Just a friendly hand hold for any other mums of teens

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I've 3.

It's a 'journey'.

Just in case anyone wants to know another trying her best mum is thinking of them

Not really - sadly he aspires to a certain image and lifestyle (all a bit 'street' and 'gangsta') which is a world away from how he's been brought up and who he is. I'm praying it's just a phase he's going through. He's a bright boy and when he was younger was always singing and dancing about. Now he's monosyllabic and just wants to be out with his mates - or one in particular. Some of the others seem to have fallen away and I wonder if it's because they aren't into the smoking he seems to have taken to. I'm happy he came home early and delighted he clearly hasn't smoked so he does listen to a degree. We've said the new rules apply up until the xmas break and will be reviewed pending his school report - we haven't grounded him completely because I do think he needs to socialise a bit (he found lockdown very difficult) thank you so much for responding everyone, it really helps to know I'm not alone and I don't like to discuss this too much in RL. I hope I can be of support to others in the same position too. Have a lovely weekend all.

@ladygoingGaga - I know exactly this feeing of hopelessness. One day a few weeks ago I was getting ready for work and just couldn't stop crying I felt so hopeless. My DS has also had episodes of depression - i did speak to the school and he's on the waiting list for counsellors - they said that this year 11 group has seen the biggest demand for MH support they have ever seen. I think you just need to try and stay calm and positive, talk to him when he wants to talk and take care of yourself too. As with everything in life this period will pass. (That's what I am telling myself, anyway!) lots of love to you, from a fellow worried mum!

For anyone going through the “weed“ phase, I totally freaked myself out by listening to some neuroscience on the damages caused by weed on the teenage brain (depression, memory issues, psychosis, the lot!)
After that, I remembered some male school friends who had definitely overindulged too. Reconnected with them - one is a successful judge, another a politician, a third an accountant (of all things!) They had a good laugh when we chatted. So not all is lost. The judge had a chat with the boy in question. It helped.

Trying to not go outside and scream at the moment.
DS got a 5 in his physics mock without any revision and thinks that's all he needs to do, he's happy with a pass. He's always been in the top set for everything but won't put in any work at all. I really hope he steps up for his next mocks. He wants to go to a Russell group uni and won't accept he has to put in some effort. I don't know what words to use any more.

Thank you for posting this, that is very reassuring. We've had another chat today and I 'think' he was hearing me...it's a roller coaster and I'll take the good days when I get them!

Snuggleworm

totally agree. I know that the way I posted it sounds a bit harsh. It wasn't quite like that. Fortunately I know the mum, and contacted her so that she could get her dc help. We had several chats over several days with dd about how she was supporting her friend. Basically commending her, but also saying that it is a lot, she is only 13, and her friend needs professional help. She agreed and said it was too much for her. We then chatted with friend and friend's mum, and we all agreed that while dd would continue to support, she would come to us when it was serious/too much and we would step in, contact mum etc, so that the weight of it was not on dds shoulders. In the meantime the friend began with a psychiatrist.
There were several times when we stepped in. Including one when we had to wake little sister up as it was 1 am, mum was asleep and friend was self harming. Little sister had a phone in her room and answered it, and went to get mum. It was a very scary time for them all.
And through it all dd was having her own mental health issues and was in crisis herself.

Teen mental health leaves me feeling so helpless

I feel sooooo flat today.

like I’ve nothing much left to give to my 3 teens.

it’ll pass I’m sure.

😞

Ah sorry you're feeling like this, some days are so crap! Know it is very wearing , you are doing everything you can. I've felt like the worst mum this week with various stuff going on with DS13, but bloody hell I'm trying so hard and so are you! I've actually said to DS, 'I'm going to get it wrong sometimes, I love you but we are going to clash, and you won't always like what I'm saying to you, but one day you will know I did it for the right reasons' other days I just swear at him! Hopefully some of it will have gone in, and he will remember if not now, then at some point. Your kids will know they are loved. I now remember how horrible I was sometimes to my Mum as a teen, but I also needed her and the love was underneath the hormones and anger. Put this day behind you, start again tomorrow.

