Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens PART 2

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

Again, just a friendly place to liaise (or lament?!) with other parents who are trying their best to navigate the ups and downs of raising teens 😳

no judgy pants here so don’t worry about that!

Can’t you just tell her you don’t. Trust is earnt not demanded ? Or is that trying to stroke a T rex?

Lol to trying to stroke a T rex

THAT IS THE BEST EVER DESCRIPTION of most interactions with my daughter!

Sadly you can buy any drug at all from Snapchat

@melchim not your fault. Schools fault. Private is better. They actually have to work.

@Rocksonabeach good description!

Mine, often complains she can’t do the washing up as her ‘arms hurt’ that’s where the T Rex but came from. But some mornings- it’s like ‘morning darling do you want a hot chocolate’- and it is like watching a T Rex eye you up (not in a good way) before it hops in the bathroom and you don’t dare repeat your question after not getting an answer. You make one without an answer as whatever you do (after all you didn’t hear an answer) will be WRONG - make a hot chocolate or jumps on you and gets mad …. and says I didn’t say I wanted one. Don’t make one or it’s too hot and the T Rex gets mad…..

Either way it is like trying to deal with a T Rex constantly and it’s a lose lose situation 😂

if you think it’s only state schools where teens are difficult them you’re deluded.

Weed is available all over. My dd has several kids in her year who put it on snap. They can get it in vapes that don't even smell anymore.

Money can be Christmas money, pocket money or a part time job.
The psych actually discussed with me its better to have some money or they get into debt and steal etc.

See if I refused to give my daughter a lift anywhere sgw would be fine about it. I actually want her to go out as she has mental health issues and ASD.

My 15yo is driving me crazy. I've taken her phone and charger whilst she's asleep. Last night she decided to have a shower late after being grumpy that I was watching tv and she couldn't watch her choice. The hairdryer was going at nearly 1am keeping me away along with the doors constantly clicking with her going in and out of the bathroom. I had to be up at 6.30am so I wasn't impressed. It's like a switch has been flicked with her and she's just become an entitled selfish brat overnight.

Eugh. Not easy, I’m sorry, that sucks

That’s tough to deal with for you if she’s not accepting it. There is a little bit of support out there for you, try the National Autistic Society who can signpost local resources which IME are a bit more tailored than the ones NAS itself provides.

I did lose my sh1t with DD over the Christmas holidays when she told me she didn’t think she could cope with everything that was planned that day (two things, both for her, but included a little light making an effort on her part). Ended up very calmly explaining how much we put into making her life work, and how she needs to try things or she will never be able to do anything. And yes she will fail/get it wrong, but she will learn. To be fair to her, when it went wrong before she experienced a massive mental health crisis so I’m not surprised she’s staying in her comfort zone. But she has to understand the value of trying. It’s difficult as well understanding what is the autism and what is the teenage stuff.

”Stroking the T-Rex”, so accurate!

Yes, mine lied too, on several occasions. It took a while to regain some trust. I still question her a lot more than my natural inclination would be. I do trust her more than I did six months ago, so there is hope.

Hello. First time posting. I don't even know where to start. I feel like I am grieving the 'loss' of my little girl now she is a full on hideous teen. She can be nice - very infrequently - but mostly she is sullen, uncommunicative, lazy and glued to that bloody phone. She glares at me most of the time and I can't get her to talk to me. Her room is an utter, utter pigsty I am not exaggerating. Do I clean it - leave it - what do I do because she would live in that filth for ever I think. I feel like she is in constant battle with me and her dad - all we ever do is try and ensure she has a nice, happy life but I feel we are constantly failing and home is just hard bloody work. I could cry even thinking about it. I have older boys and they were never like this!

Yes the never ending issue of messy rooms…..I have given up on it. It’s absolutely disgusting though.

And yes you are mourning a loss. I realised that a while ago. It’s so hard.

@Bobsledgirl I had the same. But try to back off a bit. If it's homework it's probably true. They go to the park in the summer and smoke weed.

Hi Everyone, I hope I can join, yet sorry to hear so many of you are also struggling.
I have a dd (15) adhd with PDA. She had EBSA a couple of years ago after a MH crisis, and had been doing really well but after a her first relationship breakdown in Dec, she has taken a huge step back towards self destruction.
She's made some absolutely stupid decisions which will ultimately hurt her in the long run, but the impulsivness to get a dopamine hit through a Snapchat post is too strong.
I took her phone away from her for 8 hours yesterday which helped, but I don't know how to get her to start eating again. It's been a month since she had a proper meal, but I find her PDA means I have to be as low demand as possible and 'hope' she eats something on the plate of food we give her.
She is absolutely lovely, funny, and beautiful but is her own worst enemy.
I am dreading the first day back at school in case she decides to destroy that too.

Also it's her b day coming up, and we've always found that she is a lot more anxious around her birthday...maybe expectations, change, and a milestone are all too much.

The room thing is exhausting isn't it! I have shut the door on it today - but then I feel guilty for not doing it and her having to be in the crap hole .. but I guess she'll never learn if I continually do it for her

I am sorry to hear you are struggling too.

My daughter sounds very similar age 15 still ESBA.

My dd is surviving on Pringles and chicken nuggets at the minute. She is so skinny I am just glad she has calories half of the time. She has real food sensory issues.

It is really hard. Solidarity.

I have cracked and done my daughters today. Oh the crumbs and the dust and the packets. Horrific.

@Newtonianmechanics thank you.

Absolutely bring on the Pringles and chicken nuggets, when they're not happy to eat generally.

My dd usually can't resist a Lidl Pretzel or Mango, but even these just cause a sad look at the moment. She's started marching again too. I used to think it was a calorie burning thing, but I think it's a bit like a tic / comfort.

Hoping this thread is for anyone with a teen?
Mine is 13 always been a lovely boy but after lots of passive aggressive behaviour over a couple of years even I was at the GPs crying sobbing!

It's such a rejection,although he's not actually been too bad ,it's the whole growing up thing that hurts.
His words have hurt.

Trying to look at all the positives though because there are plenty.

Things have settled down after I explained to him how he was making me feel.

@Newtonianmechanics i have a very realistic rubber rat.. I am SO tempted to put it in her room under all the grime 😂

I think it is, the marching, like a coping mechanism.

Good idea

Mine keeps rats so she'd be delighted with that...