Teenagers at home

[azaleanth90]

This is obviously a really hard time for them. I have a 14 year old and while he mostly does his school work, he flatly refuses any other engagement with routines, family time, cooking, or going for a walk/whatever. (We've been at home for a week) I feel some structure is really important for mental health as otherwise he will zone out on screens all day - though I know he needs that too. I see all these great ideas about developing their soft skills, exploring, reading, etc - mine will do none. He's very confrontational and determined to be in complete control of his time. What are other people with obstinate teens doing? Even the idea of leaving the house with us is unacceptable!

She's gone back over now. She's in bed again where she's been for the last two days.

She has said she feels better when we're all home because she knows we're not being raped/murdered/run over/mugged and beaten etc. Her anxiety takes her mind to some very dark places. Plus, she's less lonely when we're all home. But then she'll walk the dogs with me and see how quiet it is or spot something on social media and remember we're in the middle of what she believes to be the apocalypse and then she spirals.

@Frequency. That's very difficult for you, I do sympathise. My eldest DD had mental health issues in her teens for several years. She's now almost 30 and doing much better, but I remember how difficult life was and how we never knew what to do for the best.

Some days I was cheerful and jolly and made her get up, come outside and do things if possible. Other days I was quietly sympathetic and just let her stay in bed if necessary. The worst thing was never really knowing what the best thing to do was and so I'm sending you positive wishes and .

I have no answers.

OK, DD (14) has astonished me today. Clearly staying in bed yesterday has refreshed her as she got up at 5, warmed up and went for a run (she's on a sports team and supposed to be exercising daily), made coffee and breakfast, and is generally active. It's only 10 a.m.here and she's already done more than she did yesterday!

I don't understand her system, but it's nice to see her up and about. Plus, she's talking to us.

Hooray! @AmICrazyorWhat2.

DS came down at 11.00am today, logged onto school website, decided he couldn't be arsed and logged off again.

But he at least thought he might do some of the work set...

Yes, small steps, small steps!

Thank goodness I’ve found this thread. I’ve 2 teens - 1 of each - 16 and 18 yr olds. You’ve made me realise I’m not alone in the battle of the teens! One just wants to stay attached to screens and the other is missing her boyfriend and is struggling with her frustrations and taking it out on all of us. Trying to stay positive but it’s so hard at times.

My teens are maintaining new haircuts..
The first day off school they cut each others hair...
As I type they are back at it..
Off to bed myself as I don't want to see the results just yet.

DS said at the start of lockdown he might get a No 1 all over. We have clippers because I do DHs hair but I'm terrified to do DSs and made non committal noises when he first mentioned it. I'm not bothered what he does but I'm buggered if I'm doing that for him. He is incredibly fussy about his hair and glooms about after every haircut if it's not absolutely right. He has some kind of trendy "boy band" thing where it's much longer on top and fringe. I'm not going to touch it! I would be wrong and it would all be my fault.

Same here. My DS’s hair is so thick on top and he’s so fussy I’d rather cut my own than his! Ive told him to tie it in a hairband but he’s not keen for some reason!

Nearly 19 & 17 year old DS’ here, they are fine, happy on PS4, watching movies etc. Not giving us any hassle, just eating lots!

After a week of the Easter holidays I think he's actually got bored of screens and has re-emerges without any cajoling.

Yesterday he actually helped DH in the garden all afternoon cutting down some hedging. We then had tea in the garden and he played with DD for quite a while.

Hopefully he's ready to come back to daily life in the usual teen way

Oh dear 15 yr old here. Very much like everyone else’s, lies in until 10 and only gets up because I pester, I used Find my iPhone on her phone the other day!

Today I’m afraid, I’ve gone ‘bat shit crazy’ and shouted at her so much my throat is hoarse. Not proud, but I’ve been so poorly with Coronavirus, I’m exhausted. While Ill I let her stay in her room as it was safer, but now I’m regretting it.
She got up this morning, said was doing school work, I’ve been trying to get ironing cleaning and wfh that’s been building up while I’ve not been well. Transpires, she’s been sat all morning doing no school work, her bedrooms a tip, plates, wrappers etc. I have asked her numerous times to bring them down/tidy. And she texts me to ask to do her lunch. I raised a selfish entitled child and I’m ashamed.
As for friends with their kids baking and playing board games or garden img together, they can do one!

