When did you stop checking your teens phone?

[Picklesndcheese]

Just that really! I stopped checking DDs phone when she turned 16. Wondering if that was too soon now? It felt invasive to carry on although tbh it had scaled back a lot over the years. She got her phone at 11.

She is very secretive about her phone so not sure if I should be worried! What do others do?

I should add we have generally a good relationship.

Same here 16. How old is she now?

Stopped when dc1 turned 15. Time for privacy I feel. I left school at 16 and was totally independent from then on so for me it felt right.

I’ve never checked their phone.

Are these comments actually for real - you checked your kids phones til they were 16??!!

I’ve never checked my teens phones! That’s a massive invasion of privacy.

I never checked their phones.

I stopped when I realised she told me everything anyway. She’s 13 now & I respect her privacy and trust her to speak with me about issues that may arise.

My mum never checked my phone (think I got my first at 12)
However we had an open phone policy, so it was clear that she could if she felt she needed to, but she wasn't going to invade our privacy unless there were genuine concerns.
I think 16 is well past the time to stop.

I never checked my DDs phones.

Honestly OP, no wonder she’s secretive of you checked her phone until she was 16. She probably got a burner stashed somewhere.

I've never checked dcs phones. Can't believe you think you've stopped too soon at 16 😕

I’ve never checked my teenager’s phone.

I never did, because they never gavee reason to. But when they got phones I told them I will expect to check them if I feel it necessary. So far, no problem. But we have a good relationship and they talk to me about stuff many teens wouldn't and they respect my rules and expectations and do what they are asked to without arguments. Mutual respect goes a long way, but I'm not 'friends' with my teens. They know their privacy (and the phone itself) is a privilege that can and will be revoked if necessary.

What exactly do you check it for that you can't speak to them about instead?

I found out my parents checked my phone when I was 15/16 and I was really upset. 20 years on and I still remember. It’s a massive invasion of privacy at quite a sensitive time in a young persons life in my opinion

Never checked it! How on earth do you build a trusting relationship if there’s no trust? At 16 she is absolutely entitled to privacy.

Thanks for the replies. Really interesting range of responses. She is 16 now.

I didn't check every day or anything just from time to time when I had cause to worry. Ie email from school about girls feeling coerced into sexting.

Sorry op that's weird and like others have said a huge invasion of privacy. I think she likely resents you.

Mine are 12 and 14. I don't check the 14 year olds and haven't for at least a year. I check the 12 year olds now and again if there's something going on that I need to be concerned about!

I've never checked their phone

I only checked their phones for the first year or so until they were about 13. Always with their full knowledge and rarely tbh. Some restrictions remained until 16.

I still have them on find my friends and track them which again they know. It’s done in a when the hell are you actually going to be home way rather than seeing where they are/who they’re with.

That's interesting as one of the reasons it started to feel intrusive is when she and her boyfriend got together. Just to add I have never read their messages etc and wouldn't but it made me question why check at all now!

Sorry that last reply was for Mochii.

My kids are 16 and 14 and I have never checked their phone

I believe if I do not trust them they should not have a phone!

I talked about sexting etc as they were growing up in primary school as things cropped up on the news etc etc

To be honest the younger secondary aged kids know more than most parents

My mum read my diary when I was 14.

To this day I’ve never forgiven her, and I’m 50 now.

I remember, as though it were yesterday, the burning sense of intrusion and of violation of my privacy.

So I would never check my children’s phones. They’re humans too, not possessions or pets.