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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenagers at home

216 replies

azaleanth90 · 26/03/2020 09:06

This is obviously a really hard time for them. I have a 14 year old and while he mostly does his school work, he flatly refuses any other engagement with routines, family time, cooking, or going for a walk/whatever. (We've been at home for a week) I feel some structure is really important for mental health as otherwise he will zone out on screens all day - though I know he needs that too. I see all these great ideas about developing their soft skills, exploring, reading, etc - mine will do none. He's very confrontational and determined to be in complete control of his time. What are other people with obstinate teens doing? Even the idea of leaving the house with us is unacceptable!

OP posts:
bobisbored · 26/03/2020 16:59

I've just posted a similar thread. Mine are a year older so no school work to do. I just don't know what to do for/with them.

gingganggooleywotsit · 26/03/2020 17:16

oh thank goodness my 13 year old dd is exactly the same. She joins in with family meals and clean up, but has to be nagged to take the dog for a walk/get dressed. Basically does nothing atall apart from her school work and screens. Really sad!

gingganggooleywotsit · 26/03/2020 17:20

I have been waking her up the same sort of time every day, creating structure with meal times and walking the dog, taking phone away at night..it just makes me sad that she has no other interests apart from her phone. as a child she has loads of hobbies and loved reading but since age 12 does absolutely nothing. She meets friends and hangs about normally but now she can't do that she has reverted to literally nothing. It breaks my heart when I hear of all the other teens of friends baking, reading taking photos etc. Just wanted you to know you're not alone although no real advice.

1066vegan · 26/03/2020 17:24

Dd is 17.She seems to spend most of her time in her bedroom on screens - mixture of college work, Netflix and Facetiming friends.

I'm still working so ask her what she's been up to each day but haven't been able to do much about it. I'm going to try and get her to have a bit of fresh air at the weekend, even if it's only lunch in the garden, but I think I'll have a battle on my hands.

gingganggooleywotsit · 26/03/2020 19:40

Just be firm, set up lunch outside and say we're eating out here. My dd hates the sun and prefers the rain. If it was the 80s she'd be a massive goth. sigh.

NCTDN · 27/03/2020 22:32

I was about to start a thread on the same theme. Ds is 13 and to be fair has been really good with school work. However, getting him to do something active or outdoors is tough. He's just moaned. He would stare at a TV or play on the xbox if we let him. It's hard when he's no activities on to go to but he's driving me mad!

NCTDN · 27/03/2020 22:33

At least I realise how he enjoys school!

Original poster
azaleanth90 · 30/03/2020 14:47

2.30 and mine has finally consented to start school work. 'Oh so much to do'. You don't say! I swear this virus was genetically engineered by a teenager to allow them to sulk in their rooms forever.

OP posts:
mumontherun14 · 31/03/2020 13:41

Oh I could have written this about my DS...until yesterday.... Yesterday was a better day. Before that he was not getting up till lunchtime, would only go a walk with his dad and the dog under pressure, would lounge about all day on xbox and netflix and denied all knowledge of having any school work. Well yesterday I logged in myself to the school app and hey ho there is a whole list of things he is meant to be doing. So I told him even just an hour a day would be enough. He did an English exam question then later on we got out Stranfger THings monpoly DD got for xmas and at first he was moaning then he joined in and really enjoyed it. I was saying to my DH maybe do a board game with them every few nights or so as they moan but do enjoy it. We also did a quiz with him one night he liked that and he's watched a film with me and done Joe Wickes a few times. But I am sure he is up till all ours I am too tired I fall asleep at 11 and I don't know when he is going to sleep.

Windyatthebeach · 31/03/2020 13:44

I have 4 teens at home right now...
Not sure how long until I need a new patio...
Grin

sweetief · 31/03/2020 21:52

I could also have written this! Getting very depressed watching everyone else in the world have wholesome family time and creative quarentines. My 12 and 14 yr old Dds are barely talking to me and DH, and not interacting at all.

LynetteScavo · 31/03/2020 22:17

I have two sulkers. Apparently if they can't do what they want, they're not doing anything at all. DD actually said to me "What will happen if I don't do this work? Will I get an after school detention, haha?" Cue lying in bed some more and eating more popcorn and ignoring my suggestions of maintaining a routine. "Some people are actually doing that, gering up and doing stuff the teachers set? They're so tragic!" These are usually nice, easy to parent kids.

