Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

Just found this thread after searching for a mental lifeline...have 2 ds, ds2 15, ds1 17 with asd and dh waiting asd and adhd assmnt. Life has been unbelievably tough the last 5 yrs, ds1 is very manipulative and controlling and despite doing his best dh has not been much help. Ds15 has been affected by what weve been through with ds1 .ds15 now got his first girlfriend, told me earlier he doesnt want to go anywhere with us anymore ,hates us all and prefers dgf's family. Feel like ive been punched. He was the one that kept me going as we have always been close ,just feel gutted 💔

I’m so so sorry you are all going through this. It’s unbelievably hard and I have also aged so quickly the last few years. Family life with teens is genuinely a huge test. And the hormonal changes do NOT help… :( hang in there guys

I've just found this thread and so glad I have.

I have DD aged 14 and I'm in tears again tonight. She used to be the most loveliest girl but the last 6 months she has been refusing to go to school, moody, nasty had the whole family walking on egg shells. Well tonight she has flipped over something so minor with her younger sister, she has smashed her bedroom up, said she wants to die, she hates me and it's my fault I've made her mentally ill. I'm so upset, she has a good life and loving family. It's always aimed at me and I'm I'm in tears this morning I can't take much more.

I can relate to this. No words but you are not an awful person

Please someone tell me that this parenting park gets easier?! I currently want to run away and never come back! I’m running in empty and have nothing left to give…
Reading all of these posts helps knowing that everyone else seems to be in the same boat too!

@HalleyH
I'm feeling the same this morning. I could happily leave the house and never come back and the way I feel now, I wouldn't care if I never seen dd again. I dread waking up every morning because it's the same. How old is your DC

Big hugs to all, it can be so tough.
I just had a moan at my nearly 15 year old too. She is a good kid but she has got moodie and moodier and barely talks to me now, apsrt from the essentials. It's become almost impossible to have a conversation, despite trying all the different techniques. We used to be super close but oir relationship has bow reduced to 'whats for dinner', 'can you pick me up at' 'can so and so come over', 'can you wash my top/buy me this/etc'

I told her it really upset me that she won't talk to me but all I got is 'there is nothing to say'. Great. She has left for a sports tour for a few days now and I know I won't get any messages or photos. Dd1 was like that too... luckily for me DS1 has always been very chatty and DS2 is quiet but never rude. I seem to have been unlucky with the girls although DD1 is 19 and way way better now..

Sorry to read so many of us feel the same. DD’s lack of interest in anything has been temporarily replaced by an obsession with Love Island and holiday clothes. The latter I can chat about but the former? No way am I wasting my life watching some vacuous TV wannabes. So now she’s in a mood with me. Sigh.

Please can I sneak in? I could do with cheering up - it's a minor issue in the grand scheme of things, I know, but my 17-year-old DS went out a few days ago and had his beautiful, beautiful hair shaved into the most awful buzz-cut and I hate it! He's not massively keen on it either and says he won't do it again - he and his mate threatened to do it after their GCSEs last year but both chickened out, and his mate chickened out this time as well, after DS had done it.

I grew up in the 80s and have such negative associations with skinheads etc., so I'm irrationally upset (but trying very hard not to show it). I know it's his hair, and it'll grow back a bit by the time he's back in college in September, but he was meant to be getting a summer job and I can't see it doing him any favours. Tales of stupid things your teens have done to their hair and how it all grew back beautifully would be very welcome, please!

So couldn’t get hold of DD2 (14) this evening. She’s apparently staying with her dad. She was ‘missing’ two nights ago on his night.

He’s been closer for four weeks after 12yrs of EOW. He sent a spreadsheet of when I’ll have the kids now he’s back, and it’s a train wreck. I never know where the kids will
be.

Can I join in?! So sorry everyone is having such a rough time. I’m now so anxious and drinking too much and not sleeping. I’m trying to be cool for son,16, but DD, 19 left at 18 to be with a trans partner and take testosterone. She really believes that steroids will solve all her problems. Obviously I am the worst transphobic person as I rather suspect it will just give her different problems. DH is finding it incredibly difficult and I’m not actually sure how to cope with him or her tbh. The temptation to lie down and not get up again !

sorry you're having such a hard time.
Have you been on the feminist threads on mumsnet- specifically the sex and gender area? You could ask for info there.
It's somewhere I frequent as have massive concerns over gender ideology and how it impacts on women and girls.
I do know that there is a support group for parents of trans-identified children https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/ which I think doesn't in any way promote puberty blockers etc
There are other websites that don't kowtow to trans ideology such as Transgender Trend.
I haven't actually looked on either of those sites but they seem to be mentioned frequently.

Thank you so much bustcrustacean it’s so nice to hear a friendly voice. I will pop over to bayswater and the feminist thread.
im glad to hear you have concerns over how the gender ideology impacts on women and girls. I feel like I am in a bad dream and no one is listening.
Like everyone we were fine with our DD wearing boys clothes etc. the guidance teacher said,’oh she’s changing her pronouns, it’s just a bit rebellious, like punk was ‘. The trouble has started because we don’t want her to damage her body with steroids, and now Friends, family, school, counselors..are suddenly vilifying us as transphobic, whatever the hell that means. I have NEVER had a fear of people wearing cool androgynous clothes. Oh wait, except it’s not about teenage girls any more is it.
calling us transphobes is very clever, it somehow gives people permission to judge us and find us guilty behind our back, and bask in the knowledge that they are all cool and woke and supportive. Well great, except it’s a very harsh punishment for something we haven’t done. Our daughter’s sibling is in bits, our marriage is struggling, her grandparents are upset. In what other circumstance would this be OK? If she was anotexic would people be saying behind our back,’stay with us and we will make sure you don’t eat, and we won’t tell your parents’
im so exhausted, hurt and confused. This ideology is sooo nasty while pretending to be sooo kind.

You are spot on. It’s an upside down world currently.

Hi all,

As so many other have said, finding lack of comms with my 15 yo DS so hard. Our conversation has become almost entirely functional (needing money, food, school dinner top up, phone data etc) and we were so close. Am really trying to give him more space, but even worse other chat is about homework, bedtime, coming off screens etc, so often fraught. I talked to him briefly about it last night and said I do want a little time with him (and our dog) and it’s no good if we never chat. He agreed and says he wants to do it too, so let’s see - he has said it before with no change.. Finding things we both enjoy is hard, but hoping. Otherwise we are just passing ships sharing a house..Hope everyone is managing ok

I can say that at 16 it's different. Especially after prom.

Mine just seems miserable all the time. Breaks my heart.

No one could have told me that the little kid Who was so loving and that I was so close to, would pull away and want to be almost no Contact virtually (but in the same home - hard).

So hard! Exactly the same boat. My mum said sonething that helped a bit. Try to be glad for having those times in the first place rather than focusing on not having them now. It still hurts, but I’m trying

I had that. And I was devastated.
Now at 16 after GCSEs. She is back. Lost her for five years. She's back but very different.
Hang in there. She's trying to find herself. Or himself.

Focus on you. They will come back. People told me this and I didn't believe it.

When do they come back? DD 19 totally vanished, DS 16 slipping away. I can’t stop irritating him.

O had the same. Can you get friendly with their friends mums and arrange socials as your house?

Oh god, I’ve been trying for years. I even set up a whats app and on,y one mum ever responded, she’s great and we can chat about our sons which is SO useful. The mums I like, he doesn’t like the sons, and the sons he likes, the mums don’t seem to like me. Impossible !

Just joining the thread