Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

She’s a bloody joy to teach in class - absolutely fabulous on an A* probably the best pupil I have ever had. Work on time and extra. Answers every question and totally lovely - she’s just a bugger when she gets in the car to go home !!! My other co teacher just said how is she so wonderful - as do all her other teachers - she’s bloody head girl just a madam at home !!!

Male hippos live alone don’t they? Yes bull elephants are sent off at a certain age I think ….

I’ve just sent them both to the fish and chip shop for tea. Then I’m going to multiple washes to wash all the 30 tea towels and towels that were used to mop up the utility room floor and tumble dry them and watch professor T on a loop! Thanks

so she's masking a lot at school? My goodness it's hard when they get home and stop though ...

I teach my daughter too. When she can actually attend. Has its pros and cons.

She hates my subject but sits quietly cringing at me. 🤦‍♀️

I feel like my teen has taken my identity from me.
She's forced me not to be me.
She and husband now rule the house.
She's driven a wedge between us.
Also my aging difficult Mum has squeezed out all my independence.

It's very hard.

Does anyone else feel the same.

I loved 0 till 10. Not all but most. Especially 4-10.

Teens has broken me. I hate it.

I did worry too much about contraception.
We did manage to figure that out. She was hard with it though.

I feel like she's beaten me up every day since 11. 5.5 years of it. I'm broken.

Thinking of you all today - I can honestly say parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s taken me to my knees, yet given me some good times too. Exhausted today however.

I have a 14 year old son and he is amazing - I’m loving this phase, intelligent conversations, loving hugs, babysitting siblings, stronger and taller than me and a massive help around the house….. is it all about to go wrong any minute?! When did your teen sons start changing? Or was it v gradual?! Should I prepare to have my heart broken?..

You might get lucky and he might remain a great kid!

Mum of 2 teenage boys here. In my opinion, it always goes abit poop in year 9. I've found thats where I've had most of the pull back from my kids. Aged 13-14 they were just little demons. Full of attitude, always got something to say, demanding, rude, constant phone calls from school, etc. My oldest son is 16 now and he still tries it but nowhere near as bad as before. My now 13 yr old son tho is pushing the boundaries but his behaviour isnt as bad. He is austistic though. He still tells me he loves me 10 times a day even when he has his headset on. He still asks for cuddles. Hes just taller than me now, stronger than me. Lazy.

Year 9 was terrible and where it got really bad.
It started in the pandemic. Puberty in lock down really affected my dd. She was never the same after that.

You might escape it! They aren't all bad.

Oh gosh I’m not surprised. Physical, emotional and mental abuse take its toll on you. Mine has had all day at home and was asked to make a sausage casserole in the slow cooker. It’s now 9 pm and I’ve not eaten as she said she couldn’t be bothered to make a sausage casserole as she didn’t feel hungry as she popped out for lunch - FFS I’ve stuck to my guns and made her do it - pizza, chips and beans for me and her brother we are both starving ….

m she then told me ‘don’t start’ when I started expressing how cross I was …..

‘Don’t start’….i get that. DD talks to me so disrespectfully. We’ve had a quiet couple of weeks, not least because she was on a sixth form trip. She’s 18 next month and probably older than all of your teens. It worries me. By now I feel we should be getting past this. Is this how it’s always going to be?

Not necessarily! I myself was pretty tough at 18 (ok at 16!), but calmed down after moving out and have had a wonderful relationship with my parents from 20 on.

Anyone on here feel technology and devices are to blame? We’ve had an ongoing battle trying to but boundaries in around use and limits. It’s been a constant battle. Anyway, due to shenanigans in a online chat group we removed them yesterday. No idea how long for and how we even return them when I’m not sure the maturity is there to use them wisely. Thanks

Yes, I think they are definitely an aggravating factor.
My DD (at almost 16) still has downtime and time restrictions on various apps (mostly tiktok). She is one of the very few but I think it helps and definitely lessens the number of fights about time management that we would have otherwise.

That’s helpful, thanks, mine’s 14 and this point has been coming for a while if I’m honest. In fact parenting became a whole lot harder around yr6 and that coincided with us giving in on the mobile phone front and other things. Rather than listen to us I feel it’s been such a negative influence and we’ve had lots of issues over it in the past so it’s been clear my son just can’t handle the responsibility of it. No idea how we re introduce it or build trust around it again. Personally I feel it needs to be a long way in the future.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

And they need phones and laptops at school here ... you can't just take them away.

@Flyhigher I am so sorry that this is your life. I am so sorry for the effect it's had on you. Nowhere near as extreme, but my older son's been abusive at times and it has changed things between us. He's being much nicer now (with the odd blip) after I actually told him - and meant it - that I didn't want him living with me any more. He's back now for some time but I'm still wary and frankly intimidated. Your situation sounds more extreme and the effects must be awful, especially after so long.

That’s so difficult for you. It’s ironic when now the government is stepping up on it too. We’ve managed to remove the phone and access to messaging I think although I still have to look at the chromebook and wii but it will be a constant source of nagging to get us to capitulate. Deep down I know it needs to be for a long stretch of time 12 months or so probably as any sooner and he’ll just revert. It’s caused him to lie to cover his tracks and I’m not sure his ‘friends’ are that. I think my son’s the fall guy but can’t see it. I feel pretty beaten up by it as we watched the change happen and couldn’t install boundaries around proper use and now it’s cold turkey which is a good thing but not easy in a word full of tech!

No, and you need a shield of steel around you to handle the fallout :(

@Bobsledgirl my older daughter turned 19 at the weekend and we are going through a very difficult time with her. She's actually a lovely lovely person but internalises all her struggles and is not coping well at uni (first year). Younger teen is 15 (16 later this year) and is doing very well academically at school but has turned into a total "queen bee" after being bullied herself badly at primary... and can now be extremely caustic and unkind. To her friends and to all of us at home too.

Older teen goes back to uni today and I am dreading it... she has had moments over the past couple of weeks where we've seen the old her and laughter and light... am dreading her sinking again and her not being able to help herself get everything back on track...

I do think year 9 can be difficult or any year when puberty really kicks in. Can be later also.

With Dd1 it was 16/17 (also because of lockdown delaying it). With DS1 and 2 a lot easier but DS2 only really fully hit puberty now at 16 so I suspect might get worse soon.

Dd2 in year 9 (14) really hard work and has had a boyfriend for a year now, which has been very hard work to navigate for me in terms of making sure everything is managed (parents, visits, lifts, entertainment, safeguarding) and it's the only topics she seems happy to talk to me about.

But then last night she told me I am obsessed with it, so you really can't win!! You do feel like walking out of the house sometimes to a happier place!!