Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

I'm pretty sure DD went to the cinema with a boy she'd only met two days previously under the pretence that she was going with a few friends. The reason for lying is that we have a rule not to meet up with someone alone that you barely know, she is 17 but she has ASD and can be easily led. She came out of cinema just with him it was then I sussed from afar, but didnt say anything. She was a bit upset/moody when she gotin car but didnt want to talk. Not sure if it was related or she was just moody!! Not sure how to handle this one or just let it go. ....

Just wanted to pop in and wish luck and calm to those whose teens are starting GCSEs today.
We've already had a meltdown here, luckily no exam untill 1.30. DDs school are getting them to come in as normal and do revision sessions before exams or after if they have one morning only. Some little shit of a boy in year 8 decided to walk up behind DD as she sat reading a brand new book and poured a bottle.of fruit flavour water over her, drenched the beanie she wears too calm herself and the book. She is embarrassed as she had a meltdown and her hair is wet and sticky. School are dealing with it though but little git.

Thank you @ReformedWaywardTeen and I’m so sorry about what happened to your dd. It’s so hard to fathom some of these actions. I hope her exam went ok.

Hand hold everyone. One mom telling me. (the gut) that she told her kids not to behave like mine. I did not blink. She has no clue what is going to hit her.

Half term has been tough. DS (17) has been vile -told me there is literally nothing he likes about us - using some very choice words - and can't wait until he can move out The atmosphere at home is toxic and I hate to say it but I'm starting to feel that way too and it's heartbreaking to feel that way about your own son
He's planning to go travelling when he finishes his exams next year as he has no idea what he wants to do (part of the problem I'm sure) I hope to god he will grow up and also work out what he wants to do with his life as he's just so lost, angry & bloody entitled! Hopefully the time apart will do us good and we can rebuild some sort of relationship long distance and properly when he's back. Just give me strength for this next year or so.

@lechatnoir
It’s a bumpy road to adulthood. It definitely sounds like you all need space and time apart. You aren’t on your own in loving your child but finding their behaviour difficult to tolerate but you’re doing a good job. He’s on the pathway to take exams and has plans to travel. That’s something.

"he has no idea what he wants to do"
@lechatnoir this is the root cause of his unhappiness and behaviour. Its nothing to do with you. He needs to find himself and the travelling will help.
I'm sorry is being so tough atm.

Im glad my eldest DD14 has finished her exams today. Anxiety levels have been high for the last week.

We've found Rizlas and a lighter for the second time in DD13's bag. First time she said she was hiding them for a friend. So either she's being helpful again... or (obviously more likely) she lied.

Plus is it normal roll-ups, or weed? Worried it's the latter. Surely there would be a packet of tobacco otherwise?

I don't know how to handle it. She hasn't shown any signs of smoking anything - doesn't smell of it - but likelihood is she has.

Do we ground her - for the likely lying? Would that change anything? DH has a lot on his plate and the moment and hates this kind of situation. Think he'd be happier with a stern telling off. But is that enough?

@AlwaysSomethingWithTeens - what did you decide re the smoking paraphernalia? It’s so hard to know how to discipline.

we have had a tricky week with DS (14). He totally refused school one day this week so I took the day off and we walked a really long way and he seemed to have a head reset. However he was sobbing about school again last night and I suspect we are going to have another refusal this morning. I am awake just feeling sick with the anticipation of it already. He says he just feels distant from all his friends and that none of them want him there. I suspect it is all in his v anxious mind but he won’t hear it of course. The added fun we have is that when he is in a v dark place like this he uses his diabetes as a weapon and threatens suicide or serious harm with it - which he could very easily carry out. I am just tired.

What did you do? Have just had this today... exact same excuse - one I can remember saying myself so I told DS I was wholly unconvinced and I needed to speak to the friend. Cue lots of frantic snap chatting. It transpires not only was he 'holding fags' for someone else but that he was also drinking alcohol with friends today. Ugh... rather a lot to uncover for one day.

@barlie and @Libre2 - delay in replying partly because of other stuff, but also because it had gone quiet. We'd had one other incident where a group of them were found to have vapes - and gave the same excuse to a different parent. I did think DD must have tried them but did believe they belonged to other kids - mainly because I've been checking her bag regularly and hadn't found anything.

Only I just did. One of those small easily hidden vapes - yes I did go through all the pockets. It's an illegal one too.

DH away, though leaves this kind of thing to me so not sure there's any point waiting.

Long way of saying I don't have a good answer. What did you both do?

Tbh it's all gone to shit this week. DH is being a dick and older DD is festering after GCSEs. Can't decide if it's normal teen laziness or an MH issue.

My DD is also festering post-GCSEs. Spending lots of time in her room looking at Instagram and Snapchat, wishing her life was like that but saying no to any invitation.

Looks like she won't be going to her prom, not because she doesn't want to, she really does, but because she's got herself into a state about not being able to find what she considers to be the perfect dress. Her friends will be in H&M, so it's not peer pressure, just her.

