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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

1000 replies

Pleasegivemeyourwisdom · 01/10/2023 19:46

We Got This Realtor GIF by CALIFORNIA ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS®

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

OP posts:
DancesWithDucks · 30/04/2024 14:52

it was so helpful. Back in January he never spoke to me except to be unpleasant, was foul to his little brother and I couldn't handle him. Told him to live with his father, it was that bad.

Dazzler1978 · 30/04/2024 20:19

Hi All,

Apologies I have not read through all the messages on this thread so this is I think more than likely has been discussed previously so apologies for that.

I have a teen boy 15 in his last year of school, he is rude, inconsiderate, refuses to go school, has no gratitude for anything and expects the world to give him everything.

We are at our whit-send with what to do, it is a constant daily battle to get him to school - The school is no help, police no help NOBODY is helping. Today was his first GCSE exam and he refused to go in and missed it so that is now a fail.

Any advice, anything gratefully received.

Thank you

Fififizz · 30/04/2024 21:29

@Dazzler1978
Have similar issues here but not doing GCSE’s. Can school pull him from the lot and retake the year? Not sure if that’s an option as sometimes school care more about their stats than what’s best for the individual. Otherwise when boys know the game’s up and they’re going to fail at something they do it spectacularly, like not even sitting the exam at all. It’s a psychological safety mechanism if you think about it. Can the GP sign him off as having some sort of mental health breakdown? Hopefully someone with practical lived experience will reply.

duvet · 01/05/2024 17:43

@MrsB2005 Hats off to you, sounds like you did a good job and you rose above the noise!

Flyhigher · 02/05/2024 21:28

Dazzler1978 · 30/04/2024 20:19

Hi All,

Apologies I have not read through all the messages on this thread so this is I think more than likely has been discussed previously so apologies for that.

I have a teen boy 15 in his last year of school, he is rude, inconsiderate, refuses to go school, has no gratitude for anything and expects the world to give him everything.

We are at our whit-send with what to do, it is a constant daily battle to get him to school - The school is no help, police no help NOBODY is helping. Today was his first GCSE exam and he refused to go in and missed it so that is now a fail.

Any advice, anything gratefully received.

Thank you

Will he get a job? Might motivate him.
College he will have to redo his English and maths. And take btecs.

Flyhigher · 02/05/2024 21:29

Re post here- for help!

Teens and other family members absolutely insist on having the last word even when they have misunderstood something.

An example is dd16 saying about its bank holiday on Monday I say so can you have your tutor in the day then? She then shuts me down and has to have the last word. I just say well if you don't want to have in the day you don't have to.

She keeps shutting me down. Having to have the last word.

Lots of my family members are the same.

No one will take even a small suggestion of some alternative idea.

I feel like my teen has completely dominated me and the house.

Flyhigher · 02/05/2024 21:51

How do you deal with people who insist on having the last word?

naturalbaby · 05/05/2024 20:06

Just found this thread and would love to join in.
It's one of their birthdays today and we still haven't done cake etc because I'm waiting for everyone to calm down from the latest argument.
I have 3 teenage boys, 1 autistic 1 suspected autistic. Also recently separated, ex DH has never been able to cope with parenting them.
Sibling rivalry is driving me crazy - I'm currently hiding in the bathroom wiping my tears after another fight between 2 of them.

Bobsledgirl · 05/05/2024 20:42

I have no advice. Just sympathy and virtual wine.

naturalbaby · 08/05/2024 12:32

I asked my 16yr old to talk to me about what was on his mind last night, after 1 1/2 hrs I had to pause to be reconstituted later this week. 2 of my boys keep saying that I don't do anything - sorry boys, being a teenager sucks!

Travelban · 09/05/2024 15:46

My 14 year old dd2 just started a new thing which is that she doesn't talk to me.

She has always been very chatty, sometimes rude but always chatty and in the last couple of weeks just refuses to talk. She will ask for things but refuses to have a chat.

I have tried all the usual techniques from starting topics to suggesting things to silence to car journeys but it's just 'yes' 'no' 'don't know' 'maybe' answers. It's very very upsetting and I really don't get it.

Ralphiesaurus · 10/05/2024 16:40

Ah @Travelban that sounds tough. I hate all these phases they go through, especially when we can remember the lovely children they used to be.

My oldest (uni one) is still being rubbish at communicating. Hasn't found accom for next year... and her contract finishes on this year's place in a couple of weeks' time. I think this may be her (passive) way of saying uni isn't for her -which is fair enough, except the thing came through to say shes applied for 2nd year funding?! Just wish she'd actually speak about it. So she should be home soon in any case, so we'll see what's what then.

Younger daughter is being challenging in a different way. Currently insults me/puts me down every chance she gets. I'm sick of it. I've had experience of (adult) bullying and fought it down. Never expected to have this in my own home. I need to have words.

Sometimes really really wish I'd never got married and had children 😥

Travelban · 10/05/2024 21:36

Thanks @Ralphiesaurus turns out dd2 got.'dumped' by her boyfriend of one year (by text) and all hell broke loose today.. so cruel to do it by text and out of the blue, she is devastated

I know what you mean.about feeling ill treated in your own home,.I get this feeling often and it's very unpleasant...

