Teenagers at home

[azaleanth90]

This is obviously a really hard time for them. I have a 14 year old and while he mostly does his school work, he flatly refuses any other engagement with routines, family time, cooking, or going for a walk/whatever. (We've been at home for a week) I feel some structure is really important for mental health as otherwise he will zone out on screens all day - though I know he needs that too. I see all these great ideas about developing their soft skills, exploring, reading, etc - mine will do none. He's very confrontational and determined to be in complete control of his time. What are other people with obstinate teens doing? Even the idea of leaving the house with us is unacceptable!

Thanks for everyone posting - it's making me feel better to know I'm not alone. DS (14) had lunch with us in the garden (took him 10 mins to bolt a cheese sandwich and a chocolate biscuit down) and then took himself back to his bedroom.

Appeared for tea and has gone back upstairs.

It's probably been the hottest day of the year today and it just makes me sad that he's spending all day and all night shut in his bedroom with the curtains drawn, either on Xbox, phone or watching TV. I've tried to get him to come do some exercise and he's disinterested, and yet usually he plays football/trains 3 times a week.
I really want him to do something outdoors, something physical, and spend some bloody time with us, purely because I don't think it's good for his mental health to be cooped up alone.

Maybe they’ll settle down. At least they aren’t roving the streets!

Well I managed to persuade him to come walk the dog to the beach with me this evening so that was good. We were only out about 30 minutes and saw not a soul but I'm pleased he came and he was reasonably chatty.

I've been struggling to keep my kids off the xbox and Netflix since lockdown - I've relaxed things a bit more this week given that it's officially school holidays. But I did pull together this on my blog - it's an amalgamation of suggestions from people I know online who have teenagers themselves. My lot are really quite keen on the idea of doing a Come Dine With Me week (I'm going to need more elasticated waists!) so we're going to do that. Assuming we can get the groceries :) actuallymummy.co.uk/2020/03/19/activities-for-teenagers-during-lockdown/

Actually I think if we manage to get conversation out of them at all, and to get some fresh air with them, we're doing pretty well

My two, 18 and 15, just won't stop arguing with each other. The 15 year old is in a perpetual sulk, while the 18 year old has to stir the pot all the time with a constant stream of snide comments and cannot shut her mouth. We live on a small holding and have a lot of animals so I need to interact with them to make sure they are looking after them, otherwise I wouldn't bother. I know that sounds awful but I am sick of the sound of them fighting with each other. I am going to take the dogs for a walk to get away from them. A comedian once said that the vile phase that teenagers go through is God's way of making it easier for you to let go of them. I cling to that because frankly I would love it if they both moved out right now!

Oh, this thread has really helped me feel more positive. Also, that we aren't the only parents experiencing this and my ds isn't actually as difficult as some teens. My ds,14 has gone through a weird metamorphosis into a nocturnal life like so many others on here are describing. He is going to sleep at 4am, getting up at 2pm. He's honest and tells me but he's in his room on his phone with the light off but i think he's asleep then. He's usually so active but has lost his twice weekly judo training and his volunteer work all at once along with everything else he normally does. Getting up at 2ish then mostly the ps or phone. He is in touch with his friends thst way. He enjoys a bike ride with his dad and enjoys watching some tv shows we all like but that's it right now. Has a weekly guitar lesson which he is having remotely atm. He is practicing his guitar. As I write this, I'm realising he is doing more than i thought really but It's the sleeping habits and lack of exercise that are really getting to me. Dh says let him be which i see the sense in. I try to be sympathetic, I know he's missing his friends and I think he just thinks what's the point of getting up early, there's nothing much to do. It just seems so wrong but I guess I'll leave it to him, now is not the time for arguing the toss. He's doing no harm, just seems a waste. Dh is a keyworker, I am too but am off work due to being in the lower risk end of the vulnerable but i try to keep busy. He's a good lad and I guess it'll just right itself when this passes. Ar least our teens are quite safe as they're not going out and I'd rather my son was in bed than on the streets flouting the rules like the groups of kids you see on bikes.

Yes, @Bbq1 - one of the things I found myself feeling grateful for the other day was the fact that DS is accepting of the lockdown. He has made no complaints about it (other than being a bit bored) and hasn't complained about not seeing his friends - seems to be conversing over phone or Xbox (can you do that?) with them, anyway.

He hasn't left the property until last night when we went for a short walk and at least isn't chafing at the bit or sneaking out to meet up with pals. I did find myself thinking 'thank God he's not in a relationship/interested in a girl' because that would be miserable. I couldn't deal with a teenager who was in love and unable to bear being apart from their bf/gf...

Today I've come to the conclusion, partly from reading on here, that I'm just going to leave ds13 to fester and moan. He said he's bored but isn't prepared to do anything about it. I'm giving up offering suggestions and hope that eventually he'll kick his backside into actually doing something.