NCTDN · 31/03/2020 22:50

@sweetief just remember, not everything on social media that you see is a true representation x

bamboowarrior · 01/04/2020 15:40

Really struggling here - Ds so aggressive and upsetting vibe of whole family/ upsetting us/ his younger brother - it's a complete nightmare and in this moment I don't know how we are gonna make it through 😞😞😞 such a melting pot suddenly all being together, a recipe for a nightmare 😞😞😞 feeling so sad and heartbroken that he is being so selfish/ unkind/ unhelpful in this terribly difficult situation. Sorry rant over thankyou for reading 😞😞😞😞😞

sugarbum · 01/04/2020 15:53

I have a 13 year old. He is just like this. He didn't get up till ten past 11 today. He is good if I ask him to do chores (emptying dishwasher, sort clothes etc) but he refuses to bake or do crafts or do any exercise other than a 20 minute walk every other day. He won't contact his friends either which means he is very isolated.

RockinHippy · 01/04/2020 15:57

Hell on earth here.

DD17 holed in her room aggressively snarling at me if I dare Knock & suggest anything, offer healthy food, ask about college work etc, alongside playing manipulative mind games to try & cause a rift with me & her DF & much more to the point now where I have to avoid her as much as possible. She is doing college work, at least I think she is, she normally would but I can't talk to her & get answers anymore without threats of social services or leaving home now mid lockdown as I'm "abusive"😏. She's being incredibly nasty, nothing new, but definitely much worse now. She chats with her friends on SM, HouseParty etc & continuously stuffs her face with bagels & half inch thick cream cheese & Nutella, 3 at a time 😐 & other such unhealthy crap & nothing else. She sleeps all day & is up most of the night, no exercise at all & just dosses in her bed even to work. Can't engage her with anything at all without nasty aggressive behaviour & everything is my fault

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/04/2020 15:57

Yep, my 14-year-old is similar, doing her schoolwork but otherwise has to be nagged into any sort of activity unless it's doing her hair or Facetiming her friends. She claims to love warm weather but is reluctant to go outside when the sun's out (not exactly warm yet but still). Getting her to do chores is a pain, she requires alot of nagging.

The only "wholesome" activity she's doing is art, because she loves drawing...but she seems to be doing it at night because there's often sketches left for us to admire in the morning. Grin

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/04/2020 15:58

Oh, and she's on a sports team and supposed to be doing a daily workout...yeah, right.

okiedokieme · 01/04/2020 16:01

Mine are older and not much better. Both have assignments due for university in May but otherwise they sleep all day and are on computers all night. Luckily I'm not there, they can live in their own squalor as long as they get it clean before I get home!

Mitsouko67 · 01/04/2020 16:08

Rocking I have one of those. I really feel your pain. I am letting her at it in the hope she will get sick of it and decide to stop.

BGD2012 · 01/04/2020 16:09

Mine is almost a teenager. He gets up about 8ish and moans about everything. He goes out for a 5 mile run by 9am and when he comes back he's ok. Not brilliant at keeping in touch with friends as he finds gaming boring after an hour or so. Does his school work but moans all the way through. He is happy to empty dishwasher etc but reluctant to tidy his room.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/04/2020 16:11

@BGD2012 I think I'd prefer your son's routine to DD's. The 5-mile run would be great....she's supposed to be doing something like that but it's not happening. Sad

Windyatthebeach · 01/04/2020 16:13

Boredom has kicked in so hard 2 dd's (13+14)actually worked together to change bedroom around and fully tidy and hoover it.. Never even been heard of.. Usually tidy in shifts!! .

BGD2012 · 01/04/2020 16:16

AmICrazyorWhat2. He is very physically active so I'm glad he has kept running. He moans a lot but is generally a good kid. Eating us out of house and home though!

Andi2020 · 01/04/2020 16:19

I have 3
2 dd age 16 and 15 ds 11
They would be on Easter break at the moment so no school work just get them to read a little and they are currently watching a movie.
Dd16 just came out of her bedroom In her pjs busy doing eyelashes nails hair etc and face timing friends
She was up before 11 to go to shop for her essentials but they have to have a bit off normality and too a teenager that Is their beauty routine and screens. She done as drama script that she was working on for GCSE and sent recording off an audition for next school show hoping she will get into A level drama