Teenagers at home

[azaleanth90]

This is obviously a really hard time for them. I have a 14 year old and while he mostly does his school work, he flatly refuses any other engagement with routines, family time, cooking, or going for a walk/whatever. (We've been at home for a week) I feel some structure is really important for mental health as otherwise he will zone out on screens all day - though I know he needs that too. I see all these great ideas about developing their soft skills, exploring, reading, etc - mine will do none. He's very confrontational and determined to be in complete control of his time. What are other people with obstinate teens doing? Even the idea of leaving the house with us is unacceptable!

DS (16) did a run, mowed lawn and hoovered upstairs; DD (18) walked dogs - now both on screens/talking with friends. This for us is a very productive day!

Well DS is getting bored, I think. Helped bring stuff downstairs today, and dumped it in the yard (ready to go to the tip when it finally re-opens). Has now gone out for a run and I'm a bit anxious actually that he does something dumb like meet friends. No reason to think that, tbh, but it's so unlike him to stir himself!

This thread is making me laugh. My older two are the same, only surface for food. Dd14 comes down, makes a messy meal (smelly tinned mackerel warmed in the microwave today so it permeated throughout the whole house) chops up loads of precious fruit or makes pancakes/some sort of instagram ‘health’ snack and then leaves a big mess. If I have a go at her about anything she screeches “oh my god you HATE me don’t you??”
Luckily I can laugh about it! She’ll come through it (I hope). And it’s hard for them right now. They miss their friends and school and hormones are raging!

Mine want to buy stuff off amazon so I’m making them clean the car tomorrow. I have no shame in blackmailing them to do things, at the weekend we went on a 5 mile walk and they didn’t even grumble - they must be getting bored!

My two have been boxing, ie basically fighting in the garden. Other than that, they play x box all day. I'm working in an incredibly situation stressful situation : a new job plus my old job, with poor Wi-Fi and just the whole thing is a disaster. DH is out at work as a key worker and it's all left to me . I'm not sure how much longer I can take of this.

DD offered to go for a walk with DS...she must be truly bored as that NEVER happens normally.

According to her, he's usually an annoying brat...well, goading their older sisters is a pastime for many 11-year-old boys.

DS returned within half an hour last night, pretty knackered and described where he'd run, so I needn't have worried he was meeting friends! Today he says his knees hurt, having suddenly run 5k having not done anything for a month! (Unsurprisingly). Envious that he can do that!

Today he has yet again failed to get up before lunchtime and we had a ridiculous conversation where I asked him when he did appear - as I have done every day for the last five days - to bring down the collection of plates/mugs that are festering in his room.

His response was 'Yeah - give me a chance!' which deteriorated into me asking what the heck does that mean? You've had 5 DAYS to bring these things down! "OMG, you are so pedantic, Mum - you know what I mean!^
No, I genuinely don't know what you mean. That's why I asked. What kind of chance do you need that you haven't had? That is such a ridiculous response!

Can anyone suggest what kind of chance he needs that I haven't given him? He has still not brought any of it down, by the way!

My DS nearly 18 is happy as larry. His A level exams disappeared so he is free to do what he wants. Which is get up at lunchtime and gaming all day. Its very sociable and he is also very informed about what is going on in the world. He twice went on walks and twice on runs but that has all fallen by the wayside. My DD nearly 20 also gets up at lunchtime, works sporadically at uni work and spends lots of time watching netflix, playing Club Penguin and facetiming friends.

They both join me for meals and play card or board games. DD sometimes cooks. They both help with household chores too if asked - empyting the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen etc and they always clear the table and wash pots and pans (which they've always done anyway).

I actually dont mind too much if they get up at lunchtime. It means when I'm working that we have a meal together at 1pm - for me its lunch and them breakfast/lunch. And its a nice break for me with them.

I take the view that this is a tough time for all of us and so there's not much point me nagging and nagging to get them to do something different. It does sometimes get to me as the only (proper) adult trying to keep the house straight but they will help when asked.

Just checking in, how were your teens with the extension? My 15 yr old seems to be quite happy about it. I had to go to collect something for work yesterday and asked if she wanted to come for a ride, not sure if it’s allowed but she came, then asked to pop to the shops for sweets. I explained we just can’t do that and she had a sulk, so I took her to Tesco to see the queues and how it works, we didn’t shop, just showed her as she hadn’t been out except for walks and we live in the countryside.

She was shocked to see people in masks and security on the door with the long queues, I think it was more real than the snippets on TV, which she seems to avoid. It did enable us to have a chat about what is happening how she is feeling about it, which I think is good and I do feel we have made progress a little in communicating.

I felt teary today, I heard my midwife (from 15 yrs ago), had died of Coronavirus, If I feel like this, what must they feel like?

We did a click and collect the other day and my kids came in the car. As I'm social isolating my DS got out and put all the shopping in the car. We then went for a little drive. I did offer my DC the opportunity to stop off for sweets, crisps or drinks as there are plenty of corner shops open with no queues but they weren't bothered.

