When did you stop checking your teens phone?

[Picklesndcheese]

Just that really! I stopped checking DDs phone when she turned 16. Wondering if that was too soon now? It felt invasive to carry on although tbh it had scaled back a lot over the years. She got her phone at 11.

She is very secretive about her phone so not sure if I should be worried! What do others do?

I should add we have generally a good relationship.

Never started, I trusted them

@SleepOhHowIMissYou what a silly thing to say

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

You could be up to all sorts.

It's for your own good y'see.

Yes and that's fine as I am an adult and no one has parental responsibility for me.

@Soul11Soul

Do you afford your children all of the same freedoms as your adult partner *@SleepOhHowIMissYou*? If your 11 year old wanted to hang about the local pub alone on a Saturday night is that ok? How about if your 12 year old wanted to watch some hardcore porn? You ok with that too? If child safeguarding isn't a concern to you then I wonder why? Don't be obtuse.

We all use each other's phones to be honest. I grab the one that's nearest if I need to make a call.

It's called trust and raising your children to be sensible and responsible for their own actions.

I have always been open with my kids about the dangers of online porn and grooming as I knew they'd be exposed to it via their friends.

If you check phones, kids hide things. Mine don't and I have never felt the need to invade their privacy.

Somehow they've both made it to adulthood! Lucky huh?

Never checked phone. We have had many discussions though about sexting, online grooming, cyber bullying etc though. Basic rule that anything posted never ever goes away fully and you should never send anything you wouldn't (in theory) want your granny to see. There has been the odd occasion where someone did something that caused an upset and then we had a discussion about best way to deal with it

[quote CatFacedGirl]@SleepOhHowIMissYou what a silly thing to say [/quote]
Why?

It's an invasion of OP's privacy but then she does the same to her 16 year old.

Perhaps she needs watching.

I'm shocked that parents don't check their kids phones, I really hope this is because they've got lots of security checks on them and their internet searches.

I checked my dds phone when she was 13yo and found out she'd downloaded an app (YUBO) and was talking to loads of random boys/men.

It was a huge wake up call to me.

I was naïve and trusted my dd.

She's 16 now and I've not checked it in a while but would if I had a particular concern about something.

Leaving young teens with open access to a phone with no checks is dangerous imo.

@gogohm

Never started, I trusted them

Urghhhh...it's not about not trusting them. It's about not trusting all of the other gazillion weirdos on the internet. And children don't have the bloody brains (literally) to fully understand the consequences of their actions. That's why we (adults) are responsible for them.

DS is 16 and I’ve stopped checking his phone since I read sexual msgs on their. DD is 13 and I check hers, she knows I do, she’s knows it a condition of her having the phone and me paying for it.

Haven’t checked DS’s phone since he was about 14. He’s never been secretive and due to sharing iCloud, and he can’t be bothered to unlink his phone from mine, I see his call log and sometimes calls are diverted through mine. Have asked him numerous times to switch of the divert but he can’t be bothered.
He also likes Find my phone because he doesn’t need to give me directions to pick him up just tells me to use FMP.
They are products of a digital age and use the technology. I would have been horrified if my parents were able to track me but it’s a different world.

@wishmyhousetidy

.think there is quite a lot of smugness on this thread - how of course their children are so sensible and well brought up that nothing untoward would happen to their children. We had a open and honest policy where I felt we talked openly about grooming, sex, drugs, but teenagers are very secretive and believe they know more than their parents and can make bad decisions because of their immaturity.

I agree there comes a time when you have to back off and let them make mistakes but be aware that the loveliest, brightest children make very bad mistakes, often facilitated by a mobil le phone.

I totally agree with you about the smugness on here of those whose kids are so perfect they don't need to check phones. I was probably like that a few years ago until I had my eyes opened about the evils of mobile phones and the trouble they can cause to the brightest of kids.

*If you check phones, kids hide things. Mine don't and I have never felt the need to invade their privacy.

Somehow they've both made it to adulthood! Lucky huh?

We also share devices. I'm not smug or self-righteous enough to publically declare that my children have never hidden anything from me though. Children need to keep certain things from their parents. I'm sure even yours. As for luck - yes you're absolutely right. You were really lucky that your children reached adulthood unscathed.

Urghhhh...it's not about not trusting them. It's about not trusting all of the other gazillion weirdos on the internet. And children don't have the bloody brains (literally) to fully understand the consequences of their actions. That's why we (adults) are responsible for them.

^ well said

Have only checked DS's once when I was concerned. He's 14 and it's his private phone. He tells me most of what goes on anyway, and it would only be if I thought he was hiding something that I would look if he wasn't sharing any info with me.
There are restrictions on his phone though and we have location sharing. He can see my location too as it is handy if I'm driving to pick him up and he wants to see where I am.

OK. Deep breath I'll explain why I asked this question today. Email from school this week with a disturbing new trend.

Boys are videoing their girlfriends during oral sex to sell the videos on line. Apparently this started by boys saying they were using their phone torches to "see better" which is worrying enough but the girls realised they were being filmed. Shockingly some girls are agreeing to share the money.

This is year 9, 10 and 11 kids. Good kids. Nice kids. Kids like mine and yours. Kids who are not ready to think through what they are doing. Kids who live in a "nice" area at a "good" school. Kids with parents who never check their phones.

Huge safeguarding and potential criminal issues now being investigated. And this is not an isolated incident.

Wow. I am surprised by how relaxed many of you are. I used to look at my son’s phone periodically (with his knowledge) just to check what apps he had and to be sure nothing jumped out as odd in a quick glance. During lockdown (during which he turned 15) , lots of rules were relaxed and I got out of the habit of checking. Subsequently, I have learned he began very inappropriate searches, dialogues, etc (I won’t go into details) and I am very upset I stopped being vigilant. If I could roll the clock back, Inwould have parental controls on wifi and ongoing dialogue about what he is looking at, what he is reading and who he is communicating with — perhaps not looking at his phone but having more focussed conversations.
Our children deserve some privacy, but also need to observe tule and we as parents need to have the strength to set and impose rules.

@Picklesndcheese I can see why you checked, way more understandable! Have you asked her about it and said what you had heard from the school? I imagine they all know about it already

@Soul11Soul

You accuse us of smugness while in the same breath suggesting we are neglectful, abusive parents for not checking our kids phones.

Do you understand irony?

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

How often does your husband check your phone OP?

Don't be fucking ridiculous. Women and children are not interchangeable.

@Picklesndcheese

Stuff like this does go on. My kids tell me about it. That's what having a trusting relationship builds. The confidence to speak openly.

[quote Mochii]@Picklesndcheese I can see why you checked, way more understandable! Have you asked her about it and said what you had heard from the school? I imagine they all know about it already[/quote]
Thank you. I feel quite shaken and neglectful. But yes she knew about it and yes she told me on Sunday before the school email. Some of the detail in my post I know from her.

I am sorry to disagree with those on the thread that never check but I really think at least for under16s that is risky.

@Whatthefleckster the child in question is 16.

Never ever checked at all....
My kids are now in their 20s
Maybe wish I had but actually overall its better to try and work on communication- worked for me but it wasn't easy.

These comments are very interesting as I thought most parents checked their kids phones? I always seeing being said on here?! Now no one does and it’s a massive invasion of privacy? I don’t have teens but from past threads on here checking phones seemed to be the “norm”