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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Parents of teens & young adults ~ pursuing our own priorities after two decades of parenting!

392 replies

Calafsidentity · 18/04/2022 08:50

Leading on from this discussion and much as we love our DCs & DPs, this is the thread where some of us parents of teens (POTs) who've had our fill of parenting drudgery & 'wife work' can support one another to move towards a life where we (depending on the life stage we're at) can prepare to, or finally put ourselves, near or at the top of the priority list after a couple of decades of facilitating the needs and wants of others, and where we encourage and help one another to develop our own individual passions, priorities, purposeful plans and pet projects which have, prior to this point, been put on the back burner!

Welcome everyone and good luck!

OP posts:
PadamPadam · 23/04/2022 20:55

JustDance - I am all for non assessed learning too. I love to learn but have no interest in the stress and strain of cramming for exams, been there done that!
I have just signed up to an 8 week History of Art course at a local school, was going to wait until Sept (ie after the double whammy of A level and GCSEs about to hit our house) but inspired by this thread and a fabulous arty day out in London last week I've decided to bite the bullet and do it now.
Also going to book a 1 day forest bathing/ wild swimming/ meditation retreat thing to give me a mental re-boot and just as a treat after a tricky time.
I've been studying philosophy for many years and we (the school) are hosting 3 Ukrainian families as soon as they can get their Visas finalised and I am really enjoying my involvement in getting the practical things in place/ working with a group of volunteers/ meeting new people, feeling useful outside of the family.

I do an awful lot (too much!) for my kids but they do also look out for me a bit. If I am clearly frazzled and stressed out they do know to offer to make me a cup of tea or run me a bath. I think that as they get older, it is really important that they start to see us as people with our own feelings and needs. I think that it will make them nicer people and better partners so we are doing them a favour as well as ourself a favour when we train to them to be a little bit more thoughtful. They sometimes need a nudge but they do get that its 2 way street in families and that its nice to give as well as take.

I actually think that this is the crux of a lot of what we are talking about here. Boundaries. Not always putting ourself last. (Why should we?!)

ChiswickFlo · 23/04/2022 20:59

Oh, I love a traipse around a ruin ☺️ luckily both dc like it too
(In fact ds1 is doing a history degree)

Mum isn't doing too well atm. I think it'll take her a long time to get over this last illness. In fact I'm not sure she'll get back to where she was health wise.

Spent this morning at a local event to publicise one of my voluntary roles. Rather chilly and windy 🥶

Feeling a bit rough so have spent the afternoon lazing about. Have spent the evening cleaning. Rock n roll 🤣🤣

doubleshotcappuccino · 24/04/2022 09:04

@Calafsidentity that's very kind thank you .. lovely to find others in the same position..

velvet24 · 24/04/2022 10:00

Shall we try something, what is YOUR idea of a perfect day , something that just you would like to do?

I had to think hard as never think of me , but I think for me, it would be a wander around a National Trust Property, or other old buildings, or even a deserted beach, look at artwork, treat myself to a leisurely lunch and just wander some more, no having to rush , or talk to anyone .

ChiswickFlo · 24/04/2022 10:24

velvet24 · 24/04/2022 10:00

Shall we try something, what is YOUR idea of a perfect day , something that just you would like to do?

I had to think hard as never think of me , but I think for me, it would be a wander around a National Trust Property, or other old buildings, or even a deserted beach, look at artwork, treat myself to a leisurely lunch and just wander some more, no having to rush , or talk to anyone .

Sounds perfect!

Seeline · 24/04/2022 12:36

I'd like someone else to organise something - anything tbh. It's always down to me, if I don't nothing happens, then people moan. So when I organise stuff it's always taking into account what everyone else likes...

Seeline · 24/04/2022 12:40

I had a good epiphany in the supermarket yesterday as I threw another load of 50/50 into the trolley. I have bought this for years in the vain hope if getting some goodness into the kids. DS has been at uni for 18 months, and DD has been eating gluten free for over 6 months! I am buying nasty soggy bread that I don't like for kids that don't been eat it. I'm looking forward to some decent wholemeal and granary loaves 😁

velvet24 · 24/04/2022 15:08

Ha ha same !! Buy 50/50 as good for the kids but i HATE it , I love seedy bread / granary but don't buy it as no one eats it, this is one example of many food examples where i think of everyone else..................

Original poster
Calafsidentity · 25/04/2022 06:21

Morning all! I am having a lot of difficulty using Mumsnet ATM. After a few minutes of posting, the whole page is covered in a black rectangle with the word "oops" written on it, and although I can see my post underneath, I can't get to it! This is about the fourth time it's happened and is obviously time related, and related to relaunch so just going to post this quickly now before it appears and try and sort it out! Apologies for being AWOL!