Mumofteens4892 · 20/05/2024 16:23

Argh need to vent. I have had YEARS of struggling with the SEND system and schools. I have had to work full-time throughout. I am naturally calm, I’m in full health, there is always food, our house is lovely and we are in a nice area.

Both of my kids have been failed by the school system. My 16yr old gets 1hr of provision per week from our local college. He has an EHCP but the council is broken and his EHCP hasn’t been updated in 3 years.

My 14yr old had acute MH issues which school could/would not support him with, and so we had to deregister him, after many weeks of negotiating with school, going part-time, seeing GP…etc. I’m doing a course on “parenting mental health”.

Today, I have been called a “spastic” and a “shitbag” by my own kids. My husband told me yesterday our relationship is worthless and he wants to move out. 14yo is currently out on his bike, god knows where, and says he won’t be back until 10pm. Not picking up his phone. I’m terrified the police / social services will get involved if they see him out in school hours.

I have tried SO hard for ALL of them, for so many years. I try to be patient, understanding and reasonable. I never “lose it”. I run a business, I go to counselling to keep myself together. I am doing my absolute very best. I feel like everything is falling apart and my own family are trying their best to break me. The kids show no sign of ambition or wanting an education.

When I told my 16yo how much effort I put into keeping everything going he said “well if you are trying and people are still complaining at you then you obviously need to try harder”.

Husband tried to help out by saying he would do all the washing for a month as my birthday present. Whoopee. How the F did I get here, and how do I escape it?

MrsB2005 · 20/05/2024 16:51

@Mumofteens4892 Sorry I have no advice or anything even vaguely helpful but I just wanted you to give you the most unmumsnetty hug - sounds like you have done everything you could and more for all 3 of them! Dont beat yourself up Lovely x

Ralphiesaurus · 20/05/2024 19:32

@Mumofteens4892 you are doing amazing to be holding it all together as long and as well as you have. It sounds like you need a break and I think they need a wake up call. What would happen if you just went away on your own for a few nights to rest and recuperate? Let them SEE how much you do and how much you are the glue that holds it all together.

Other than that I have no words of wisdom just know that you are not alone in finding this stage of parenting almost beyond bearing... and that their ungrateful behaviour is NOT in any way your fault

Mumofteens4892 · 20/05/2024 19:54

Thank you @MrsB2005 and @Ralphiesaurus . It's tough. There's no justice. You don't get out what you put in. Maybe I do just need to stop trying and let them feel the consequences, however uncomfortable. Its so hard. Thank you xxx

Stuckinarut23 · 20/05/2024 23:09

Mumofteens4892 totally get where you are coming from. I could easily run away right now. Apparently I do nothing my kids. Sometimes I think I've done too much, children alot less seem hell of a lot more greatful.

Travelban · 21/05/2024 08:22

@Mumofteens4892 I really feel for you. Parenting teenagers can be so hard. We have had ups and downs, definitely on a massive downer at the moment but hopefully will get better. Like others said, they do get better at 17/18 generally speaking.

Mumofteens4892 · 21/05/2024 08:41

Husband came home last night, I told him I had a tricky day. He told me to “stop my incessant moaning” and told me I am selfish. So I left. They will be better off without me. He blamed the kids - “mum is moving out and it’s all your fault”. It’s all gone to shit. I don’t want to be here.

WarningOfGails · 21/05/2024 12:36

@Mumofteens4892 sorry this sounds like an extremely tough situation, but that you may have a DH problem alongside your teen problem? He sounds unengaged and unsupportive.

Newtonianmechanics · 21/05/2024 17:31

Mumofteens4892 · 21/05/2024 08:41

Husband came home last night, I told him I had a tricky day. He told me to “stop my incessant moaning” and told me I am selfish. So I left. They will be better off without me. He blamed the kids - “mum is moving out and it’s all your fault”. It’s all gone to shit. I don’t want to be here.

I am so sorry. Please reach out to Samiratns or shout or keep taking on here.

ScreamingDelight · 21/05/2024 21:32

Mumofteens4892 · 21/05/2024 08:41

Husband came home last night, I told him I had a tricky day. He told me to “stop my incessant moaning” and told me I am selfish. So I left. They will be better off without me. He blamed the kids - “mum is moving out and it’s all your fault”. It’s all gone to shit. I don’t want to be here.

I hope you are ok. Life is tough especially when your household isnt harmonious. Hopefully your DH appreciates what you do now that you have left them to it, even for a short period of time. Please do check in xx

irobot95 · 24/05/2024 15:54

Just found this thread! Thank you! it's so good to hear I'm not the only 'world's worst parent', and to read your experiences. I am sorry to hear some are having a realIy rough time : ( I have a (hormonal) 12yo ds, 18yo ds (who is actually lovely :-)) and 20yo ds who mostly ignores me and lives with his dad. Some days are fine, but yesterday eg. 12yo walked out coz I took his phone away.. he's almost always stuck to it, saying he's going to his dads.... which sent me into panic mode, as had a difficult divorce and battled to maintain sanity. I know I need to set clearer boundaries with screen time. The problem is the whole concept of 'boundaries' disappeared once they started getting so much 'freedom' at their dads. I feel I've lost all autonomy as a parent !! Thanks for listening :-)

irobot95 · 24/05/2024 15:56

Mumofteens4892 hope you're ok, I totally relate to how you must be feeling <hugs>

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