You’re kind. I just want to run away! Who wants to join me 😬😁

There’s a nice coffee shop near me, I’ll treat you guys to anything you’d like!

I’ll have soup, soda bread, chocolate cake and a cuppa.

then I’ll take you all to the pub - without your mobiles so you’re not contactable - how’s this sounding 😃

Oh I need this thread! DS is 18 and in first year at university and DD is 15 and autistic.

DS just sent me texts about how he's had an academic wanting for missing a tutorial and a class test. I know he's under huge pressure as he competes at a high level in a sport and his girlfriend is insisting he visits her at weekends and mid week (plus has given him a list of rules for what he can and cannot do 😢) All I can do is try not to push him away but I worry.

DD goes to a mainstream school but the price we pay is having to live with her strict rules at home. So I'm not getting enough sleep and I'm shattered

You have an automatic entry ticket to my coffee shop free afternoon out my love!

why is it soooooo bloody hard!?

I'll see you at the pub....

Your coffee shop trip sounds perfect. It's hard when they contact you, and you end up worried but they are feeling fine because they have transferred all the worry into you!!

@megletthesecond
I had the same with my DS, is a bright and capable boy, was predicted top grades, his attitude was “a pass will do” and put the very minimum in he had too.
I had months of it worrying me, buying all the revision books, going through revision techniques with him, however he saw it as pressure.

It is so hard, you desperately want the best for them, see their potential, however they need to find it themselves.

@Emsb2022 that was great advise.

Would love to join the coffee shop trip hahaha
My DD13 is having exams soon and she is doing some revision but I know she could do so much more if she wanted to. So difficult to get the balance right and not to end up helicoptering. If they could only see how real life looks like, the impact of what they are doing now in a few years' time....aaarg!

*advice

would love to join your coffee shop.
Can it also we in a time warp, so I get an afternoon out, but don't miss any time, so that I don;t have to catch up on everything when I get back!

Would love to join the coffee shop trip too!

My DD14 just feels out of control at the moment, being out all day at the weekend and out every week night, coming in way after we said, vaping constantly including in her bedroom (probably drinking when out too) doing no school work after school, hanging round with a gang of older boys in our village. We have tried grounding, taking the phone, pleading, shouting, nothing works. My DS17 is autistic (but completely opposite to DD) and I’m beginning to think DD is too. The final straw was her calling me a cu*t yesterday because she came in an hour later than agreed and I was annoyed. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been into the school previously, they’ve arranged for her to see a student mentor and she’s had one session so far but I’ve no idea how to handle any of it.

@Turquoisesea

That sounds very hard.

IMO your dd is unhappy about something. That's why she rebels but can you find out the issue. It's so hard

I was fed up as dd missed her morning lessons today AGAIN and when I drive her in at lunch she didn't speak one single word and just shut the car door on me.

Feel very used and fed up.

I thought my DD was better but is increasingly anxious/friends issues.

I feel for you all!

@HeBeaverandSheBeaver yes she is definitely unhappy but just trying to work out why. It’s very hard.

sooooo hard - I’m sorry and I empathise! We’re we this hard to bring up ? 😣

right ladies. Coffee shop booked. Time warp in place.

i hope you don’t mind but I booked spa treatments for us all too; I’m having a massage and a facial.

what would you guys like?

Indian head massage please 🙏

I would like all the gin please...and tips for an 18yo DD experiencing first heartbreak.

She's only been with the BF a few months but he's been messing her about for the last few weeks and it finally ended last night.

That is all I know...she won't tell me what happened or what was said and obviously I'm not pushing it. She has basically been sobbing since 11pm last night (and she's not a cryer). Won't engage with anything, doesn't know what to do with herself.

Her friend is picking her up for college shortly so hoping seeing her might perk her up a bit.

Aside from letting her sleep in with me last night and planning her favourite lasagne for dinner this evening I'm at a loss.