Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

@RudolphsFriend sounds stressful! Did she end up going or not?

@Fourcandleforkhandle omg. 4 kids. Omg. Single parent. You are super woman. 2 are difficult and 2 are lovely. At least you two lovely ones does the 20 year old help you a bit with the stroppy teens?

I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with my daughter. I have not been perfect. But this feels fully abusive. I cannot cope.

So, during the temper tantrum re. The disco, she managed to pull one of the drawers out which landed on her foot. A Mum friend came to pick her up for the disco but brought her back home as she couldn’t walk once she got there.

She’s been up in the night with throbbing pain so I think it’s a trip to A&E this morning to check it’s not broken. Big sigh!

Good luck. Hope she learns to manage her anxiety. Can she get ready with a friend?

@Flyhigher Sorry if it was confusing in post but I have 5 Children! They are all so close together in age - 20, 19,18 ,15 and a 13 year old. The 20 yr old doesn't really help with the younger ones. Him and the 18 yr old are the ones who make my life more difficult ( obviously I never say this in front of them).
It is truly exhausting. When they were younger I thought it would get easier when they're older. It does in some ways. I think physically we may do less but mentally it's definitely more exhausting.

Sending you all a super strong hand hold

my daughter just majorly flunked a prelim that I’ve been forking a fortune out for in tutoring. Won’t work outwith to consolidate anything but what would I know about life or studying?

everybody and everything today is annoying me, including myself.

A hand hold to you, too!
Grrrrr, yes, what would parents know about life. In my native language we say teens like to "discover hot water" = reinvent the wheel, for themselves.

So after a relatively calm period - and much improved grades at school and overall behaviour, we're having issues with smoking and weed. DD is 14. Some of her friends are still 13.

There was an incident a few weeks ago where another mum found they'd been smoking weed in the park. We grounded her for a week. She swore it was a one-off.

Just found loads of stuff in her room...

What do we do that has any chance of working??

We want to be firm but also constructive.

Any advice welcome!

Similar situation. It just went underground and they had those terrible dab pens that don't smell. E cig weed.
Also any advice or experience as I actually can't bear it.

No advice I’m afraid. It’s so widespread. I sent DD a load of info to read from Frank. It’s scary though.

Please let me vent! Things have been ok but tonight….She came in from college, ate tea, in her room for rest of night. Like always. At 10 when I was going to bed I saw she’d left dirty plates in landing. this is an ongoing issue. It’s disgusting to see half eaten congealed food. At 11 they were still there. I’m floor above so text her to ask her to move them. She sent a thumbs down emoji and a ‘night!’. It infuriated me so I went down, walked straight in and told her to move the plates and stop being so disrespectful. I didn’t shout. I was firm.

Unfortunately she was half asleep so woke with a start and then massively kicked off. Stormed down stairs with plates, slammed doors, muttered ‘fucking hell’ under her breath then sent me dozens of texts to say how horrible I am.

im sorry her sleep was disrupted but she was really taking the piss. The last text I had was ‘you woke me up because of a bowl. Let that sink in’!!!! Let that sink in????? Wtf does she think she’s talking to.

Great night.

She sent me text messages all night… ‘can’t sleep. Your fault’.

i really don’t know how to handle this this morning.

Ugh that is awful, they are utterly unreasonable humans. I honestly thought as they got older they would cop on but now I fear my 19 yo dsis will always be this way.

@Bobsledgirl fully understand why you went in.. but it was always going to blow back at you... better to put the plates on her actual bed in the morning after school for her to find. In a box maybe.

My DD15 is pretty quiet but does sports, has some friends and generally seems to be doing ok.

My worry is that she seems young compared to her peers and comes across quite immature. She doesn’t seem to be doing the same as other kids her age and although I encourage all socialising etc she would rather stay in bed staring at her phone. I guess she’s probably quite introverted, although can be hugely chatty and sociable in the right setting/with the right people etc.

I worry she doesn’t see friends much, go to parties or just hang out. But then that’s not the be all and end all I know. But she’s also lacking motivation for revising and is in year 11 and hates school.

I can’t work out what to do and whether I am just worrying unnecessarily. As that’s our job right?!

maybe she’ll just find her way in the world a bit later than others?!

I get awful texts like this too if I have the audacity to call out her shit behaviour.
They have an answer for everything.

I told her I was ill. She totally ignored that and sent a text saying no but just cos ur ill doesnt mean you cant feed ur daughter.

I was like wow thanks for caring and helping. Got the following response

u asked and i gave u an answer simply doesnt mean i dont care just saying the absolute truth but take it in what way u want.

Whatever that even means!

Ughhhh awful texts. Infuriating and yes I definitely should have left the plates @Flyhigher

Plates drive me nuts. But can you reward good behaviour instead? Easier said than done I know.
Calling out at night will not work. I do think we should have cut down on all fheir phone use.
It's the cause of all this. I should have cut it from 11pm every night.

I cannot stand the lack of planning with everything. Hate it.

You are definitely my tribe.
my teens can be so rude and entitled and I think where have I gone wrong? Like where?

at times, they are the worst non-bosses who think they are bosses, ever you

my thoughts are totally with you all!!!

Similar battles- different houses

Makes me feel better knowing we’re all in the same struggle!

Everyone hanging in?

Just. I notice my previously adorable son is now firmly in teen land too. Joy. He’s so stroppy and negative.

God. We do everything for our kids and they treat us like rubbish! Mine can’t bear to spend any time with me. Always in their rooms or out.
Makes me sad.

I am not alone! 2 weed-smoking sons. One dropped out of education entirely at 15. The other not far behind. Wannabe gangsters. Money going missing. Lying. I can’t bear it.

Not that it seems to matter, but I have put 110% into being a “good parent”. Read loads of parenting books, kept my cool, set boundaries, school governor… yadda yadda. I have 2 degrees, my own business, we have everything we need, life is just fine. None of these things seem to matter.

Now I am stuck with 2 lazy kids who we can’t even trust and who don’t care what we think or say. It breaks my heart.