Parents of teens & young adults ~ pursuing our own priorities after two decades of parenting!

[Calafsidentity]

Leading on from this discussion and much as we love our DCs & DPs, this is the thread where some of us parents of teens (POTs) who've had our fill of parenting drudgery & 'wife work' can support one another to move towards a life where we (depending on the life stage we're at) can prepare to, or finally put ourselves, near or at the top of the priority list after a couple of decades of facilitating the needs and wants of others, and where we encourage and help one another to develop our own individual passions, priorities, purposeful plans and pet projects which have, prior to this point, been put on the back burner!

Welcome everyone and good luck!

Hope you had a lovely peaceful time away Biblomania!

And sincere thanks from a previously truculent teen, especially if it is relating to something they were initially reluctant to do, is like manna from heaven MercurialMonday!

And agree it is great when they start earning Cameleongirl and InMySpareTime , a bit like them driving for the first time, it helps you see the future

Having said that, despite the earning and the [learner] , we seem to have regressed in my household over the exam period. All very stressy. Hanging in there with my pretend serene demeanour until the end of the month.

Stress levels are very much down here - last exam sat though DS moaning about upcoming tests and English oral exam coming up.

Blusteryday101 I hope things get calmer for you all soon.

DH had a 250-mile round trip yesterday to pick DS up from DGPs, because of the train strike. We didn't mind so much as he had actually tried to sort it out by changing his ticket once, and met a little under halfway back from their house so DGPs had the shorter drive. DD offered to accompany DH on the drive and meet the DGPs so they made a day of it.
Still, it was a really long day!

Thanks Blustery, I did have a good day, although in the spirit of this thread, I had to come back earlier than I would have chosen due to dd's dental appointment. She's 14 - I suppose I could have let her go alone but I'm getting things sorted for her to get orthodontist treatment. Very ££££ [weeps]

Good luck in maintaining your serene facade!

Just reading your messages biblomania, InMySpareTime and MercurialMonday , it would appear that quite a few of us are still embroiled in parental duties ... lots of my friends in rl are heading off to help clean out student flats or sharing airport runs for holidays or delivering their teen or young adult dc to festivals ... I know someone who is coming from abroad to help their daughter clean and move out of their student flat...

....I don't remember my parents doing much of the above tbh... .

On the one hand I suppose it is still nice to be needed for something! On the other hand, the reality can be a lot of drudge type chores ... which I relish less and less as I get older. A friend of mine jokes about her son bringing home washing from uni but you can see from her smile that she still quite likes looking after him during the holidays. Maybe I am just selfish, or have run out of what little oestrogen was still lingering in my endocrine system, but I feel done with that sort of thing. I simply don't want to do it any more. I kind of feel guilty about it though because it is contrary to what is "expected" perhaps?

I do cook up big feasts and invite friends from the area around during the holidays and I am always around to consult and talk to, and to provide the odd lift here and there but I don't really want to be doing domestic work that they are capable of doing themselves.

invite dc friends around I mean!

DS failed two of his mock A levels and is resitting them this week. The last one is today thankfully. Just when you think the stress is over and to find it is onling as they need to resit! He did computer science yesterday and said it went better than last time so that's good. Has psychology today.

He passed the others OK- core maths and biology. Wondering if it was a good idea him doing 4 subjects even though core maths is less stress than actual a level maths I understand and seems to be useful.

Have been to aqua aerobics today which was quite good. I also went to the silver screen which is a cinema showing in the morning which is meant to be for the over 60s but I go with my friend who is disabled as the time suits her and it's accessible for her too.

That was quite funny as it was quite saucy- it was Good luck to you Rio Grande which has Emma Thomson in it as a 60 something lady who hires a young sex worker...

Bumped into my old boss from pre-DC- (used to be a teacher in a nursery) who asked me if I wanted to come back and work for them...apparently they are finding it hard to get staff...not sure I have the emotional energy for lots of little ones after mine have grown a but older. I appreciated her asking though.

Anyway that's all my news I think. Still trying to help elderly parents, dad miles away with dementia but has someone coming in to help him and is in sheltered accom with a warden thankfully (helpful) and recently bereaved MIL...

It all goes on...have a good weekend and hope you all get some time out for yourselves

A levels are DONE and I'm no longer a school mum 🎉

Super large glass of wine for me tonight, DTs off celebrating with their mates.

Mums with DCs at Uni, don’t burst my bubble that I’m done with education.

Mums with DCs at Uni, don’t burst my bubble that I’m done with education.

Ha! Don't worry Potplant enjoy this moment of liberation while it lasts!

Orangesandlemons77 about the film! And congrats on job offer. I can understand your reservations but nice to be asked! And yes all of the waiting for results and resits things equals high stress! Best of luck to your ds!

@Blusteryday101 I totally agree with you. The idea of coming FROM ABROAD to help your adult child clean their student flat is flabbergasting to me. My 17 year old is pretty independent - doing 2 part time jobs over the summer and getting buses all over the place. She makes her own money and sorted out her own holiday abroad with friends. I expect her to help out a bit at home too.
University is a totally different ball game from school - parents are not involved at all. The only thing I've had to do for DC1 has been to provide financial information for the student loan application.

I’ve got 8 weeks (fingers crossed) to un-mollycoddle mine.
I scoffed at my SIL when she used to visit DN every week to do her shopping at Uni.

I scoffed at my SIL when she used to visit DN every week to do her shopping at Uni.

What have I just read Redcrayons
This is not a judge's thread (I hope!} but crikey! Surely at least half the point of uni is to learn how to fend for yourself ... .

To be fair though, a lot of teens and young adults are two years behind developmentally thanks to Covid. Some had a really rotten time but that's barely acknowledged and they are all just expected to get on with it now ...

Ach sorry... that was meant to say "not a judgey thread"

not judge's

Please can I join. My son is 17 and due to go travelling soon!

4 months off university over summer 😳 but getting back into stride now she has gone back

I had a proud mum moment today when DD2 told me that one of her housemates said 'how did Mini-ice turn into masterchef overnight?'!! She actually sounded offended saying that she's been cooking for a while but I said just to take it as a compliment and anyway it was all due to my well curated recipes 🤣

Love having my really tidy house back after summer. Just off for a walk with DH and probably a pint on our own. I'm not aiming at pursuing anything great at the present, just enjoying it being the two of us after all these years 😊