Well mine looked vaguely interested (having dismissed it with a snort 3 days ago) when I told him I'd done a ten minutes Ultimate Kettlebell workout today. (I have a Kettlebell that has been lurking, unused, at the back of my wardrobe for about 6 years now).

I suggested how good for his football/fitness it would be if he did 10 minutes every day and how he'd see himself emerging from this really fit...

Not convinced he'll actually give it a go, but hey ho!

Thanks for posting on here about this.
My teens say all their friends have gone nocturnal as well. Here, they do the odd thing but waste a huge amount of time on screens. Having said that, i’ve got a number of DIY jobs I couldn’t wait to get started before lockdown... still pending. It is horrendously difficult to get motivated to do anything other than the necessary, so I do sympathise.

I wonder what this experience will do to their sense of ambition and determination in the long run?

At least our children are at home. I thought I was doing quite well but my nearly 14 year old has turned in to a snarling lion today and everything I suggested received a snarl, even facetiming her friends. My 11,year old is on her period and I'm pregnant so it's real fun and games. Managed to persuade my 11year old to come for a walk but both are refusing to do homework. It's still being set daily and while I agree,it's not fair think I'm going to have to bribe them to do some the rest of the week.

This is such a reassuring thread. Other peoples teens seem to be doing all sorts of wonderful things whereas we struggle to get DS 14 out of bed and walk the dog. He has put on loads of weight as not playing rugby or going to the gym and even if we hide all snacks he just overeats toast and shreddies. He will do the odd thing with me, but clashes a lot with DH - this was normal before lockdown. I really worry for him and we've tried suggesting we do workouts together/ play games/watch movies which he will do from time to time but if this goes on for months I'm not sure how he's going to end up.

Mine are the opposite, which is unusual for dd1. She has severe anxiety and doesn't leave the house under normal circumstances. It's a novelty to her having people home with her all.

Shes fixed the trampoline, got the hot tub out, tidied the garden, built a den and camped out in it with dd2, baked and cooked and is organising an Easter bbq for us and is looking at courses to start on udemy. Under normal circumstances she spends 90% of the day in bed sleeping or crying.

One teen home early from uni, doesn’t stop going on about how unfair it is that her first year has been cut short and how she doesnt want to be here, misses her new friends etc etc. Ive tried to be sympathetic but it’s wearing thin now.

Other one awake until 3am, emerges about mid-day to raid the fridge and complain at the lack of food, despite me spending £120 in the supermarket.

They’ve both reluctantly joined in some board games and seemed to enjoy it. Refuse to come on walks but they have sat in the garden, and argued over who sits where.

Other one awake until 3am, emerges about mid-day to raid the fridge and complain at the lack of food, despite me spending £120 in the supermarket.

This^^

That's another lighthearted moan from me...how can they eat so much?! I'm deliberately cooking big dinners so we have leftovers for next day's lunch, but when I look in the fridge, it's disappeared!

Both mine are growing and perpetually hungry, I almost have to hide food to hang onto it for a few hours.

Well mine is eating his way through the pantry - although that is nothing new, but a small triumph today folks!

He didn't rise til lunchtime (claims to have been up at 10.00am but must have been gaming because he didn't appear until I was getting lunch ready). However, half an hour ago he did my 10 minute Kettlebell workout. I offered to put it on Youtube and sat and cheered him on. I think he was surprised to find that 'girls' exercise was reasonably interesting and challenging.

I've suggested he do a quick 10 mins everyday and he said, 'Might do,' before disappearing back to the Xbox...

Mine has done a few dog walks! Another victory! And actually spent a couple of hours playing Minecraft with her sister 😂. All in all, her mood is definitely better than it was a few weeks ago. I think she appreciates that we have pretty much left her to it, and is now realising we could have banned all tech and forced her to play family games. Perhaps we're not quite so bad as she originally thought? All in all, I think she was actually in shock at the beginning, and it's beginning to feel a bit safer and secure for her.

Another small victory here too. By leaving ds to sit and fester, the boredom has taken over and he's been out of his own accord (Obviously only once a day)

You're doing better than we are with DD (14). It was the first day of her Easter holidays today so she celebrated by staying in bed until 3:30 p.m. It's now nearly 6 and I've asked her to walk the dog with me, but she's busy, apparently.

Festering in her room, from what I can tell.

My DD14 isn’t snarling at us like she was yesterday and this morning, hooray!!

Frequency that’s wonderful, do you think maybe she feels secure with you all at home and no outside pressures (apart from the obvious big one, but at least the virus doesn’t require you to go somewhere, interact with others or expose vulnerabilities!) I’d been wondering whether my two were feeling more secure in some ways. I know this won’t be the same for every child though, for many different reasons.

Sounds stressful

We've done a mini Easter Egg hunt round the garden for DS14 and will do every day until Monday. I'm hoping sheer greed will overcome the "lameness" of the proposition. Also hoping the vitamin D exposure and slight amount of exercise counterbalances the chocolate calories. I helpfully ate the extras to avoid temptation .

rookiemere I like your style!