Parents of teens & young adults ~ pursuing our own priorities after two decades of parenting!

[Calafsidentity]

Leading on from this discussion and much as we love our DCs & DPs, this is the thread where some of us parents of teens (POTs) who've had our fill of parenting drudgery & 'wife work' can support one another to move towards a life where we (depending on the life stage we're at) can prepare to, or finally put ourselves, near or at the top of the priority list after a couple of decades of facilitating the needs and wants of others, and where we encourage and help one another to develop our own individual passions, priorities, purposeful plans and pet projects which have, prior to this point, been put on the back burner!

Welcome everyone and good luck!

I feel for you, as it is quite scary I think doing these things alone. Much easier to go as two and then if you don't like it you can laugh with each other.
Have you thought about putting an appeal out among friends to see if any others wnat to go too? friend x for festival and friend y for weekend in Paris.
I think there must be others in your situation who would alos like company.
I think also of my friend whose dh will NOT travel, and she would love someone to do a city break with.

Ds1 has spent the day stressing about an important piece of work that hadn't been marked...

He got his mark (he's happy) but it's still not showing on the online platform so he's got to contact student services tomorrow.

Then dh has come home from work ill :(

It's been a bit of a crappy day. Hope it's not a bug :(

Joining this inspiring thread

Hi everyone! And welcome to more newcomers!

I'm afraid I am still having issues with using Mumsnet since the relaunch. I"ve just composed a long post replying to individual posters but after about ten minutes I got a black screen popping up saying "oops" with the Mumsnet logo on it! It's intensely annoying and have reported!

Back soon once this has been sorted! In the meantime, good luck with all of your new pursuits!

Band tonight.

I'm really hoping that I get there and there is a sax waiting for me....

Ridiculously excited.
And just to encourage you all. I'm not a great muscian, not got a good ear, but Iike playing. I play guitar and played clarinet as a kid.
I joined band alongside dd1. She now plays a tuba, and I play a baritone horn. I started learning that at age 50 and play in the brass band at carnivals and concerts and stuff (we are a local all inclusive band. The good players carry us rubbish ones 😂)
I have always dreamt of playing a sax, so I am going to learn it, and then switch to sax in band. I am really excited.
new instrument at age 55 😀

Hope the new sax goes well steppemum!

I joined a choir four years ago. We kept going over zoom for 18 months over lockdown. We had our first proper concert on Tuesday - it was fantastic (well I'm not sure the singing was, but the feeling of singing together was brilliant!)

(Hoping this posts ok)

Go for it Steppemum! 💪

I went to Rock choir for the first time today and really enjoyed it so will be signing up for that. I'm hoping that the more I push myself to meet new people the easier it will get and hopefully I'll get some new friends. I very nearly didn't go this morning, I've become really under confident over the last two years or so.

Well done to those of you trying new things, wish i was as brave

Are you in Australia ssd? (Apologies if I am confusing you with someone else).

Sorry for posting twice before, this thread is great, nice to hear from people going through the same stuff. It’s like the cancer support thread, the best of Mumsnet (unlike AIBU 😁).

Well done @Recycledblonde it would have been so easy to duck out of it. I know I'll be nervous on Tuesday when book club comes round.

@steppemum glad you enjoyed band.

Well done @Recycledblonde - there is something amazing about singing in a group with others. It seems to give you extra energy or something - pleased you are going to continue.

Not in Australia sadly

Hey again everyone, not been on MN for a while as I can't use it on my phone since the relaunch (to be fair, this may be due to my phone rather than the site itself!) also can't type full stops which is really annoying! Keyboard fine on Word and everywhere else but not MN for some reason!

Anyways, it's really inspiring reading about what everyone else is planning on doing

I am planning on going for a walk along the coast on Sunday morning, and if the DDs and DP don't want to come, that's fine, I'll just go on my own, I always feel like I have to plan things for everyone else which is a bit ridiculous, although that's partly because if I don't plan things for them they'll mostly stay indoors playing games (I include DP in that)

Hello everyone! Just checking in to see how everyone is getting on?
I'm going to attempt some short posts in the hope that they post ok!

I hope you had a lovely walk on Sunday NoraLuka!

Good luck with your book club today Octopus37!

Welcome to Flatandhappy 👋

And it's really great you pushed through and enjoyed your choir Recycledblonde really pleased for you! It IS scary doing this stuff after our focus has been on others so much.

And hope you enjoy your next band practice Steppemum!

