Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

So glad to see this thread!

Sometimes I just want to have a petulant strop myself and stop trying to message my daughters as they mainly blank me unless they want something (19 and 15). Am currently trying to plan a wee holiday but neither is engaging with my suggestions and we're on a really tight budget so I might not bother. A holiday would be a huge treat but not if they sulk about the weather/accom/location or whatever the whole time...

Bloody fb "memories" taunt me constantly with pics of when they were vaguely pleasant and human... and laughed and joked and were fun to be around. Then the Internet took over and one decided temporarily that she was a boy and the other that she has to wear trowelfuls of makeup and have "juicy" emblazoned on herself.

One final(ish) straw was bloody Christmas. Oh they insisted we had to do Christmas stockings and church but then DIDN'T GET UP. They did in the end but only just in time and I was thinking what's wrong with me? How did it happen that they backed me into being a martyr?

Would it be terrible of me to book my own holiday and just sod off?

Dd is being lovely today after a few awful weeks. Hang on in there!

Go for it! Sounds ideal tbh 😊

I have a marching 15 year old DD too. She has ADHD/ASD, PDA and EBSA. She also thinks she's a boy just to throw that into the mix too. 😞

The marching is a form of stimming for her. She's been to school today (or at least for the afternoon) and she's straight away marching when she's back home. She counts the steps too which can be quite obsessive.

Mines been in pyjamas all day as she’s tired. I was up at 5 am and at work this morning until 11 am - got home she’s still in bed.

At least mine has made some New Year’s resolutions - reading a hundred books and spending a hundred hours studying poetry.
she was on school 8 am to 4 pm on Friday and had one single lesson when I asked her what she did the other 7 hours she looked at me blankly and said eh? I said what did you do for the other 7 hours??? I know I should be grateful that she’s sitting on 4 A* in autumn assessment for her a levels but FFS 🤦‍♀️ do something even of it is wordle. I have asked her to get her cv and work experience applications in by 5 pm tomorrow to me ….

it is 4 pm and she’s currently painting her toe nails….

Todays been a crap day

daughter is very accusatory towards me - I don’t spend enough time with her or talk to her apparently, when in fact, every time I do, I’m met with disdain

people generally give up trying when they’re pushed away

she may have an element of truth in what she says but it is not on purpose. I just don’t want to poke a bear

I find her to be rude, entitled, Brattish and I rarely bite but I hate always having to be the bigger person.

I worry about her, then I worry about not being close to her

i am sad and at a loss

I feel manipulated and every part of me screams ‘how did we get here?’

You can’t win…@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom I know what you mean about avoiding conflict by avoiding conversation. I never know the reaction I will get

I also avoid conflict with DS16 by not talking. It's like a monastery in here some days. Literally every topic of conversation is picked over, contradicted, argued, criticised etc. Then he accuses me of ignoring him. Sometimes i creepily just sit in the same room. Then he'll launch into his specialist subject and all will be well! He's done zero GCSE revision over xmas and the topic is firmly smacked down every time i offer to help. So I officially give up as it's only causing anxiety.

DD 14 was diagnosed with ASD on the last day of last term. She has been out of school with EBSA , and finally we have reason. I doubt she'll go back to school next week 😫I've applied for EHCNA and Alternative provision, and I've already had a 'no' to start appealing from next week...I'm exhausted with it all..

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom , this sounds familiar. I'm so sorry! Sometimes, though, it has absolutely nothing with what you do or don't do: they feel like they have to pick a fight with someone, and you're there and safe. I find myself still sometimes doing it with my mom, and I am 48!
She knows exactly how to push your buttons, too.

I am really worried about our future relationship.

im sooooo sad.

I feel your pain I really do. I am in the same boat. Solidarity.

Just so you know, I think of all you mommas often!

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom
So glad I'm able to read these threads, I don't feel so alone.
I'm a mum of twin 15yr old girls. Wow, I wish they came with a trouble shooting guide. Both suffer terribly with anxiety.
It has been a year since they have both done a full week at school. One daughter is currently being monitored/tested for Autism and the other is just becoming a total recluse, won't talk to us or go out, always sad. Its heartbreaking to see my once happy and confident girls now becoming two people I don't even know.
They are supposed to be trying to go back to school tomorrow so decided this weekend that I would have 1:1 time with each of them, so yesterday I went out with DD1 and had a lovely day. Today is the turn for DD2 to have a day with me as agreed and now DD1 (possibly autistic one) has just been slamming doors and screaming at me that its going to be a boring day for her before school. She'll do something with her dad but she's now kicking off. DD2 doesn't care about anything and would happily stay in her room and let me take DD1 out again but thats not the point!
I'm banging my head against a wall.
Wish me luck for today! Happy Sunday fellow mums x

@SanitySlowlyGoing I didn't want to read and run. I hope the day is better than you expect from the morning. Stick with your plan, and maybe have a takeaway for dinner and a film/ Traitors binge before bedtime with both of them.

Yeah happy Sunday…..the usual here. DD comes down for breakfast and I start to ask her about her Saturday job yesterday. ‘I can’t be bothered to talk about that’…so then I ask her about college stuff..’ugh can’t be bothered to talk about that’.

fFS…..the college stuff I need to know about but she never wants to discuss. I can’t even make conversation with her at this point though. She just doesn’t want to speak with me.

i have given up trying to speak to her. Guess we will be spending the day in silence.

@Bobsledgirl , this is a strategy that I have implemented with some success. If I need her to do something (and that can include speaking with me for more than a minute), I let her know the day before. I tell her what times would work for me, ask her what would work for her, and set an appointment. I know it sounds silly, but this way she doesn't feel ambushed and I accomplish what I need; it is much better than the alternative (not getting the result and getting really upset about it). Now, I wish I had a teen who was happy to do what I needed from her without all of this, but it is not the case. Of course, this only works as long as I am organized and in an ok mood.

Good idea. I find text messages can work. I just miss having a chat!

OMG I have found my people! Haven't got any updates, just so so SO grateful I'm not alone - and so sorry we're all going through this.

Did anyone else see Zagazoo on tv? I've loved the book for years but hadn't seen the animated version before. My DH and I chuckled wryly when Zagazoo slumped through the kitchen with headphones on, cleared the fridge out, and left, grunting incoherently.

Thing is, Zagazoo does eventually turn into "a young man with impeccable manners"... so maybe there is hope for us all?!

Oh gosh @SanitySlowlyGoing twins sounds so hard if they’re both struggling. What happened today, did you make it out with dd2?

@Bobsledgirl what’s the issue with college? Is she not doing the work or not attending?

Not sure that I do love my DD at the moment. She's so mean. Not a person I like. I'm at fault too. But ...

Let kick them all out and send them to a camp where they have to fend for themselves.

@bendmeoverbackwards I stuck to my plan. I went out with DD2 and DD1 seemed to just deal with it.
I'm dreading the morning. I have no idea if either will make it in to school tomorrow x

College issue is that she has work to do to a deadline. Also needs to do a UCAS form. She’s procrastinating because she doesn’t know what to do. But she won’t even discuss.

shes so full of it. As if her going to uni doesn’t concern me. When I’m the one paying gif most of it!