing.

Sorry to read everyones tough time.

My dd was bought home by the police at 2.00 am last night after sneaking out at 1.30 to meet her boyfriend. I only know as I was looking at the ring doorbell footage.

Just feels like I can't have a single day where she isn't causing a stress.