Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

When did you stop checking your teens phone?

215 replies

Picklesndcheese · 09/03/2022 18:35

Just that really! I stopped checking DDs phone when she turned 16. Wondering if that was too soon now? It felt invasive to carry on although tbh it had scaled back a lot over the years. She got her phone at 11.

She is very secretive about her phone so not sure if I should be worried! What do others do?

I should add we have generally a good relationship.

OP posts:
maeveiscurious · 12/03/2022 10:11

@AmelieBear

Are the people who are saying they checked their teenage children’s phones young enough to also have had phones as teens? I had one back when they first became common at around 14. I can completely put myself in their shoes. I think it’s tantamount to psychological abuse to be quite honest. What are you hoping to achieve? What is it you are trying to protect them from? I genuinely wish to know.
Perhaps read the thread and not just the parts that agree with you.

I was not checking for my child's behaviour but the influence of others who had nefarious agendas

PinkSyCo · 12/03/2022 18:56

My kids didn’t get phones until I thought they were sensible enough to have them, thus negating any need to spy on them so never have I checked their phones.

MissyB1 · 12/03/2022 19:29

@PinkSyCo

My kids didn’t get phones until I thought they were sensible enough to have them, thus negating any need to spy on them so never have I checked their phones.
My ds needed one age 11 because of his long complicated journey to school. He is sensible but he’s not a mature savvy adult - he’s a kid! And kids will be kids. And teens think they know everything, and that they are invincible.

That’s why they still need parenting.

PinkSyCo · 12/03/2022 20:11

My ds needed one age 11 because of his long complicated journey to school. He is sensible but he’s not a mature savvy adult - he’s a kid! And kids will be kids.
And teens think they know everything, and that they are invincible.

That’s why they still need parenting.

What if phone’s hadn’t been invented? How would your son managed the ‘long complicated journey to school then?
Parenting children means talking to them, guiding them and teaching them how to stay safe. It should not involve spying on them!

theemperorhasnoclothes · 12/03/2022 21:13

But it's not spying if the condition of having a phone is that they know you'll have a look from time to time and you do it in an above board way, with them, with discussion. I doubt any of the parents 'checking' are doing it behind their kids backs.

It's what the experts suggest parents should do.

I know, I know, we're all so over the 'experts'. It's gone so well.....

theemperorhasnoclothes · 12/03/2022 21:13

People did have long complicated journeys in the past. There were also pay phones, which don't exist any more.

malificent7 · 12/03/2022 21:15

Never. Dd is14.

MissyB1 · 12/03/2022 22:26

@theemperorhasnoclothes

People did have long complicated journeys in the past. There were also pay phones, which don't exist any more.
Yes and women also used to go to the river with a wooden washboard to do the lawn laundry so what?
teenagersaaaaahhhh · 13/03/2022 01:12

I'm glad I did check my kids phone, found out her friend was doing hard drugs, even though she had a history of this none of her family bothered to do it. She was in a bad situation that could have got a lot worse if I hadn't told school who told her parents.
I don't always check but was worried, good job I did.

maddy68 · 13/03/2022 01:13

I only ever looked at my teens phone once. And it bit me in the arse. Ignorance is definitely bliss

FailingMum81 · 13/03/2022 08:43

Really interesting reading the responses here. I posted once about the fact I hadn't checked my DDs (13) phone for some time and a situation had arisen that she was afraid to tell me about and I was berated for not checking her phone more regularly....bizarre that most of the responses to this one say you shouldn't be checking 🤔🤔 personally, I think there is no right or wrong answer as there are so many variables and it needs to be what's right for you and your child in your specific situation. Good luck with whatever you decide :)

FlorencePKettle · 13/03/2022 13:50

Christ: you do your best to parent your young teen and you're a 'controlling narcissist' to some posters

Just when you think you've read it all

MoiraNotRuby · 13/03/2022 15:40

I asked one of teens their opinion on this... they said their friends with strict parents who check phones just hide stuff more carefully, and that its an invasio of privacy. I asked but what about being kept safe from grooming etc.... luckily my teenager know EVERYTHING and therefore is at no risk Hmm

AngieBolen · 13/03/2022 15:56

The parents of the lad who sent my DD dick picks never checked his phone, (until the police invited him and his dad into to the station for a "discussion"). The parents of the girls who sent DD vile messages didn't check their phones.

If you're cool with that kind of thing, let them crack on. DD and I weren't comfortable with it. She knew I might check her phone until
She was 16, although I'm not stupid enough to think she's not perfectly capable of hiding anything she doesn't want me to see, but obvious things like those teens were sending weren't being hidden from anyone.

If I'm paying a contract on the phone I reserve the right to look at it/confiscate it. I would have no issue with DD looking through my phone.

Jamn50 · 18/03/2022 19:47

I don’t check the actual phone but I have family link so have to approve all apps and other things DS 13 DD 16 in a week. They don’t mind at all. We have a very good relationship and open one. They don’t need to hide anything and if I need to borrow there phone they are more than happy.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page