Oh @paddlinglikehell I do feel for you! Definitely no baking, board games or gardening here. I hope you're feeling better now. I honestly think just leaving them to it is the right way forward at the moment. I worry I'll never be able to claw back any control/routine/normality but i know deep down that when things get back to normal with school etc, they will adjust again, albeit slowly. My DD has just re painted her room, complete with phone in one hand, watching Netflix while she trashes the place with white paint. I'm beyond caring. I guess she's learning that it's hard work and she'll have to live with the consequences 😳😬😜

Mine are year 12 and have started to adjust and after a few very difficult days things have settled down again. I have twins - this week one of them actually read a novel - he hasn't done that in ages - they have online mocks in 2 weeks time so have had to spend every morning revising. They made some weird Thai pancake thing that was quite disastrous and used up the last of the plain flour, trying to figure out a way to save the rest of the mixture (am inwardly a bit annoyed but I know that normally I'd be fine about it - we all have cooking disasters, I'm keeping shtum but it's in the fridge annoying me on a low level).
We've had haircuts, sunbathing, minecraft and some tequila sunrises and a few glasses of pimms in the garden while having Zoom parties with their friends.

I haven't seen or heard my teen yet today 🙊🙈🙉 I probably should go and check she's ok.

I also feel for you @Paddlinglikehell - my DD can also act entitled and selfish unfortunately but, like @sweetief, have decided leaving her to it is the best way for us to get through this. Hope you are feeling better 💐

Last week DD was outraged that I reminded her she was responsible for getting her own snacks and taking used cups, plates and dirty laundry downstairs. Her response was, "So you're just going to leave me to starve in my own filth?" Her choice 🤷‍♀️ She's not starved so far though 😉

So you're just going to leave me to starve in my own filth?❤️this!😂

I suppose there's no one else to take it out on. Mine's now being charming to his friends online after cursing revoltingly at me for asking him to get some fresh air and wash. I feel like I'm not doing any parenting if I just leave him be so I end up nagging, put your phone down for a bit, bla...

I find it odd how DD, whilst at uni, managed to cook, wash her clothes, keep her room and en suite reasonably ok ....yet here she’s reverted to a 10 year old who needs looking after!

My DD 13, is also nocturnal - staying up until the early hours, getting up at lunchtime. We also apparently have no food in the house even though I spent £150 in Asda the other day 🤷‍♀️ I'm not fussed about her sleeping in, we will get back into routine after the holidays. Her messy room is gradually taking over the house though!! Chores? Nah, you're alright mum. Cut off the wifi then, I don't care. So glad I found this thread!

@Merlotmum85 yes! The food! my suggestions to have some fruit, make a smoothie, just don’t do it, has to be cake or ice cream!

Actually she asked if I had Easter eggs yesterday, I said of course and she said could she have an Easter egg hunt like we used to do, with clues - made me fill up a bit, for all the attitude, they’re still children.

Hope everyone had a good day

My two are driving me insane the last couple of days. I know the problem is that they are bored but at the same time don't want to do anything I suggest. So are just spending time arguing with each other and it really is driving me mad 😠.

Gone back 6 steps here 😭 Send help.

DD has decided to paint her room. She started around 10 p.m. one evening.

The results are interesting, all sorts of murals on the walls. She's artistic so they're well executed, but we'll definitely need to redecorate if we sell the house!

Ds 18 is making a cake right now....

Mine have a schedule
Get up 11am, breakfast and get dressed
School work 11.30-1.30 or 12-2
Lunch 2-3
Outside time / walk 3-4
They are then allowed to do what they want so PS4, Xbox whatever till 10pm

It's worked well this week, we didn't do it last week as school hols but they were laying in till 1-2pm, stayed in pj's all day and were very lack lustre to say the least! They are so much better this week. The weekend will be theres to do as they please but they will be out for a walk/bike ride with us at some stage