Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

Will she go out anywhere with you?

Occasionally. We went for a country walk in the summer. However I work full time and she is at sixth form. Works her part time job and sees her friends. She doesn’t actually have much time so I only see her in the house.

We occasionally go for a pizza as a family but she’s less and less interested in that. She’s 18 in a few months. I know she’s living her life. I just would like her to be nicer to me I guess!

@Bobsledgirl I really feel for you and I understand 100% how you feel. I am lucky that my daughter can go to her dads for a few days to give us space, although she’s told everyone I’ve thrown her out, I’m abusive etc etc (I asked her to go to her dads after she physically assaulted me and was smashing the house up in front of her 8 year old sister. Didn’t even raise my voice)!! It’s so hard because we really want to get through to them on an emotional level and to make them see how much pain they’re causing but I have found it is completely pointless. They don’t seem able or willing to see it. The only thing I have found even remotely helpful is to remind myself that their brains aren’t fully developed until they’re 25. And also prioritising myself a bit more, thinking about how the interaction is going to make me feel. My 16dd was at her dads for an hour before they’d have a massive row and he’d taken her phone, she’s also not speaking to her older sister so I can at least tell myself it’s not me! I wonder if you can just take some time for yourself, do something nice, meet friends. Something to remind yourself that you’re a good person and you’re doing a good job, and we will all get there in the end! Sending a big hug.

Thank you. And thank you for the hug!

You are not wrong ! Sadly!

I think doing things to help ourselves is really key.

I would find it so easy to be totally overwhelmed by everything that's happening but I need stuff for me.

I've still been going to the gym and basically carving out time away from the drama. It means I can reset then go back and keep going.

@Bobsledgirl I totally understand about how your own mental health is suffering. I feel at times that I am loosing it. It feels like an abusive relationship. I actually think I need to see someone to talk about how to move forward. My DD is utterly awful towards me, feels zero remorse for vile language directed at me and I genuinely think I could die and she wouldn't care a jot! I honestly don't know how she turned out like this. Apparently yesterday was Daughters Day and it made me really sad as we used to be close when she was younger but now we have zero relationship. I really try to do nice things with her/for her but she's not interested at all in being in the space as me.... I can only hope over time things improve . I really hope the best for everyone going through similar. We will get through it somehow.

She goes nowhere with us. She did go away on holiday. For two weeks. She has just come home and shouted.

I hope we all survive this horrible time. At least we know we’re not alone.

Teen girls can be bullies. I feel bullied.

I do too very often.

🤪😢🥰

You have 3 OP. Surely 1 is better now. Do you have DD's or DS's or both. Which is worse? X

I have both sexes.

hands down my daughter is the hardest to parent. I adore her but woah, it’s like we run on different operating systems.

Wish I'd had more than 1 and wish I'd had a boy. I think a boy would have been more loving and easier. The whole house dynamic would be better at teen dom. Are your boys not helping you deal with the teen girl? Hopefully they hig you and love you.

I have 2 boys, 1 girl. My DD is hands down the worst / hardest to parent ! Eldest DS was seriously challenging but he wasn't nasty in the same way at all. Middle DS was / is a piece of cake!! Not sure where I went wrong! Was not ready for DD to turn so so nasty....

Do your daughters answer their phones?

@Flyhigher rarely , which is infuriating seeing as I pay her bill! And if she calls me (usually only to ask for money or a favour) then she gets mad if I cannot answer when I am at work! Oh what fun parenting is! Wish I had stuck to dogs to be honest!!

Glad it's not just mine. I think I'd rather have a challenge than nasty. Easy to say I guess. Harder to live with.

Exactly the same here. 😘

Wish I'd had a dog instead. She was amazing from 4 till 10. But since then hell. And I think hell from now on.

I'm on my knees. My autistic 21 y/o son treats like I'm a pariah and my 14 yo dd is a fucking rollercoaster and my poor 18 y/o ds is stuck in the middle. . I'm literally on my knees. Right now I just feel like jumping off a bridge.

@Flyhigher Teen girls are bullies. I actually said to my 16dd on Monday that I am sick of being bullied by her, if anyone else treated me the way she does I would accuse them of being abusive and cut them out of my life! I have 3 daughters so I have no experience of boys but teenage girls are another level of difficult. My eldest is 19 now, she was hell from 13 - 15, things are a bit better now but can still be very challenging. 16dd has been horrific for about 4 years and things only seem to be getting worse… I feel totally beaten down by it. I said to my best friend yesterday that I feel like giving up. Just letting her do what she wants, stopping her allowance, stop making any effort at all. Just leave her at her dads and later on she can deal with the fallout from all her dreadful decisions and unpleasant behaviour. Best friend told me that was a terrible idea because deep down (deep deep deep deep down) they still want our love and guidance and need us to hold on!

I was a typical teenager, pushed boundaries, was messy, wanted to do my own thing. I wasn’t rude or deliberately hurtful to my mum though. We don’t have a great relationship though. That’s because she didn’t deal with me that well. We rowed constantly, she read my diary, she called me names, basically said exactly what what she wanted to me. So I am very conscious that I don’t want to act like my own mum did. I see myself doing it at times….the shouting etc.

I need to respond in a different way to my mum. Calm, consistent. I need to walk away from drama. Take the good days, ignore the bad. I need to stop feeling so hurt. It’s bloody hard though.

She's not too bad about this. She lets me know when she'll be home, especially if it's later than her curfew (but I can't trust her to tell me the truth about who she's with or where; I no longer ask for details unless it's really important, because knowing that she's lying makes me feel terrible, and they are such unnecessary lies). She replies to my queries, though sometimes in a few hours and not right away. If I text repeatedly, she does respond in a timely manner, but I try not to do that.
If I don't respond right away when she wants me, she gets mad. Also if I specifically tell her I'm in a meeting, she just forgets. I should be at her beck and call at all times.