I've got 4 teens at home girls aged 18, 17, 16 and boy aged 14 - it's NUTS! Agree that phones/xbox/laptops etc are the main sources of entertainment but have managed to do a few other things. Quiz's are quite fun and easy to download - a bit of competition and frightening how little they know! Also there's money up for grabs. Tasks include exercise, chores, personal hygiene, tidy bedrooms etc. a meeting round the table on a Sunday to decide who get's what. Hilarious! Embarrassing them in front of their friends is high on the agenda - zoom and house party with mates and family seems to be favourites. Daily walk which EVERYONE has to do - Soooo lucky with this weather. We take a ball. In fact anything with a ball - how far can you throw a ball to get it in the bucket etc - hugely competitive and funny! Of course we have the arguments but life would be hugely boring if we didn't!

Took the extension ok, but today DS has been an utter dick.

School should be back after the Easter holidays and he got up for 9.00am but then basically refused to do any work, argued with me and has ended up going back to bed.

I'm tired of it all and have changed the password on the WiFi. If he's not going to work he's not getting free WiFi. He can use his data on his phone til he runs out.

Oh...and I went and brought down the dirty plates from the conversation we had 3 days ago. He still hadn't removed them.

Mine were fine with the extension but I had warned them it was likely. Been mixed the last few days. I think they are,sick of being inside and away from family and friends. On the other hand they both said they don't want to go back to school! Managed to get them out for a walk but they were both grumpy so not overly successful. Looked at their home learning and endured 45 minute meltdown from youngest when she found out she had to do her MCQs from home this week!

Mine was expecting the extension as school made clear they wouldn't be going back any time soon. Today was spent trying to get ds (14) to start work then checking he wasn't watching vids the whole time - apparently youtube is essential for work. He did all the work in bed which really annoys me - I know this is an emergency but I worry about the habits it's setting up for GCSE work. Any attempt to control screens gets really easily ramped up into a fight. Still most of the work appears to have been done, now just need to get mine done too!

This thread has made me laugh so much! My teens are a hybrid of all yours!😭😂

Today ds tried to convince me I'd got my days wrong when I was suggesting he got his arse out of bed - I found him back in there a few hours later!

DS (11) got angry with me this morning when I caught him wandering around the room during an online class and he didn't have the right page open either.

Apparently it was "all my fault" that he wasn't focusing. No idea how he came to that conclusion, but blaming me for everything seems to be a Lockdown theme in our house.

My older teen DC are getting worse. They are now not surfacing till 2pm and are staying up till 2.30am at night. I've had a few days in bed with corona and they have slipped quite badly. This means if I'm having a lunch break from work they are not yet up. I think I'm going to start pulling it in and get them up earlier.

My ds was sleeping from 3am until 2pm but tbh after about a week of lockdown, his sleep pattern was screwed up. I can sympathise though because it's only this week, i have started to be able to get to sleep better and I usually sleep when my head hits the pillow. Ds is fed up with lockdown now as we all are and although he's in touch with his friends all the time he really misses seeing them. For him, the novelty of sleeping late has worn off a bit and he's sleeping slightly earlier (1or2!) and asking me to wake him at 11. He did get up yesterday and did 2 pieces of physics, the day before English so I'm quite impressed. He sill come out for a short walk with me most days and is always happy to go on a big long bike ride with his dad which is good. Things have improved regarding a bit of a routine.

My 2 DSC 12 and 14 are driving me up the wall, they have school work but will only do minimal amounts despite being asked to set aside time for it and being offered help by both myself and DH. They then go to stay with their mum and she tells them they don't need to do any school work because its the teachers job to catch them up when they go back to and its not as if they are going to get detention for not doing it. They then come back to us and complain that they are getting too much and can't keep up. I don't know whether to throttle them or their mum, possibly both.

DS didn't get up til 1.00pm today.

Tells me he's going to work this afternoon, but there's no sign of him yet. I'm utterly pissed off with him.

I let dd sleep in yesterday, she was moaning at me that i bag and she can be responsible for herself and I don’t trust her (I don’t to get on and go school work). She finally moved , after I went in, at around 1pm. However she went on to do a load of school work afterwards!

I’it’s 10.15 she’s still in bed! Do I leave her?

10.15? That's really early for my ds! To be fair he though he got up at 10.30 today and has gone on a massive bike ride with his dad.

Is have woken then by 10!

Ds 18 did an 8 mile run this morning, sunbathed in a hammock with 6 bottles of Corona and is now napping!!

Glad I have read this.
My two are pretty awful.

Ds1 doing bare minimum. Is awaiting a level starter packs, so has no current work to do, seeing as GCSE's have currently ended.

Ds2 a bit more. His school is setting him a small amount.

Ds1 would play x box 24/7, but Dh won't let him, because Dh needs to sleep. Dh works for a huge company that still need to supply public with basics - think electric / gas/ internet.

Being told to stop playing x box goes down like a lead. Balloon. All his mates are playing till 2am. Apparently.

I'm working from home. For 2 company's part time. It's a new job and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm struggling.

Both ds's squeal in excitement on x box. I was on a conference call, warned ds2 3 times. Then lost my cool. And swore at him.

So no. Things are NOT relaxed here.