I had a nice weekend actually.
Lots of time to clean (boo), spend on the garden, read, potter around bookshops.
Back to it today though.
School run shortly, then taking mum food shopping (always a delight!) Then back to help ds1 edit an essay due today.
Then I might get back into my new novel...
Have a good day folks

For my part i have this last weekend (drum roll) marked out a vegetable patch and have given instructions to a young lad in the area to fence it for me and my next step is constructing some massive compost bins. But late in the season but what the heck, I will grow pumpkins this year and some easy thing like courgettes, and I will be all set for next year.

Not exactly earth shattering but it's been something I've been wanting to do for literally decades. I haven't asked "permission" I have just done it. And will be constructing a wildlife pond this autumn too.

And inspired by this thread, I have been "selfish" over food. Everyone living in my household, or coming home to my household from university, is now an adult capable of shopping and cooking for themselves. They are not going to starve. I have provided good, nutritious meals for 22 years, all tailored to their likes and dislikes. I am not doing it any more. They are welcome to eat what I have prepared but I am no longer going to compromise in what I want buy at the supermarket or cook at home. Like others on here, I think it was Velvet24 I have almost forgotten what I like to eat and used to come back from the shops with everything everyone else liked!

From now on, if I do prepare anything for my family it will be because I fancy cooking it, it will not be prepared out of obligation. And you know what, again this is not earth shattering, but I am enjoying eating again and I have, counter-intuitively, lost a bit of weight! We were in such a rut with food previously and I was so bored with it all, I think I just ate because it was there. Now I am being more mindful about it and enjoying my salads and seafood, and am altogether more enthusiastic about eating.

Going to catch up with the rest of the thread now - fingers crossed the posting glitches have been sorted by Mumsnet HQ - and read back about what everyone else has been up to!

Sending everyone on here a good dollop of courage to help them carry out their own projects & pursuits this week!

Good luck and hope you have a lovely day too ChiswickFlo and that you get to ring fence some time for yourself while doing so much for others Maybe move the novel up the priority list, so it doesn't fall off the bottom?

Seeline that's great to read about your choir!

A belated welcome to SheilaFentiman and any other newcomers I may have missed during the relaunch glitches.

Argh, spoke too soon, just got the "oops" message and the black screen again but managed to post last bit! What's going on I wonder? When I reported the problem, Mumsnet asked me to film and send to them, but by definition it would take 15/20 mins to do which won't be possible to send will it?

Your plans sound amazing! ;)

Well hello everyone. What a lovely idea for a thread. It's such a pivotal time is t it?

I have one DD23 still at home but working and saving to leave, DS19 at uni and determined not to move back afterwards.

I'm currently on a break from working (after 40 years of work) and deciding whether to go back into employment or scrape by until pensions kick in. DH is on day 1 of not working after retiring from his career after 20 years. He's determined to work again and is in the throes of setting up a new business.

I'm a bit discombobulated to say the least.

Nice to meet you all

Right, reverting back to short posts!

Potplant agree it is quite confronting when you have talked about doing something for years, the time creeps up on you and all of a sudden, it's now or never. It really makes you think about who you are and what you want to do, or be, and that's difficult after putting family first for so many years! Even more so when you are doing it solo. Hope you can find the right path for yourself and maybe start small with a few not-so-scary trips out and adventures? Start with a couple of day trips, or a weekend and build up? Or go on one of those field study holidays where you can join others doing eco-surveys, archeological digs, studying painting or whatever? Whatever takes your fancy?

Carving out 'me time' and abandoning family cooking will have to wait a bit for me - 4 weeks to go until A level exams start and youngest is getting a bit stressed to say the least! I think it's particularly stressful as she was the cohort just about to do GCSEs as covid struck and were just left hanging. She has no idea how a prolonged period of exams works. I think if I told her she was to cook her own meals now things might just explode....

Thanks ChiswickFlo! This thread is helping a lot!

Wow catwomando welcome! Good to "meet" you too! You have certainly chosen a significant moment to join when you and your family are going through so much change! It really does make you reassess oneself, others, relationships, what we want to do with the rest of our lives ...it's really quite confronting ... especially now that we (sorry to be morbid!) have less time left than we had, as it concentrates the mind! No wonder you are feeling discombobulated! How do you feel not working after forty years? Are you enjoying your break? Or are you feeling a bit stressed by everything?

A belated hello to MrsDanversBroom

Great idea for a thread. I think it is hard to admit to other people that you are tired of being a mother. My kids are only 11 and 15 and I feel drained. It is not so much the work with them, it is the constant worries.

The 15 year old is not doing so good in school, and now started driving around with his moped and being out at night. So weekends are not restful times, more stressful than working days! The constant worry.