Also announced that she isn't going to come on holiday or on any of the weekends away that we've planned.

We've had a few really difficult years with her and I'm honestly at the end of my tether/out of ideas about how to support her.

Plus I want to go away and on holiday, but she's too young to stay by herself and there isn't anywhere else she can stay. I only booked a decent week's holiday because she's said for years that she wants to go to Italy - if it was up to me, I'd rather not fly.

So depressed by it all, feel so trapped and helpless.

I'm sorry @Windowcleaning - it's tough. Sounds like you're bearing the brunt of her uncertainty over what comes next. Maybe the holiday just has to be presented as a done deal - it's paid for and no other option. It would probably help her to get away. Hopefully you too.

I had a good chat with older DD. Fingers crossed that will be ok. God knows how I get through to the younger one though.

I just found this thread and it feels good to realise others are going through the same drama with their teens. Have had a very rocky, worrying couple of years with my DD and it has almost broken me. BUT reading others posts it really helps to know you are going through similar stuff. I have blamed myself a lot, made myself sick with worry and stress. We are still very much in the throes of it all but at least I am not alone!

Yes agree with AlwaysSomethingwithteens - a holiday might do her good, maybe a compromise of letting her have her own space. DD2 often complains about holidays/days out and yes there are usually moans - but also good times and she will kind of half admit that she was glad she came! I hear you on the moping about too since finishing - mine's applying for jobs as she dislikes being at home alone, also we've put a time limit on social media - otherwise she'd be on it all day!!

@Windowcleaning snap here re dd and prom. I have driven myself mad over trying to help her. She has this thing about automatically rejected any dress I have shown her/bought even just suggested

I don’t know why my post is underlined 😂

Anyway we have been looking for a dress since March. I’ve taken her to 4 shops (one shop twice so 5 trips in total). I currently have 8 dresses on my sofa which dd has rejected (even though one is practically identical to one she liked). Last Friday I did a tour of prom dress shops in Hertfordshire while dd was at home getting ready for a sleepover. She has been rude and ungrateful with no thanks for all the effort I have gone to. Tonight was the final straw with her comments about my ‘shitty dresses’ (the ones I have at home ordered online). I had been wanting to make it happen for her but now I’m just so hurt and upset I’m starting to care less.

but is the issue the dress, or lack of confidence that any dress will look nice (to her standards).

You are more patient than me, because I definitely would be. “You have a wide selection, you look great in any/all of them. We both know this isn’t about the dress so the discussion is over- make a choice: puck a dress or decide not to go and never speak of it again.”

Just popping in as I'm having a stress with my 17yo dd, she's been with her boyfriend a while and I've been telling her to sort contraception but she told me they weren't having sex.

Now her period is late.... 😕

I've bought some pregnancy tests and am feeling sick.

Bloody teenagers 😫

So happy I found this thread! My 16 year old DD has turned into a horror almost overnight. Smoking weed, vaping, drinking and I don’t know how to manage it because if I say anything she just goes to her dad who thinks it’s all totally fine. She had prom Friday, stayed out all night and only came home at 5pm on Saturday then kicked off for hours because I said she couldn’t go out and stay over at another party because she had a gig in London on the Sunday. Anyway, long story short she ended up fainting at the gig and had to be carried out by security because she’d ignored all the advice I gave her (apparently she no longer needs parenting and I’m ruining her life) and pushed her body too far. She’s meant to be going to Reading festival which I’m not happy about but her dad (who I’m divorced from) has paid for her ticket and is taking her. She has gone from a sweet, funny, kind girl to arrogant, rude, mean and entitled. 19 year old came home from uni last week and won’t speak to her sister because she’s so rude, and then cried on me and said she hates being home because of the atmosphere. I feel like I’m failing everyone, have totally lost control and just a crap mum!

Should say - her dad is just dropping her to reading. She’s going with a group of people I’ve never met!

Just to say I feel for you. Similar issues here and the rudeness and ungratefulness (is that a word?! ) is heart breaking. I literally can do NOTHING right. She is a total bitch to me and it really really hurts. I am going away without her on Thursday and cannot wait, mostly to be away from the rudeness and general nastiness.

@Tiggy321 its the worst isn’t it? This weekend I’ve paid for her prom dress, shoes, bag, nails, hair. Paid for her gig ticket and train tickets to London. Took her and a friend into London in 30 degree heat because they weren’t confident on the tube, gave them money for food and yet apparently everything I do is annoying, she hates me, she’s never hated anyone as much as me, I’m overbearing and stopping her from living her life. I’ve just gone to wake her and I was actually dreading it, dreading the thought of her being up and in the house. Doesn’t help that I’m also trying to sell the house after the last buyers pulled out the day before exchange but getting no interest, my mum has just been put onto palliative chemo and I’ve fractured my shoulder so I’m in almost constant pain! Trying to rise above, but it’s so hard! I’m really glad you’re getting a break and some time to yourself, I hope you get time to relax and focus on yourself. Mine goes to her dads for the weekend on Friday and I’m counting down the days!!