OP posts:
Original poster
Calafsidentity · 25/04/2022 06:48

OK so being the skilled techie that I am, I have logged out and logged in again to see of that makes any difference!

Might actually be able to write a reply that takes longer than one minute to construct, you never know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Calafsidentity · 25/04/2022 06:54

Apparently I might need to update my browser, but when I click on the "here" link to do that, I am taken to a white "oops" page this time! Argh!

OP posts:
Original poster
Calafsidentity · 25/04/2022 06:58

Anyway, please carry on posting as usual everyone, and I apologize for not responding to individual posts ATM.

I look forward to reading the small steps everyone is taking to move forward and pursue their own pursuits or 😊"PTOPs"

OP posts:
Orangesandlemons77 · 25/04/2022 08:35

Just enjoying the peace as mine are back at school today. It felt like a student flat here over the Easter holidays.

steppemum · 25/04/2022 09:22

velvet24 · 24/04/2022 15:08

Ha ha same !! Buy 50/50 as good for the kids but i HATE it , I love seedy bread / granary but don't buy it as no one eats it, this is one example of many food examples where i think of everyone else..................

Do you have a freezer?
because in our house we like 3 different breads. So we put 3 loaves in the freezer, and people take out a couple of slices when they eat it.
Stick the slices on a plate, make a cup of tea and get out the butter etc and by then it is defrosted.
Or split the loaf and put half in freezer,
Freezer bread is relaly fresh, crust stays good too. (fridge bread is horrible!)

This was a game changer for me, as I love granary, and no-one else does.

Flatandhappy · 26/04/2022 10:42

DH and I are currently in Bali on holiday while 19yo DD and 22yo DS are home in Sydney, they would both have loved an invite (Uni holidays) but it wasn’t forthcoming. We had big gaps between our kids - we have a 28yo who is married with a DD of his own - so now it is our time. I went through a year of cancer treatment in 2019 and then COVID hit and we couldn’t leave Australia for two years so we are determined to make the most of our opportunity to travel. I love my kids dearly but I’m kind of over the whole notion of looking after everyone else, it feels good 😂

Flatandhappy · 26/04/2022 10:42

DH and I are currently in Bali on holiday while 19yo DD and 22yo DS are home in Sydney, they would both have loved an invite (Uni holidays) but it wasn’t forthcoming. We had big gaps between our kids - we have a 28yo who is married with a DD of his own - so now it is our time. I went through a year of cancer treatment in 2019 and then COVID hit and we couldn’t leave Australia for two years so we are determined to make the most of our opportunity to travel. I love my kids dearly but I’m kind of over the whole notion of looking after everyone else, it feels good 😂

ssd · 26/04/2022 17:33

Glad i found this thread again, I'd lost it when the site changes happened

PadamPadam · 26/04/2022 18:56

Flat and happy - your holiday sounds lovely, glad you are enjoying your hols, time to look after you.

My week has been upended by DS2 getting a sporting injury at the weekend which means he can't write. GCSE Exams start in less than a month. Nightmare. Cue incredibly busy stressful time trying to sort things out.

However...despite this I managed to get a PTOP in. Started my History of Art course today and really enjoyed it. Average age was about 60 so I am glad I have started a decade earlier than that!already dreaming of a trip to Paris next year to check out some galleries. Sans moaning kids!!

ssd · 26/04/2022 19:01

Bali sounds amazing, as does a wander round Paris....ALONE 😃
I had a good day, met a friend for a walk, but i have a permanent pit of anxiety in my stomach which i seem to always have had..would hrt help me i wonder? Has anyone tried this?

ChiswickFlo · 26/04/2022 19:04

Bali and Paris...sigh. marvellous.

I'm away twice this summer - but with mum and my family I must be mad

My 50th is later on this year and I feel bad but I just want some time to myself.

ChiswickFlo · 26/04/2022 19:12

I'd love a weekend going round galleries and museums.

PadamPadam · 26/04/2022 20:28

Yep me too. I think years of endless interruptions have left me yearning for solitude so I can just do what I want and think my own thoughts.

potplant · 26/04/2022 20:39

Jumping in.
ive got DTs currently doing a levels so if all goes well I’ll have an empty next in September. Im
sort of looking forward to it, but also a bit worried about what I’m going to do with myself.

I always talked in abstract terms about festivals, traveling, holidays but now it’s almost real, I’m a bit scared about it.

Im not with their father and I’m single, so haven’t got those kind, we’ll get a caravan and go away every weekend kind of plans.

ssd · 26/04/2022 21:17

Mine are early 20s and i get plenty time to myself now but its weird, you yearn for it for years then when it comes it can feel endless and you dont know what to do with yourself....

MrsDanversBroom · 26/04/2022 21:21

Great thread!